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Thursday, June 17, 2010


This is dedicated to Lori Jim, Jenna and Megan, who lost their mom/grandma/mom-in-law today. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless you in this time of sorrow…

    I was driving thru an OCZ (Google with the* JADIP finds stuff search engine*, if you need to be up to speed…) and I was wondering where the f- my cell service ran off to. It disappeared around 3pm. It came back about 6 pm.Thank God I really didn’t NEED to have cell phone service. Thank God I only found 4 voicemails. Thank God I was out of lip-gloss…
    I even tried the move 30 miles closer to the source, but to no avail… Finding a few bars with AT&T is like finding a full dinosaur skeleton in my back yard, it could happen, but not really too probable. Although I think Tucker is SURE there are a few… why else would he dig all those holes. I know he is not trying to find the bottom of the housing market…I think I was talking to God a bit and asking him to damn the cell phone provider.
   Finding anything you really need that is an oddball item at a big box store is also like finding a few bars for AT&T…You ask around and go thru the whole store only to find that they are out of stock or worse yet discontinued that item without notifying anyone, particularly you…Put it in perspective, it is annoying, but no one is dying because of it. However, often you may find yourself talking to God about that *&^*@#$(& place…
     Finding the keys to the car on the front seat after you locked the door and slammed it shut is like finding out that Santa is your dad. You are kind of shocked at first but then you are kind of pissed…Then you are really pissed…And you may swear to God that you will not pull the same shenanigans on your kids.
     Finding that you turned off the air and opened the windows just in time to have Mr. Skunk find something to be scared about stinks...Seriously stinks...True story...
     If you travel with a puppy, and I did not learn this from Tucker, always take your keys with you if you have the puppy in the front seat. Or you will find your puppy will stand on the lock button, but never the unlock button. You will find this to be true 99% of the time. If the car has manual locks the puppy will find the best way to hit the lock. This usually happens while you are watching….It is in slow motion, and it may also piss you off…you will find that this is a fact…and may talk to God a bit here as well….jus sayin’
     Finding the last few gulps of OJ, is better than finding an empty container…(Armageddon…JADIP search engine) However, finding the OJ has been in the fridge since the Kane and Abel incident is a bit of a disappointment, but I have found that it can be ingested if the right amount of vodka is added.
     Finding the vodka bottle in the recycle bin with nary a drop makes the situation worse. There is no solution to that quandary. I think that God may chuckle a bit at a situation like this, but no amount of prayer will lessen the foul taste of spoiled OJ. Asking God to Damn the object is also of little or know use. I have substituted the Phrase  for F- sake, instead of saying Christ’s sake, recently…maybe just as offensive, but I do love the f-bomb…
     Finding 20 dollars in a pair of jeans that you have not worn since you had a 29 inch waist is kind of a mixed blessing. The cash is cool, but why on earth did you still have those jeans? Did you really think that you would lose weight and wear them again? If you are using that for motivation, you would have found the money a lot sooner, because you would be trying them on occasionally and deluding yourself into thinking that they would magically fit again. This is another time you may talk to God, but instead of asking you are pleading….
     “Please God, let me find away to lose this weight while still eating like a pig and exercising only long enough to walk to the Mancave beer depository.” That prayer will not work…trust me…as a side bar, in reality it was not a book depository that Oswald shot JFK from it was a beer depository. It was the first Mancave. Hence, I have now proven that he did not act alone, but the rest of his partners in crime were too over served to remember anything. I am willing to be that they would have been found had the FBI check the restrooms. A bunch of co-conSPIRITer’s…so to speak…
     Finding the last cherry pop tart is in an open package cuz you snuck one five months ago, in a two am feeding frenzy, and now the remaining one is a wee bit stale is not a great thing, but it still is not a life and death thing. Sucky things happen all the time. You ask God for a break. Life rolls on. God does not intervene on poptartstupidity.
     Finding Sheila (JADIP search engine) really does have a sense of humor, and she is sending you on a route with the most possible OCZ’s and all left turns is not too pleasant. Ignoring her requests to turn when she wants me to is like flipping off a blind person driving a car; it is probably not the best idea for the blind person to be driving, but hey at least they won’t see you flip them off and it really does not get noticed. By the blind guy or Sheila.
     Finding yourself wide awake at 4 am, certain that you left the windows in the unoccupied vacation home you are working on unlocked and wide open while the rain is pouring down is a bad feeling. Very bad. That’s when you start to talk to God.
    “Please. God, let those windows be locked. Please! Please! Please!” When you arrive, not that this has ever happened to me, but what I gather you would say after finding the windows closed and locked is, “Thank YOU! GOD, Thank YOU!” Again I am just guessing. Thank God all their stuff was not, uh, I mean you would say something like that...
     Finding out a friends mom lost her battle with illness, is not like any of these other things. It is impossible to find words to console any one in this kind of loss. Yeah, we have all lost someone close to us. We all know the pain. We all try to find the words that will make it all better. There are none. Grief is personal. Grief is difficult. Grief is Messy. Finding you way past grief is like the pop tart scenario time a bazillion….
     Only time heals our wounds and our loss. However, we are never really over it. We just move on and cope. It does get easier. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my father and he passed over ten years ago...but I no longer grieve, I remember.
    This is when we truly find God.
    Most of you who know me well know I am not a religious man; however I do have strong spiritual beliefs. We need to believe in Him, if for no other reason than to have someone stronger than ourselves to carry the burden of loss. My conversation with God is mostly on a please and thank you basis, but I spend more time thanking him than asking for stuff. (Well, except during the Redwings playoff games, then there is a lot of asking, and he answered 4 times in the last 20 years…)
     Today I am asking for Him to be with Jim, Lori, Megan, Jenna, and the rest of their family. To help them get thru this time, to heal their pain and fill the void of their loss.
     When we talk to Him at times like these it is for ourselves, to help us understand the world we live in and the loss. My grief is for my friends. (And my wife. Faye was like a second mom to Roxy.)
     I can say I am sorry for their loss. I can try to find the words, but they come up short. In times like these I find I do talk to God. I do not know what happens after this world. I believe there is something better. I will find out when my time comes. I believe that Faye is with God now. I find it helps.
Just Another Day In Paradise