I need a daycation…er I mean vacation…

    I am in a foul mood…well not really foul, but well foul…I need to get away and recharge the batteries….been a long time since I have done anything more than a daycation…

   

     Since there were no responses to the contest....wait? what? there was a contest...yup a readers choice contest....NO RESPONSES...so that means i get to pick the topic...kinda like it always is...

  

  i turned off the spell checker, good luck interpreting some of my typo's...

   

    The other day I saw an ad on my Yahoo page. It looked to me like it said the rapist…it actually said therapist…that must be why I do not trust therapy…seems to me that anyone that makes a living listening to others problems has a bigger problem than the person they are talking to…mind fu%k=the rapist…jus’ sayin
   

where does all the time go? if there is only now, then how do we know what really happened?   

    

    Another f-er is the insurance scam…I do not even need to describe any longwinded stories of insurance companies raping people either…ask anyone that has filed a claim… They will tell you how they felt violated

   

Good hotdogs/ sausages have a curve to them. This makes them difficult to cook on al 4 sides… it can be done but it takes skill…the same skill it takes to not have them split open…low heat, and turn frequently…that’s my helpful hint for today…yummy…

   

    I did file and insurance claim it is over 1 year old. They “lost it”. They found it recently…that was a week ago, and I still have a messed up bumper…guess what happens when you don’t pay your premium for a week…they threaten to cancel…imagine the debacle if you didn’t pay for a year…violated… Not everything is awful…at least I am not addicted to reality TV…unless you count sports…well, then I am just f-ed…

   

 if you listen hard enought i think you can hear the other dimensions where the ghosties live

   

    So, then I am listening to the radio…an ad comes on…some obviously white woman starts using Ebonics such as, “holla, holla, still got my dollas”…and “cash stash, still intact”…it was stupid. I felt I lost more than a few intelligence points after listening to it once…imagine my chagrin when I heard it again…Immediately after the first one…I am dumber now that before the first time…Who writes this tripe and why am I relegated to blogging?

   

 nothing is ever as easy as it looks...unless you are really high or drunk, but then you find out how hard it really is...

    

    Don’t get me wrong I love my blogfestering, but really I would love to make a living at writing. If my child went to journalism school or advertising school (whatever) and came home saying they came up with that drivel, I would prolly have to disown them…or maybe kill them…oh it angers me so…

I have no problem with dialect, differing jargon, slang, and twangs…but let’s not use it to reach an audience…it just dumbs down the world…I use a lot of different slang and stuff. I am not trying to be something I am not…this commercial made me feel violated as well…

  

  if three people make a society what do six billion make? i have no answer for this....

        

    Well, I am going on a vacation… while I am gone I will be making some really odd observations…I will have a fresh attitude and have some cool takes…catch up on old posts and all that...there are 90 to chose from...click some ads...save some puppies...love ya all!!!

Another great idea…

Special thanks to Hailey Tomac…for the awesome pictures…

      Saturday night after I got home from floating down the river in a canoe I had another great idea…. I just wish I could remember it…in the mean time I will fill you in on the details of the crazy Van Heck canoe trip, known as Friends and Family…or as we affectionately call it “Party at Mike’s Place.”…

     Okay we really do not, but we should…

      I use the word floating a tad tongue in cheek because I have yet to find a way to canoe and not actually paddle. I have come close. I have nearly made it without any paddling on my part but at some point ya just gotta paddle. Most of the day I do float…but then there is that time when you MUST disturb someone else’s chi. To do this it requires some paddling…

     It is a mandate to, when canoeing, at some point to attempt to knock someone’s canoe over, splash them with a paddle wave, or just cause some madcap mayhem, and misplaced mischievousness. I am really not sure if this is because there may be alcoholic and DaddyPop beverages involved or because the idea that some else is just minding their own business is just too idyllic to not infringe upon. I really do not know.

     I do know there is a time and place for paddling. And the less I do the better. There are muscles that hurt today that I did not know I had not used lately. And I only know this because they hurt. Not a bad hurt, just a mild well paid for hurt. The kind you appreciate. The good kind of pain.

     As most of you do not know, There is a proper way to dress for canoeing… I do not know what it is for everyone but…Short of a Rambo-esque survival knife I think I have it pretty dialed in…for the last Boy Scout canoers out there, I have included a picture of the well dressed canoer wannabe..

     I am a red-head and have learned that sun block is only as good as the person that remembers to put it on. There is also a component about the amount of time that it stays on or does not get wet. I guess the inventors of sun block have some other RULES like…have to put it on before you get burned and at least a half hour before you get in the sun…I do not know about you, but I’m calling bullsh(i)t on this one…it should be that the stuff works anytime anywhere…if I were King of the World, it would…

     A good pair of sunglasses are a must…if you have a pair of as-seen-on-TV HD over the specs sunglasses like I do you would be wearing them in any encounter with the sun…and they make EVERYTHING look sooo much better…

     My son, Mr. Saturday!! Lost his glasses…thankfully they’re a spare pair…that’s why I wear the bandana. Hold the glasses in place…after loosing a great pair of fairly expensive (more than 10 dollars, I think like $10.99) sunglasses I have learned my lesson…

     Billy G lost his glasses on a canoe trip in Indiana…a few years back… he mistakenly tossed them to me…I mistakenly pulled a Schrader-alligator-arms and missed the throw…it may have had something to do with the six-rounds of MD 20/20 in various flavors that we guzzled at every stop…probably not, that stuff only gets teen-agers drunk…and that’s why I don’t like Indiana…

     FYI…You do not or rarely find glasses when they take the plunge…I, thankfully for billy g. had a suitable spare pair…those of us with glasses are very beholden to them…hence the bandana… a croakie glass holder works well also, but that was in the Hockeyball bin, and a good Boy Scout or marine, (of which I am neither) is prepared adapts, and improvises...Mr. Saturday unfortunately was not so lucky as i had to keep the emergncy supplies to a bare minimum.... (im sorry CB...) 

     I have a friend that lost his wedding band on his honeymoon in Hawaii…they are still married…but that Hawaiian surf is a brutal ring stealer…hence the cargo pockets…a good pair from Gander Mountain will have zippers to keep stuff in the pocket no matter what the river wild attempts to do…or battling big surf…i do have some of the cleanest $20.00 bills in the world as they were in my wallet for the trip as well...come to think of it my wallet is kinda clean as well...must be all the phosphates in the rivers...

     A couple of years back I lost a hat. Not any more…hence the chin strap…it is a thinkin cap…BTW…if I were in charge of fixing the financial crisis, I would have given every registered American voter $1,000,000.00…with the stipulation that the money had to be used to eliminate all of their debt with the balance/remainder set in a 20 year trust fund, so they would have a salary. I am sure there would be some spending going on and the elimination of debt service would free up the bankstards cash woes… a few of us would be able to live off the balance, and that would free up some jobs…See! It is a thinkin cap….jus’ sayin…

     Rivers do not care if you fall out in rocky riverbeds or sandy spots…that is why I have a pair of sandals on at all times…on the ill-fated six rounds trip, found a pair of 6” f-me pumps…WTF…who would wear those canoeing…or where is the dead hooker body they came off? Oooh…just thought about that dead hooker body…now I am kinda creeped out…let’s move on…it was YEARS ago…still icky…

     I know that wearing socks white or otherwise is a fashion statement…or blunder…whatever…sunscreen does not stick to feet tops…and there are few sunburns that hurt more than the top of your feet…the socks prevent that. And I know I look sooo VERY cool…ring…..ring….ring….best dressed men of 2010 calling for Bruce Johnson…excuse me… I have to take this…

   

(.......long pause......talking in the backgorund...)

 Back to the story…

     Tucker came along for the ride. He was not doing a very good job of paddling, so I recruited a Mondoux-spawn as a paddling lackey…Ben did VERY well… I rarely had to do anything, except occasionally dip my paddle in the water to correct our course…rarely, though…and use some coarse language...it is nice when you don’t canoe-party-foul your DaddyPop…

          During the two hour cruise., that actually took close to 4 and a half hours with stops and waiting for people to catch up we saw some pretty wild things… the Muskegon river is amazing that way…aside from the debacle that was my cooler incident, being that it was left on the truck, leaving me to beg-for-beers the whole ride, and a few other little brew induced/ red hair incident meltdowns, it was a great afternoon float and swill…I sobered up enough to drag my boat home to make final preparations for summercamping… more on that later…its a secret, if i told you more id have to kill ya...

     We saw the Easter Island Nose…I did not think that it was possible for that thing to move but as this picture shows it was sniffing a little feeder stream. It just goes to show, you don’t have to go too far to find really cool things to see, right here in Michigan…

    

     We saw bigfoot…I thought he would be hairier than this, but it has been hot…Africa Hot…maybe it is Bigfoot molting season…it could just be a baby bigfoot...I do not know, but I have never been confused with Bill Nye, the Science Guy….

    

     Tucker did his part to clean up the river…he is a good boy…I think a dog that fetches beer for you is a good thing…I have sent this picture to Stroh’s, in the hopes that they will make a commercial about a dog that brings you beer…I just don’t know why it has never been done before…he is such a good boy…

    

PS….Oh yeah…all this writing jolted my memory …. I think I remember what my great idea was…oh well, I guess I could write another blog on another day…maybe…

Hey 19…

   this has been knocking around the blogofile for some time...since hockey is still a month or so away, i needed to get a hockey fix.. and since the wings signed Modano, i thought we would traipse down memory lane and relish the GREATEST captain in all of sports!!!

     On Tuesday May 25, 2010 I learned that THE CAPTAIN # 19,Steve Yzerman was leaving the WINGS organization. He is off to pursue the next step in his career as a hockey legend. I wish him luck... I am not sure if it is my allergies or I drank too much water, but I believe my eyes are watering a bit while I type this blog. I will miss you, but I do understand... 

     The following video is, if not the perfect video for the purpose of this blog, it is as close as I can get in the 6 1/2 minutes or so I researched videos... As you may know, according to JADIP research...research over seven minutes is not cool... In fact, it is as close to work as you can get without actually working...

     The captain was drafted in lieu of Pat La Fontaine (the WINGS first choice, but he was already drafted THANK GOD!!) as the fourth overall in the NHL entry draft in 1983. Thank god yet again. You can google his stats and all that jazz. The captain, #19, was as I have stated before, the greatest captain of all time...followed closely by Nick Lidstrom #5...
     This video shows most of the great highlights of a 20+ year career... Obviously, it cannot encompass the whole of his greatness, but it gives the non-hockey types a chance to get a feel for the CAPTAIN!!!
(about midway thru there is the Ponger Hit, that knocked Pronger out of the playoofs that year, as he was trying to knock  Stevie out...)

     During the captain's early years I was  a hockey stalker more than a red blooded fan. I blame my first wife. She loved hockey, so I really could not be a huge fan. One thing in common could have kept us together, and that would have sucked. When she kicked me to the curb in the early 1990's I could then start the following the sport that has become my sports passion. Yet another reason to not remember fondly my ex... But do you really need a reason when it comes to an ex?

     I could also blame the LIONS, but they are so woeful that blaming them for anything besides bad luck and judgement is just too harsh. It is amazing how forgiving I am of the lions when it is off-season...digression aside, I missed a few years of Yzerman's youth, but hey, I saw more than I missed. I included this video for grins...

     When the captain hoisted the cup, ending the cup drought in Detroit, I may have shed a tear as well...it could have been the beer...I have heard that if you drink enough beer it makes you cry...It must be the amount of water in beer...Jus' sayin'...

     I nearly spent the night in jail this night...I think I may have been overserved... The Rolling Rocks flowed at a furious pace...for some reason I always had one in the on-deck circle. I was fortunate to be in a REDWINGS fan bar... I was fortunate to know the bartender. They all knew me during my mildy famous days...(Kris Draper #33, and that is why we drink Rolling Rock during the Cup Run)...

    After the cup hoisting ceremony, I had to go let my Black lab mix Buskerdog, out for a pee break. I stumbled back to the van...I let him out...we jumped back in the van. As I mentioned before, I think I may have been overserved. I awoke a couple hours later to the sound of rapping on the window. at first I thought it may have been the raven, tap, tap, tapping, but alas it was the fuzz...

this is prolly how i looked when i opened the door....

     The officer, who also knew me from the days on the street as Saugatuck's Resident Busker,  asked me a couple questions that I think I may have drunken-mumbled responses. In the end I remember him saying that I could not stay the night in a public parking lot in the Saugatuck city limits... I think my reply was something about the WINGS winning the cup...I Know I said something about Stevie skating with it...

    He did not seem to overly enthused...he asked me to blow in a Breathalyzer...I reluctantly agreed...I mentioned that I was not driving and my keys were not in the ignition. I think he did not care. He said I blew under the legal limit and he asked me if I had a friend near by that I could drive to and crash in their drive way... I said I did... he told me to tell any other officers that may pull me over that I had already passed a breathalyzer...Fortunately it was not an issue...

    I guess I could have been arrested for being drunk in public, but I was not a nuisance, and was really not very exuberant by this time...I was very tired...wjatever...ossiffier...

     I pulled in to Bro Ro's drive and slept hard. I awoke the next morning to the sound of people and a gathering crowd. It was then that I remembered that bro Ro, was having a brunch , to which I had committed attendance... I rolled out of the van, stumble up to the door, walked in and asked if it was okay for me to grab a quick shower...Bro Ro mentioned something about a rough night...I mentioned the WINGS won the cup...

     I showered and ate like a king...I went to play my afternoon gig...as much as I would have thought I would have been hungover, I felt fine..Stevie and the WINGS won the Cup!!! It was a great day!!!

     As I stood on the stage in the gazebo, and knocked out a couple of tunes, I felt the world was all right... Nothing could piss me off today...I had purchased the papers to save and the ones to read...STEVIE had done it...I had celebrated like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as well...

     Stevie is now running the show for the Lightening, in Tampa Bay... I wish him luck...I wish him well...except when and if the lightening and the WINGS ever happen to meet in the Cup Finals...then Stevie...I still love ya but I gotta hate ya for this series...I guess he had to do what he had to do...but once a WING always a WING...except Hossa...he's a bum...Good luck Stevie...I think you will be back when Kenny Holland retires...

     There are things in life that are more important than sports. many things. whatever...As a sports fan I live and die by my team... I know that there are things more important. I know that I will still have to pay the bills, long after the euphoria of a victory is over...whatever...one day, one series, and one epic game, one man lifting the city and franchise on his shoulders...I will miss you STEVIE, but I do understand...