spirit of the season...

TRENDING NO!!!!!TRENDING NOOOOOO!!!!

1.David Schwimmer (what has he really done since friends?)

2.Paula Deen (still cooking)

3.Electric cars (plug in and turn on, baby!)

4.Mia Wasikowska (Alice doesn’t live here anymore)

5.16 & Pregnant (stupid and f*cked)

6.Pet food recall (glad I gave that up for lent!)

7.Lindsay Lohan (get my gun, she just needs to go away)

8.Mortgage relief (some people call this foreclosure)

9.Zara Phillips (has a nice rack!)

10.Harrison Ford (indiana jones part 27 straight to video)

I will be gone for a few days.

(i know it will be tough. but this will hurt me far more than it hurts you...oops wrong speach...)

Oh and after the holiday I will be sporting a new award!!! Thank you ib at Habitual Hobbit for giving me an award...now I have to do some work and all that, but I have not even started my Christmas shopping and stuff...hey if you are not  BIAing  ib, you ARE missing out!! I laugh every time I stop by...

and welcome to new BIA ....wait for it...wait for it...

the adorkable ditz...funny, smart, and always quick with a comment...if you have not checked her out, you REALLY need to!


(i am not sure what my evil twin will be doing, if i am lucky he will stay home as to keep me from getting in trouble with my outlaws!) I AM GOING TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS! Cheers to you that celebrate other things, but for me it is Christmas! 

Jus' sayin'

If you really need a JADIP fix...well, there are almost 200 posts in the archives!

I am going to spend some quality time with extended family, immediate family and my friend VoHo. At times we all have to change the way we do things. Life is full of compromise. I would love to blog and comment, but alas...

I will miss you all, my BIA, I may have a chance to stop by and see what you are up to, but most likely I will be otherwise occupied…

My Christmas wish for all of you is world peace.

But barring the fat man in the red suit getting us that particular gift I will settle for you all finding what is most important to you. (with or without a bow on it/him/her)

All the media right now is talking about buying gifts, shopping lists, and big sales. Here and there they stick in a little human interest blurb about caring and sharing.

May all yours have a safe, happy, and love filled holiday!

From the TuckMonster, Mylibean, Mr.Saturday, Roxy, and yours truly:

God bless!

and all that!

See ya after Christmas!

(mebbe after the new year, depending on how many of those cool booze and glass sets I get!)

Just Another Day In Paradise!!!

it's Tuckmonster Tuesday!!!

TRENDING NOW!!!!TRENDING NO!!!!

1.Lindsay Lohan (Drunken whore)

2.Paula Deen (fat southern foody)

3.Paper checks (really do not bounce, it’s just a phrase)

4.Keri Hilson (hot?)

5.Amelia Earhart (still missing)

6.Pet food recall (OFT? Did you have pet food?

7.Sarah Palin (oFFS…somebody shoot me)

8.Broadband Internet (can you say dinosaur?)

9.Kobe Bryant (is a punk)

10.Zara Phillips (who? Or who cares?)





i am watching you, mr. bunny and mr squirel!



I had a lot of fun this week. Puppies always have fun. Fun. Fun. Fun. Daddy and I went a lot of places this week. Lots of Tucker truck rides. We went to the big orange store a lot. That is okay but, the big orange store is boring. Boring. Boring. Boring.

Sometimes cuz it is so boring, I chew on daddy's stuff. this week I chewed up his smokie treats. daddy was not very pissed so it must have just been the box...chew. chew.chew.

They do not allow puppies in the big orange store. Unless they wear an orange vest. While I was waiting for daddy 2 puppies in orange vests got to go in the store. I wonder what is so exciting in the big orange store. I don’t know cuz daddy makes me stay in the truck. what to chew? what to chew? what to Chew?

Every time daddy comes out of the big orange store he is pissed. I think it is cuz I am not with him and he misses me. So I lick his whole face. He laughes. I lick him some more. lick. lick. lick.

The one store that I can go in is Chow Hound. They love me there. I know why. Cuz I am cute. And funny. They give me treats. There are lots of good smells in the Chow Hound. And lots of other dogs. So I get to sniff a lot of dog butt. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.

me as a little puppy...

Way back fo.ev.er. ago, when I was a very little puppy, not like I am now, a big puppy, mommy and daddy took me to the Chow Hound. It was my first night with mommy and daddy. They let me walk where ever I wanted. I found a big white stuffed bone with a skeaker in side of it. I picked it up and carried it through the store. Mommy and daddy thought I was so cute so they bought it for me. I chewed it up. Right. a. way. Chew. Chew. Chew.

Two weeks ago we went to the Chow Hound to see a guy in a red suit. Daddy called him Satan. Mommy gave daddy the look. And told him he was an ass. I don’t know who this Satan guy is, but mommy called the guy the red suit something besides Satan. I think she called him Santa. Santa. Satan. Santa.

Here is a picture of me and Santa and Mylibean. At first I was ascared to go to see the man mommy calls Santa. But he gave me a treat. It was good. I like treats. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy.

It is time for me to go find something to chew on. Hey! There is Mylibean! I will chew on her…

chew. chew. ow. chew. Tucker! chew. chew. stop it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

monday food for thought

TRENDING NO!!!!TRENDING NOOOOO!!!!

1.Julianne Hough (hot)

2.Shania Twain (hot)

3.2011 predictions (the world ends)

4.Betty White (hot)

5.Brett Favre (brain dead)

6.Bill Cowher (next coach of the cowboys)

7.Bret Michaels (NOT dead)

8.Lunar eclipse (everyone gets MOONED)

9.Chocolate (I am allergic to chocolate)

10.terrorist attack at mall (psych!)

As a guy that likes to have as much structure in my life as possible, I am considering this day, Monday, to from now and henceforth, be known as Monday Food for Thought . (MFfT pronounced mufft) or until i change my mind Or in the realm of redundancy Monday Food for Thought Monday. Then we could call it MFfT Monday...whatever..

And Speaking of redundancy, one of my BIA is dealing with this very facet of life and could use your help. Please stop by and say hi to an uninspired blogger and give her a cheery word or two!!

You may ask why all the structure, in The Guy Book, I talk of a hatred of rules. Yup. But, rules are not structure and structure is more like boundries. And boundries make me think of sports and then sports make me think of women, and women make me think of dogs and dogs make me think of love and you see where this is going.

I.NEED. structure.

As I was driving today, on to what could have been a job opportunity, which is one thing I seem to do a lot of lately, I decided to get some gas. When the idiot light comes on, it is usually a good time to fill up the tank, as opposed to the alternative, running out of gas.

Running out of gas really sucks.

I stopped by the normal spot to get gas and thought of food. Well, that and my stomach alarm had gone off, so I was about to pass out from starvation, as it had been HOURs since I last had sustinance.

Yes, I was losing weight.

I decided to grab a couple of my all time favorites, gas station hot dogs! I have heard that they are not good for you, but then few foods I eat are, and I refuse to eat tofu. As My father used to say, "you live until you die." I would rather live a shorter life eating what I want than live longer eating crap that tastes like cardboard and has the texure of a toilet wax ring.

Don't ask me how I know.

Of course, I had to load them up with cheesy-goey goodness, which BTW, is not an actual food, but more like a chemical with gooey-good cheesy stuff flavoring. I also had a dollop of chili, (also questionable if it is real food) four jalepeno's (pickled) on each dog, as well as a few pickles (for salt, cuz god knows we do not eat ENOUGH salt in America) and a spoon of onions on each. (wanna kiss me now?)

They were good.

And quite messy.

Unfortunatly, I wore almost as much as I ate. Evil Bruce was along for the ride, so when we got cut off by some douche canoe, (thanks Jewels! it's her phrase) there were a few utterances that are not suitable for this blog. (but they can alwasy be seen on my EvilBruce site) I also ended up wearing more than a mouthful of cheesy-goo-chili-pickle-onion-jalepeno.

Guess I won't get that job.

I knew I should have packed a bib.

Since food makes me think of food, I spent a considerable amount of time pondering what other foods are really yummy. Meatloaf is one of my favorite foods. No ketchup on top, though, I hate ketchup. Oh and black olives, while one of the best things in the world, do not belong in meatloaf. If you don't believe me, ask my wife...Jus' Sayin'

And by considerable amount of time, I mean about 45 seconds.

Cuz then i got bored. 

And cut off again. 

More cussing ensued.

Digression aside:

These foods SHOULD be available...

The Mc Double while fine by itself, could only be better with Al Fredo sauce. Think about it. Two greasy burgers on a nearly as greasy bun, covered with melt-y american cheese food product. And then covered in equal, but well blended, portions of melted butter, heavy whipping cream and grated Parmesan cheese. I know, you are thinking about it right now.

And you are getting very hungry. 

As I menitoned earlier, I love me some meatloaf. However, I have yet to find anywhere that I can get deep fried meatloaf. Imagine this. Meatloaf, sans yuckified ketchup, dipped in an egg wash. No, scratch that, let's dip it in beef gravy,  and then roll in breading made with equal portions of corm meal, Italian bread crumbs, and crumbled Ritz crackers. For good measure, dust it with a bit of Caynene Pepper. Then dropped in a vat of boiling olive oil. (for health reasons).

But leave out the black olives.

i hate ketcup!

over-served sunday.

TRENDING NOOOOO!!!!TRENDING NOOOOO!!!!

1.Tiger Woods (still playing golf?)

2.Reese Witherspoon (cute, and sorta hot)

3.Best books of 2010 (I can’t believe it! The guy book did not make the list)

4.Cam Newton (will lose his Heisman, just like Bush)

5.Multivitamins (not just for dinner anymore)

6.Eminem (I kinda like his stuff)

7.Owen Wilson (OMG! Attempted suicide again)

8.Water for Elephants (They are really thirsty)

9.Credit scores (wow, I just scored and 802)
10.Federal Reserve (was robbed!) 

 

First for some pimping!!! I want to welcome new BIA  Penny Lane here and here. Check her out please and let her know I sent ya!  (or my EvilTwin will come over and make a mess like he did at Mynx's site, Dribble...)

Congrats to  Bouncin Barb the third Petey award winner.

On to the post...and while I thought about this being a Half-assed Weekend Post like started at Simple Dude , I am feeling like that this post would be a disservice to the honor of that said ideal.

Nope.

I cannot do said disservice

BUT the LIONS won in overtime!!! 

(oops, i digress...)

This will be even a lesser post, as I was overserved last pm. AND I stayed up REALLY late.

AND that makes me feeling even lazier than normal...

Last night there was a Christmas Party thrown by my oldest friend. I have know this guy for all but 4 or 5 years of my life. His Party is an event of epic porportions, and I am usually his bartender... and it gives my EvilTwin a chance to spend some quality time in the real world.

It is not a Holiday Party. Nope. I call it a Christmas Party. If that offends you, tough. I celebrate Christmas. And last night I REALLY celebrated Christmas.

Jus' Sayin'

In the Party world, there is a thing called an ice luge. It is basically a sculpture of ice with a slide that you set on a counter and shoot (pour shots) drinks down the slide. The sucker person that is getting a shot of booze, kneels in front of the lower end of the luge and the shot shoots down the slide into their mouth. Yummy.

The first time.

And the second time.

Possibly the third time.

Mebbe the fourth time...

After that, it becomes stupid time.

(and not so yummy.)

Damn You ice luge...and those banana mint shnapps shots....

Just Another day In Paradise...