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Sunday, February 27, 2011

sunday snippet...2-27

TRENDING NO!!!!TRENDING NOOOO!!!
1.Taylor Swift (top spot 2 days in a row. some peopl need to get a life)

2.Amber Heard (a who)
3.Jerry Seinfeld (died)
4.Social Security (all gone, thank you bush years)
5.Nicole Kidman (preggers)
6.Paul Stanley (arrested)
7.L.A. Lakers (lose 5th straight, riots ensue)
8.Flu season (the fifth season...summer fall winter spring and flu!)
9.SeaWorld (first great white in captivity)
10.Academy Awards (will be as as lame as last year and the year before.....)


This weeks JADIP BLOG is sponsored by
Bouncin' Barb
at
Editors note: I may touch on some touchy issues today, in th einterest of satirical and comedic purposes. if you are feeling a bit touchy on the hard issues of the world today it may be best if you go here... otherwise pull up your big boy/girl panties and read on...

AND THE WINNER IS:
yeah...the contest. see this is  a great idea at 3 am, when i wake up and think, Yeah! I Should promote my music and have a contest! then I remember all the work that goes into just printing up a label.
These people are entered:
And if i missed you please let me know. Tucker wants to draw a name right now.

But I am in charge of this blog, so we will wait. I will have the winner tomorrow...one last chance to enter...

yeah.

anyway.

Today's Sunday snippet is... a new book idea???...101 not so D.I.Y. ideas... Here are ten that I just slapped together... or if you are feeling like a good cry...


  1. Brain surgery- While on the surface, this may seem like a no brainer, but there are all kinds of cheap people everywhere, and they think they can just surf the cyberwebber and get all kinds of tips and tricks. I have decided to do this on a very limited basis by pickling my brain with alcohol first. I will let you know how the pickling is coming along...I will not be under self-induced knifing anytime soon. Cuz attempting such would be UberStupid
  2. Weapons of mass destruction- Yeah, what a  great idea! Let's all learn about nuclear fusion and fission and the geopolitical ramifications of blowing shit up! and it is out there. For any wannabe IdoiTerroists. I have some plutonium, uranium, and  some unobtainium! Can't wait to try this shit out, baby! Yeah, right, some people's kids...
  3. Building a rocket ship - I have built more than my fair share of rocket ships out of old appliance boxes. Refrigerator boxes work best. There are a few issues with this, however as I have yet to solve the heat shield quandry. I guess I should not have sub-contracted that to the lowest bidder...and yet...We fly coast to coast on machines that are built by such. And the f*d up thing? It is still safer than driving.
  4. Suicide- I do not suggest this. At any time. No matter how bleak it looks, there is still a reason to live. But if you are gonna partake, this should not be attempted alone. Kool-aid and a large group of ReligiousOverZealots is the best way to accomplish this. Jim Jones, and the kool-aid kids...jay-zus that was DUMB!
  5. Marriage vows- I know, you just want to say the right thing. You want your other half to KNOW how you feel. It will sound stupid. You will have friends that will say it was f*ing awesome. They WILL be lying. Face it, the guy will prolly lift his lines from some cyberwebber porn book site or Jewels or Mynx and he will not even be listening while the girl recites hers. He will be thinking of beer. and booze. Mebbe hookers...Jus' Sayin'
  6. Divorce- A divorce should be filled with accromonious-ness. It cannot be ammicable. You Should HATE each other to no end by the time you undo the I do...when you become un-tied, it should be irreconcilable, and filled with vitriole and undying hate. Otherwise f*ing work it out. No. Seriously. Work it out. 
  7. Fixing that leaky faucet- It will always be better to call a plumber. I do construction for a living. I have fixed a MetricShitTon of faucets. I have installed afair amount as well. I twill take about 4.8 f*ing trips to the GD bigbox/hardware store. I still call a plumber. They can fix it.
  8. Drilling for oil- If this were a sexual innuendo, obviously you would be with another person. In this case, It is not. I have attempted to drill for oil, and dig to china. Neither ever amount to much. Oil I have heard is very deep in the earth's crust and in most instances under extreme pressure, and while we would all like our own supply of fossil fuels, leave this shit up to the big boys.. Imagine what the CondoStaupo or NeighborhoodNazi's will do when you errect a drilling derrick in your yard right next to the f*ing shed and swing set combo that did not fit the bi-laws parameters. Yeah, remember that war? fat lazy bitch telling me what i can and cannot do...fuck that...  Besides having the EPA involved in anything is a clusterfuck of unending porportions. (See also guidleines for Lead Based Paint.)
  9. Ending world hunger- A noble cause. A great Idea! Very worthwhile. We all know this will not be accomplished without a concerted worldwide effort. Focus on your circle of influence. I know it is trite. Think  global! Act local. And boycott McDonalds. 
  10. Negotiating a traffic circle- To borrow from my eviltwin...fuckity fuck fuck. Step One. Vehicles in the circle have the right of way. Vehicle outside of the circle have to fucking yield to vehicle inside the circle. Yield does not mean, accelerate and cut off the vehicle already in the circle, owning the right of way. Step two? There is not one. However, this is not a problem if you are all alone on the road after the ZombieAppolcolypse. On second thought, it would be. you just KNOW the traffic circle will be filled with the crashed dead idiots that could not figure out  Step One.

Just Another Day In Paradise!



15 comments:

  1. omigod, i so went for the sponge bob link, and the fucking video didn't work.

    i hate my life lol

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  2. Wow Bruce, Guess you had some stuff that you needed to get off your chest? I know the feeling.

    Things that stuck: Flu Season, Fifth Season. Gonna use that. And Suicide...

    Random association. Last summer I had this one guy really get in my business—ape-like alpha displays, finger to the chest, all that juvenile shit, you know the drill.

    It was astonishing. I'm a big guy. I work out. I actually had a big axe in my hand at the time, for I was splitting wood.

    This rarely happens to me, but this guy? Couldn't figure it. Then it hit me. He was trying to commit suicide! He had picked me as the instrument, kinda like brandishing a weapon at a cop.

    Nothing came of it. I knew his mom, so I was not gonna make her cry.

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  3. Oo! Oo! I want to enter, too, please! My medicated brain did not process this in the previous posts. D:

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  4. Also not a good idea as a DIY: Enema.

    Had to stop by and see for myself. Saw your post on BB's. Heh. MY EYES!

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  5. love the book titles and you should totally let tucker have his own way.

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  6. Very good list you got there Bruce. :)

    May I add DIY Root Canal. eeek

    And tell Tucker Skippy loooooves him bunches ::wink::

    [No, I am not above trying to garner favor. :P]

    I keed I keed!

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  7. kage- it was a re-run anyway...

    rick- yeah...i feel better now! can't believe soemone would be so stupid...but i also know alot of alpha male guys...glad you did the right thing...

    kat- you're in!

    mollie- welcome and sorry about the eyes... enema-bad i agree!

    becca- if i let him have his way now...well your a mom, they just take a mile for every inch!

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  8. Cool something new for the resume. "wedding vows"
    And tell that Skippy not to try to sweet talk Tucker or bribe him with sweaters.
    Love the list but I reckon there was a story in the news back a bit about a guy who performed emergency brain surgery with a back and decker drill.
    Probably shouldn't try DIY vasectomies either

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  9. I'm making my "McDonald's killed my father" sign right now. I fucking hate that place.

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  10. Damn I've been working on number 5 for ages!!!

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  11. oily- thanks man!

    mynx- i heard something like the dril thing and DIY vasectomy...OUCH! yeah and that skippy... always sweet talking someone!

    Hyde- i hear ya, but i wish i was not such a dick, er, uh, i meant addicted...

    G- i have been "working" on a lot of things! for a long time!

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  12. Bruce, I love ya man but I have to respectfully disagree with the DIY brain surgery...I did my own and it worked out great...sorta :-)

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  13. I totally agree about traffic circles! The morons around here have no clue what "yield" means and they just drive right into the circle without looking. I almost nailed one of those idiots last week.

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  14. For the traffic circle, a freaking COP cut me off!

    Anyways I agree with you about the suicide thing, years ago I contemplated it a lot but I made it through. I went into more detail in a previous post but would rather keep that buried for the moment.

    Marriage vows are still debatable in my opinion. Depends on the couple I suppose.

    Divorce I agree with you about that though.

    The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps

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