all the cool kids!

you are getting very sleepy...when i snap my fingers you will follow this blog! leave tasty comments! and check out my OTHER blogs! Bruce's Evil Twin stupid stuff I see and hear The Dreamodeling Guy dreamodeling! The Guy Book The Guy Book

the blogdog blog

Saturday, December 11, 2010

petey the pet rock trifecta award!!!

I would like to send a shout out to new BIA's  Becca !!! and ib at habitual hobbit...

BECCA is the first follower of the guy book which I now have to start posting on again. It has been an inactive blog for the past 11 months, because the book is done, but I do not have the cash to publish it and did not want all the ideas stolen....however now with a BIA (follower), I guess I can post some snippets... I will prolly post a chapter every week...cuz I am lame like that... 

I have this award. Becca IS the trifecta


Petey the pet rock PIMPING pay it forward award...

I am giving it to Becca... because she is the first trifecta BIA I have!

I will come up with other Petey's cuz I am special like that...

She is a cherry popper...And I don't know if there is anyone else that deserves the award more...

It was a tough decision. I had a few other people that I really was thinking about some kind of Petey award for, but I could not figure it out and then it hit me...well, Becca  hit me...and I knew it was right...


I would like to pimp these blogs as well...

(Kara Hoag she gave me my first award* and as such is a cherry popper I was her first follower so that makes me a cherry popper, but lets; not get this anymore incestuous than it already is... but she is gaining popularity and she makes me laugh every time I read her blog...)

(Mynx she let me crash her blog and that was a first. so she is a cherry popper and everyone that reads her blog falls under her Mynx-y magical spell)

(Boucin Barb the first follower of the evil twin site  and hence is also a cherry popper, and if you are not following  Barb, you are missing out on a first rate person and great teller of stories...)

these three BIA's are special to me. BTW,  I  love all the blogs I follow for different reasons. but...

but a Petey is special. it has to be. or crazy...but
my award I can do whatever I want...

There are rules for this award...

The rules for this award are simple.
1. you can only give it to one BIA.
2. you must pimp out who ever you give it to in three (or more, bloglove is always cool) sucessive blogs...
3. you can take as long as you need to to pass it on...well, up to 3 weeks...
4. you must tag it with your name, before passing it on...kinda like the stanley cup!
(insert it onto your blog page, then right click and add caption, making sure you keep all other names on it)
5. the recipient CANNOT have more than 100 BIA (followers.)
6. you should give three reasons why you are giving the bloggerer the award...
7. you can choose to not accept the award...but then i will have to kill you..

damn not quite as simple as i thought...

This Petey is an award to help people get more followers, plain and simple...

my three reasons for giving becca this award

the JADIP blog.
the EvilTwin Blog
the Guybook blog...

her husband and i speak the same language...cusssering peppered with the f word...


i was so overjoyed to have a BIA for the guy book, i think i may have sharted.

just a little...

i know EvilBruce did....

congrats becca!!!

pay it forward!!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

and the cro-magnon man...

1.Salma Hayek (exotic and HOT) 
2.Brittny Gastineau (still don't know who this is?? and i don't care..)
3.Steve Martin (FUNNY)
4.Jessica Simpson (dumber than a box of poprocks)
5.Milli Vanilli (back in the studio)
6.Tommy Lee Jones (he's gettin old..he didn't die did he?)
7.iPad 2 rumors (will give you herpes)
8.Charity donations ( are the right thing to do)
9.Data storage (can you say floppy drive?)
10.Day trading (so simple a baby can do it)

welcome new BIA...... Jumble need to check it out and be a masher, too...

another burb from the WISDOMS V book(What I Sorta Did On My Summer Vacation )

After Barney Fife left me on the side of the road and the GoodSam or whatever the f*ck road service I had paid hundreds of dollars to had realized I was not in Ocala, I was assured that a wrecker was on the way.

Five hours or so on the side of the road and I was none the worse for wear.

And hour passed.

Then two.

Finally, around midnight, a wrecker pulled up. I was saved! I elatedly I waited for the driver to come up and tell me his plan. He sat in the truck for what seemed like hours. When he finally graced me with his presence, I was suddenly unsure.

The man-mountain that appeared outside my van was definitely not happy. In fact he.was.pissed. I peered thru the window at one giant, pissed off red-neck, with a Grizzly Adams style jet-black beard, who was obviously dismayed at the idea of being awaken at midnight to rescue a hippy-jujube in a Chevy van.

In the background I heard the theme from Deliverance. I fought back an anxious giggle and the desire, no scratch that, screaming desire to say you sure are purty...…my revelry was short lived.

I think he said, “What’s the problem?” in a thick southern, mixed with gibberish, drawl .

Earlier description modification…He was a jumbo-sized Cro-Magnon man.

“It won’t stay running.” I said.

He offered nothing else.

‘Were gunna puter on thbed.”

It was then that he noticed my dog, Busker, in the van.

“thdog stays in thvan.Youkin ride wit me”

Cue the deliverance music. I would rather sleep with my sister, but hey, I was in the deep south…

“Okay.” Was all I dared to say.

At this point there was a lot of rollin and smoking while the dog was going nuckingfuts and he took 3 coon’s ages to load the f*ing van on the flat bed…

“Git thdogn thvan.” He mumbled.

I obeyed, as I could still see this situation getting even worse. He nodded and pointed to the wrecker truck.


This guy was not much of a talker. Size and physical attributes aside. He would never be confused with me in a two man line-up.

I had no idea where I was so I queried, “Is there a Pep Boys near by?”


While Busker is not much of a conversationalist, he talks more than Cro-Magnon. The five minute ride to Pep Boys, seemed to take five hours. When we arrived the silence was deafening. I believe there was C&W music playing at such a low volume it mimicked silence.

We pulled into a sprawling strip mall and he wheeled the wrecker to the back of the Pep Boys lot.

“Gid out.”

Seriously? But I did. And I felt the safest I had felt in hours.

What he said next can only be interpreted as the following statement.

“Ineedtoseeurrregtrationbefurigiturvanoffthbed.” ( I need to see your registration before I get your van off the bed.)

I swear there was not a single space, he said it as

I climbed up, got the registration, and stepped out of the van.

I missed the deck of the wrecker bed.

I fell four feet down.,back.

The registration flew form my fingers. My head smacked the black top with a sickening wha-thud. Cro-Magnon picked up the registration and as, what I think was an afterthought, said.

“Aru k?”

“Yeah,” I said as I jumped up on my feet as if to say hey, I meant to do that. There’s me and SuperBruce…

Truth is I was not okay. Or I did not feel okay…I have not been okay since then. Prolly, from long before that. But…

He wrote down the numbers, handed back my registration, gave me the sales ticket, lumbered away and drove off.

I climbed in the van, got the dog, and let him go pee. I followed suit. Not many people to see you piss in public at 1 am in the morning. We both got back in the van. He snuggled up to me.
It is odd how he seemed to know I had been hurt. I assured him I was okay. He licked my face and grabbed a spot on the bed, curled up and went to sleep.

My head hurt a bit. Luckily my ponytail was tucked in the back of my cap. It helped to lessen the blow, I guess. I decided to stay awake because I had heard that sleeping after a blow to the head could be deadly.Concussions, hematoma's, aneurysms. So many possible bad outcomes. better to stay awake...

And then I saw that bottle of wine…

Just another day in paradise

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

her today goat tomorrow...revisit...

since the job hunt weather is so  grueling, i will be reposting one of my all time favs!!!!

1.Marilu Henner (she didn't die did she?
2.Kelly Ripa (i should know who this is but i don't)
3.Poison pill (good idea for idiots)
4.Credit cards (jacking your rates again)
5.Kim Kardashian (give me a break, stop searching shit for this bitch)
6.Milli Vanilli (resurecting his rap career)
7.John Lennon (sad he was killed by a jackweasle)
8.PS3 update (free on black friday!!!)
9.Medicare pay (is a head ache)
10.Liu Xiaobo (rhyming names rock, at least how I pronounce it, it rhymes)

We only get so many great summer days. Here today…We all should take advantage of the time by firing up the grill and cooking some food. I prefer steak over any of the other grillables…I am a flesh eater. There are few things better in this world than an impromptu BBQ… (Henceforth to be called IM2BBQ’s

I have had 5 IM2BBQ’s this summer and all have resulted in the usual shenanigans of summer. However the best is yet to come, I think. but that does not mean that we have not had some alcohol induced ideas of ingenuity. Jus sayin’

before the party starts...all is calm..

As you can see, the deck, while not large, is set up for ultimate IM2BBQ action. Quite luckily for us the deck is fully shaded by 5 ish which really helps keep the sweat factor down and the justifiable beer consumption lower as well. Less beer while cooking leads to better quality grilled food. (read: less burnt shit)

HOWEVER, in full sun the USDA REQUIRES 12oz of beer (or the equivalent) per flesh item cooked…Hey, I do not make this stuff up…yes, you do

Here today…A few weeks ago at one of the IM2BBQ’s as we were winding down I mentioned the neighbor’s goat. I blathered on about it being very odd. I think I may have mentioned that it needed to be abducted. My buddy, Jim concurred, although the secret-over-the-fence-mission never quite came to fruition, it has been troubling my waking moments and dreams since. Since that moment, I have noticed that it is keeping an eye on us. 

This goat is not a flesh goat, but merely one made of stamped steal. I really did not pay much attention to the thing until it started moving around the yard. Most likely of its own volition. And they can do a lot with remote drones now days
my yard is in the bottom half of the pic
the fence is NOT electric, but it is chain link
After tapping into the FB I application satellite spy city, and even tho' I am techtarded, I somehow was able to procure this high resolution satellite imagery to show that, while I may sound deranged, I am completely sane. As you can see the goat moves around quite a bit, and that is a problem. I admit I did do a bit of photo shopping on this image to overlay all the apparent locations. Could the neighbors have overheard our diabolical discussions and moved the goat? I think not

I am convinced that it is some kind of Big Brother spying type of device implanted in the yard by the CIA, FBI, NSA, IRS and a bunch of other three letter acronyms, all in order to keep tabs on me and my posse because of our my particular penchant for mischievous malfeasance. All that pot I used to smoke did not make ME paranoid.

notice the antenna array

with the special lens i found on e-bay
i was able to catch this pic as the goat was switching dimennsions!

i had to move fast to catch this shot!

i know i spelled flamingo what
I know the quality of some of these pictures is a bit suspect but the damn thing moves quite fast. Or i could be a tad overserved..

I am really getting worried after I saw this location. I did not know that goats could climb, but it makes sense. I know the altitude would make it much better for listening in on all my clandestine conversations...

If anything should happen to me, here today…and I, let’s say, disappear, make sure the police contact the neighbors. Here today…Goat tomorrow…

If anything should happen to me, here today…and I, let’s say, disappear, make sure the police contact the neighbors. Here today…Goat tomorrow

Just a

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

TuckMonster does Tuesday!


1.Kim Kardashian (good god, go away)
2.Ashlee Simpson (dumb-bunny)
3.Birds of America (flip me one!)
4.Savings rates (are stupidly low cuz bankstards are idiots)
5.Kevin Smith (funny funny guy)
6.Julian Assange (people I don’t know, are unimportant)
7.Miranda Lambert (married to Christopher Lamert? Mrs. Highlander?)
8.Danny Bonaduce (has anger issues)
9.Auto loans (can’t get ‘em)
10.Unemployment benefits (running out)

a little blog love goes out to the latest BIA at absolutely primed *just a girl stretching her fingers and her mind* (in her own words). check her out and all that..

i am a puppy. but not a little puppy.
i love your questions.
ask me anything,
and i will give you an honest to dog answer!!!

hi. i am tucker. daddy calls me the TuckMonster. i do not know why. this week was really cool. (actually TuckMonster it was cold) i am only like 10 months old, so i really don't remember the last winter, but i know i like it. i discovered snow this week. it is cold and tastes really good. i love rolling around in it. i love snuffling it. and i really like to eat it!

also there are all kinds of ice cubes outside. daddy hits them off the roof and cusses a bunch while doing it. i run around and pick them up cuz they are all crunchity-crunchity. and really yummy. i hunt for all kinds of icey things out side. all by myself. cuz i am a puppy. but not  a little puppy. i am a big puppy.

daddy and i played outside in the snow. i chased the snowballs daddy threw. they get all melty and stuff in my mouth. when daddy says drop, i do, but not really, cuz the snow is all melty. daddy throws them and i go get them. again. and. again.

here is me snuffling in the snow with my girly cool new collar.
there are all kinds of fun things about snow. and as you know, being a puppy is all about fun! fun! fun! and playin. when i go out in the snow, i go out to hunt down stuff. like those crunchity brown things and stuff. they are even more crunchity when they are icey...and then i play with them.

i am now 10 months old so i do not do little puppy stuff, like pee in the house. i also don't, as daddy calls it, drop a duece, in the house anymore. mommy even left me to run free in the house last week while she went to the store with mylibean, the human puppy. i was ascarit. oh wait, daddy says it is scared. i stayed in daddy's room. and they were gone

but then they came back and i was so. happy. to. see them!! i was littlle bit wiggly-jiggly. and for a minute i forgot that i am growing up and not a little puppy anymore.

oh there's a squirel now. gotta gotta. gotta go get it!

i am back. the squirel ran up what daddy calls a tree. and then he cusses about all the crunchity brown things. he calls them leafs. he hates the maple leafs the mostest. i am not sure if he is talking about the  hockey team or the cruchity kind. i love them. they get all stuck in ice and i hunt them down and leave them on the back deck. then daddy cusses a bit more.

next week i will be talking about my trip to get my picture with some rolley-polley guy in a red suit that daddy calls satan santa.

i gotta go. i gotta go. i gotta go.

bunnies and squirrels are even more fun in the snow as well. i love bunnies and squirels. they run from me, tho' and daddy just laughs. and laughs. and laughs. it. is. not. funny. why won't they be my furrry-ends?

Monday, December 6, 2010

me and barney fife...

1.Elizabeth Edwards (???)
2.Sofia Vergara (another???)
3.Robert Downey Jr. (Ironman III?)
4.Eva Longoria ( HOT)
5.Credit scores (damn...535)
6.Kathy Griffin (psycho)
7.Concorde crash (prayers please)
8.Diddy-Dirty Money (again with diddy...i am so sick of this guy)
9.Government bonds (safer than under your pillow?
10.Holiday wreaths (make good frisbies)

this psot is an excerpt from my book in progress What I Sorta Did On My Summer Vacation

Back during the mildly famous days, I had a few run-ins with the LAW.  Not *COPS* type run-ins mind you. nope. But suffice to say, many a time in close proximity with wherever~i~was's finest.

One night, in Jacksonville, in a hotel parking lot, the dog and I were parked and sawing logs. I was awoken some time darkthirty by a cop.

The cop asked, "Do you have a room here?"

"Nope." I replied. I mean duh! I am sleeping in the back of a van.
*yeah, I have room but the van is much more commfy-shumpfy, so I came out here.*

"You are going to have to move. You can 't stay here." says the cop.

Fine. Whatever. Okay...I spent the night on the coolest beach on the eastern seaboard...I could not find it again with a GPS, maps, and night vision goggles. Well, mebbe, it is not like it was a secret. 

I wrote the song storm clouds, a song about a break-up, well, okay my latest break up, sittng in the van as my psychotic dog Busker, frolicked in the surf. Oh and BTW, She broke up with me on my voicemail. Yeah, I'm cool like that.

There were other Cop~Encounters. Many others. I was a long-haired, street-music playin' hippie~ju-jubee to anyone wearing a uniform of public safety. Again, never anything that would require me to spend any time in jail, but I was always in their radar, as much as I tried to fly under it.

I drove an old van. It broke down all the time. I was scruffy. And broken down rust bucket driven by someone like me, is like  blood in the water for the sharks that keep the Clean~Folk safe.

On one trip up the coast for a change of scenery I drove to Fot Lauderdale. I arrived about 4:30pm. Rush hour. Really.Fun.Shit. Of course the van broke down. Three lanes of traffic, bumper-to-bumper, and i am in the left most lane. There is no shoulder, just a thin stripe of pavement and giant concrete divider blocks.


I get out.
I lift the hood.
you know.
The international my~shit~is~broken~down~signal.

I see a State Trooper. Coming from the other way. He slows down.
I am saved!
I am happy!

I begin to roll a smoke. He approaches. From the safety of the concrete barrior, hand on hip over his gun, like I am one of America's most wanted. I do a double take. I shake my head and look again. No f*ing way.

He looks like Barney Fife. 
F*ing Barney Fife...
Is coming to my rescue.
This cannot be good.

He says "Whacha doin?"
I say,  "Rollin' a smoke."
He says, "No, you're not"
I think oh hell yes i am, but say, "Okay."
Then he says,  "What's wrong with your truck?"
I say, "I don't f*ckin' know."
"Does it break down often?"
"Yup." *it suffers from demon possesion*

Then he says, "I'm gonna come over there and push you to the right hand side of the road. You can't be broken down on the left." *Suuuure...I guess, but I am broken down.ON.THE.LEFT. Next time I decide to break down I will take that under advisement. f*ckin Barney Fife. This can't be good. Where the F*ck is Andy?*

He whips around thru one of those authorized vehicle only things. Oh, and it has begun to rain. He postions his car behind my van. And not very gingerly, I might add. He accelerates and pushes me thru three lanes of wet road and heavy traffic. I may have sharted. I know I prayed. I know I closed my eyes, but that is not much different than my normal~driving~modus~operandus...*the van is demon possessed, remmeber*  I do eventually get to the PROPER side of the road.

Thank God! Now I am really safe.

And then he drives away.
Gone. buh-bye.

So, I did what anyone in my situation would do. I rolled up my previously prohibited  cigarette. No f-ing way. I smoke it. He just left me. Here on the right side of the road no less, but left me all the same. In a broken possessed down van. And it is raining. m*therf*cker...

I decide to call the Goodsam or whateverthef*ck company that I have paid hundreds of dollars to for just such an emergency. I explain where I am. Just north of Matin Luther King Memorial Highway. About 5 miles north of Fort Lauderdale. They say they will have someone out in about an hour. I guess this ain't Dominoe's. Fine.

I take a nap.
Feed the dog.
Take him out for a poop~walk.
Play some guitar.
Ten minutes have passed.
Or fifty. 
I do not own a watch.
I never know what time it is.

Unless I turn on the radio. So I do just  that. cheesuschrispy rice... Only thirty minute have gone by.
I lsiten to the rain on the roof of the van. I play some more guitar. Make a grilled cheese sandwich. Play some more guitar...

And then fall asleep.

I am awoken by the absense of sound. traffic has noticably subsided. I turn on the radio. It is now 10:30. WTF?

I call Goodsam or whateverthef*ck company.
They tell me the wrecker was there and they could not find me.
On  a whim I ask where they SAID I was not.
And I ask them where the wrecker was dispatched from.
Turns out they dispatched the wrecker from Ocala.
Over 100 miles away.
Turns out that every~single~town in the south has a Matin Luther King Memorial Highway.
who'da thunk it?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

thematic photo friday 126 night ...on sunday

1.Diddy-Dirty Money (why?) 2.Kirsten Dunst (hot)
3.Christmas wallpaper (tis the season)
4.Katy Perry (hot and talented)5.Holiday donations (giving is good)
6.Robert De Niro (one of the best of all time)
7.Tiger Woods (I am greater)
8.Ron Paul (what if he were president?)
9.Photo calendars (just got a dog calendar)
10.WikiLeaks (sucks *courtesy of Carmi at WrittenInc*)

first of all i would like to say a big hello to new BIA's...hed at Hed above water  just a girl trying to keep her hed above water and the stuff in her life and stuff. check her out and say hi. tell her bruce sent ya!
Simple Dude at SimpleDude become a simpleton, cuz everyone is a doing it and this guy gets it done... great posts, funny stuff and a great read... you will not be sorry...

this is the place where i start the night
across form the bus garage
grab a few craft beers,yeah, alright!

its hours later and time just flies
everyone is sleeping
had more than a few hanging with the guys

thankfully this is not the sight
that i would see
laying on the floor passed out this night

it's getting late its time for bed
but wait! 1:26 night
took this shot before my head...

...hit the pillow and my eyes go shutted
cuz this is what i see at night
or when i get mydrunkass headbutted...

 for more thematic and way cool pics fom the rest of the thematic gang check out Carmi and this really cool group event known as Thematic Photography!!!

peace and blog love to all, and to all a good nig.....wait, not yet...

just another day in paradise....