all the cool kids!

you are getting very sleepy...when i snap my fingers you will follow this blog! leave tasty comments! and check out my OTHER blogs! Bruce's Evil Twin stupid stuff I see and hear The Dreamodeling Guy dreamodeling! The Guy Book The Guy Book

the blogdog blog

Friday, April 15, 2011

flash back friday 4 15

Flashback Friday!

editors note: today is the day that i usually start drinking early. 6 am. it is usually  tax day. they delayed it to the 18th. but i just got my taxes done last night...

I drank last night too.


fucking  IRS.

I am going to repost this classic cuz i thin only like 12 people, including myself have read this one...


1.      Elizabeth Hurley (is getting’ burley!)
2.      Megyn Kelly (prolly hot, breaking up, or preggers…jus sayin)
3.      Tom Hanks (cannot believe they are making a castaway 2)
4.      Robin Wright (dropped a Penn, and I saw down her shirt)
5.      Depression treatment (is depressing)
6.      Diane Lane (is not following my restraining order against her..)
7.      Tokyo Disneyland (anything I say here will be wrong just wrong)
8.      Solar power (I’m in favor of fart power myself)
9.      American Idiot (a love song)
10.  Ai Weiwei (is it just me, or is this name/ phrase/ whatever just begging for some inappropriate comments?)

 a warm BIA welcome to  
Danny at Anything at Anytime and on-any-day-college-sports
Jo Anne at jo-anne mother and nanna

run by, say hi, hit follow, leave a tasty comment!
do it now...

i can wait.
really. i can.

(and for those that still have not liked tucker on fb...
I am Tucker Yes he has his own page...and yes he is spoilt (as Mynx-y would say)

the post.....

Tucker is a water dog 
-from way back in July of 2010...

This evening I took Tucker to the lake. We saw the Reeds Lake Monster. (The Lock Ness monster Reed’s Lake Version.) It was kind of scary. However, it was not as scary as the motorcycle.

That was really scary, right Tuck?

Well, actually I took him to the lake on the 5th of July as well, and that is when we had the motorcycle incident. I sometimes forget that even though he is nearly as large as Browndog, he is still a baby.

And it showed when that big, bad motorcycle fired up and he nearly took my arm off running to hide.

It took me nearly five minutes to stop his shaking and to get him to walk back to the car. This is the puppy that fearlessly hunts fireflies, barks at butterflies, the silly goat thing in the neighbor’s yard, doorbell on television, my wife’s text alarm which sounds eerily like the doorbell and every little noise he may or may not hear… And the same puppy that hid under the car the first time a plane flew over.

He sounds tough, but he isn’t.

I almost had to carry him back to the parking garage in Gaslight Village but he eventually decided he could walk on his own. You know the one I am talking about with the entrance that looks kind of like a large Va-Jay-Jay as you look at it from Wealthy Street.

I guess it is supposed to be some abstract sailing thing, but it looks like a vaginaart to me…

Jus’ sayin’…

He could not wait to jump into the safety of the truck.      After all that excitement we came home and took a nap so I did not blog this yesterday. Thankfully, because I may not have seen the Reed’s Lake Monster and I cannot see any point in blogging about the same thing two days in a row. They do not all sound the same, I hope?
However, until I perfect the napblogging –interface-device, which BTW I am feverishly working on in my spare time, you will have to wait for blogs. When I figure it out; watch out world, it will be blogs-a-poppin’. (Gratuitous 70’s show reference, Jugs- a Poppin’)

I will share with you that I am having a bit of difficulty with a couple of the complex equations, way too long an complex to share in one blog, so suffice to say they are not just your averagebear type math. They are not just a+ b= c. They are not Chicago Math either.

They are Goodwill Hunting and Contact type equations.

I will not bore you with the math issues.

I have also come up against some flux capacitor ionic compliance and differential ratios that are an m-fer and that damn muffler bearing problem. Without the muffler bearing I am sure the blog will be too loud. My blogs are never loud or obnoxious, so a muffler bearing is not necessarily a must but I am the Last Boy Scout  taking into account the possibilities…

Unfortunately, I cannot do both a nap and a blog. And I cannot do without the occasional nap. I have to get in shape for the Lions football season, when a nap is a necessity or you will suffer a stroke or heart attack. I can think about what to blog, but I am typing challenged enough without trying to type while lying down.
While I have yet to find a volunteer to do my edits, and hence I do my own, it would be most difficult reading line after line of jdfklahgoiqhfglnvlkdg; and then… jkagjlikajf a m-fer……….jfglkajgiahjgrhjtrpp Jus’ sayin’…vnlkn ajg;ovm Blah, blah, blah iajfakrakv;lsfbna….ldvmzkl v’alkjv’oiaj;lMc;dkgtjoigh;amv;l I know the case could be made that the previous lines were no different the typical bloggerish I spew out about 3 times per week…

Jus’ sayin’…

So all rambling digression aside we went to the lake.

Tucker is A WATER DOG!!!


We can all take a deep sigh of relief. As some of you know, both Browndog and Whitedog were NOT swimmers. Yes, they were labs, but they were both waterchickens.

We tried to get them engaged with the theory that Labs love water, but they were slightly dogtarded. This is not Dogtucky, but they were the progeny of a brother and a sister. There is a certain degree of inbreeding in purebred dogs. There was more than a bit of it with those two.

Their lablessness was disappointing.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved those dogs, but it is kind of like finding out your kids like country music. It is a bit difficult for a rocker parent to understand. I am a choicist; however, so I find nothing wrong other than the ludicrosity of the perpetual beer cryin and lost my woman stuff with country music but you cannot really grasp why or what unless you are a country fan yourself.

Live and let live, I guess…

We took Browndog and Whitedog to Lime Lake for our first attempt. They were not impressed. They tried to drink the water, but did not attempt to swim. They were young so we just put it down as they were too young.

I will say that I was a bit worried.

Then we took them to the big lake a few months later. I think Chris still is scarred from this debacle. We did get them out in the water. They did swim. Briefly. But at the first opportunity they tried to claw their way up his back and his chest. Panicked, would be the best description. They panicked. It would be funny if it were not so disappointing. And poor Chris. Good thing he was not dating much back then, because how do you really explain the scratches.

Blaming it on the dog, does not work.

Except when you fart, 
and blame it on the dog, 
then it is funny.

They went for a boat ride a couple of times as well. That was also an exercise in stupidity futility. They did not enjoy it. And, no, they did not tell me. They also did not tell me to kill the neighbors. As a side bar the neighbors may have heard me talking about moving their goat. Get a few beers in me on a holiday weekend and my volume may go up. I do not know. It is no longer staring in into our yard. It may have wondered away on its own volition.

I may have hurt its feelings.

Who Knows?

BTW... i repeat... the dogs did not tell me to kill anyone. They did look miserable. And since I have a degree in Body Language with an emphasis on dog body language, I could tell. Since I am not easily discouraged, I tried again. It is the last time the boat actually moved by motor power. It is also the last time I took Browndog and Whitedog for a boat ride. They may have jinxed the boat.

I think they peed in it, but it would be hard to tell because it does have so many smells that musty odor.
We took Tucker to the big lake over Memorial Day weekend. He had to be lured into the water with a treat. I admit I was worried. My fears were lessened on man/dog weekend, when Tucker swam briefly in the river. Well, he followed his big “brother” Bentley and did not venture in often by himself.

I was still not sure.

I took some pictures. I took a ton of pictures. I used a tripod. It worked very well. I still have to learn how to figure out the zoom. It was kind of difficult to get the camera set up far enough away to avoid the dog shake, and get back to take the shot. The great thing about the digital age is not waiting. No surprise pictures of your foot. You can review each shot. Right then...

 No surprises.
All perfect.
Except for the zoom…
but still no blurry shots!!!
There we were fetching sticks and enjoying the water and then I got the shot. The one that may propel me back to mildly famous stature. I saw it and I took the shot. Camera steady on the tripod. No reason for panic, as the monster was still far away from the shore. I am sure tucker would have peed his fur, as he is a baby, and scared of many things, but not water! if he knew it was behind him.

“Swim, Tucker! Swim!” I screamed.

He made it safely to shore just as I snapped the shot.

A Pulitzer for sure!!!

long shot monster

close up monster
We can all sleep a little bit better tonight. Tucker is a water dog. And I will soon be mildly famous once again. I got a shot of the Reed’s Lake Monster. You can say it looks kind of like Tucker, but with a tripod, like I said, there is no way I could have had taken a bad picture. So it really can’t be Tucker. It is the Reeds Lake Monster.

Well, it could be Tucker.

Doesn’t matter!!!


 Just another dog in puppydise
Just another day in paradise

Thursday, April 14, 2011


see ........


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

and 5 bucks will get you 2...


1.      Barry Bonds (didn’t use steroids…riiiiight)
2.      Katie Couric (is in an affair with Paul Rubens)
3.      Gabrielle Giffords (severe setback in her recovery, discovered she’s a libertarian)
4.      Tori Spelling (borke up with a boy)
5.      Caffeine gene (I have two, want one?)
6.      Alison Krauss (stopped calling me)
7.      Jose Canseco (the best tequila)
8.      Minsk explosion (thoughts and prayers)
9.      Gold market (invest now!)
10.   Wind power (energy for blowhards)

editors note: who is this editor? you all know that no one ever edits my shit...not even me...

this is a repost of the very first  tUcKeR 2sDaY....

why am i reposting? to save some of you blogstalkers a bit of stalking time?


i love the attention. keep stalking me! you need is th only way for you to really  figure me out...

the reason is simple.

yeah i said it.

L A Z Y...

and not just cuz i have a shitty credit score...

or easy.

editors note: since i am (was back then, not now) writing a blog almost everyday now, i need a break from the action once in a while... the TuckMonster asked if he could fill in once a week to let you know what it is like from a dogs veiw, since his brethern are gonna benefit from the revenue from the blog, it is prolly only fair...

the new feature is called....
here goes..

hello, my name is tucker. i am a puppy... daddy calls me the tuckmonster, but i also get called tucker with an f by the guys at ManCave. i do not care, cuz it sounds similar...and i get to hang with my buddy bentley, who is the bestest friend i have in the dog world...the first time i went i had so much fun...i had so much fun that i forgot to tell daddy to let me go outside and i pooped in the mancave...daddy and the OTHER GUYS got mad at me, but i didnt care..

i was playing with bentley...

chewing on sticks. 

damn i am cute
i have included some picture of me when i first came to live with daddy...

me at six months ...guess what?
i am playin

this week as i enter my first blog post i want to share with you a little secret...i love being a dog... i like to play. all the time. play play play...and sleep...

dogs get to do lots of fun stuff... and everyone loves me...everyone...momma says i am so cute that i can get away with anything...even chew up her undies and socks...daddy says i am being bad but i do not really know what he is talking about....

play play play...
woof woof...
i went on a ride with daddy the other day or today, cuz i really have no concept of time, five minutes five hours whats the difference...i love going places...i  know the word makes me all jiggilywiggliy and stuff...and i know the word walk....i get  jiggilywiggliy when i hear that word too.
i know the words treat and eat..i like both. daddy says i have the ghost of 'cino and 'spresso livin in me but i do not know what he is saying...

play play play...

(browndog fatwhitegirl)

woof woof!
i love to chase those fuzzy little guys with the big tails and the other ones with the big ears...i like to bark at anything.

did you know that i can hear a butterfly fart?

i like to bark at that as well.
i discovered a big pile of crunchy brown things the other day. a big pile of them...i stuck my nose in them and chased them and rolled in fun fun...i like them...i have seen them around before but never in such a big group..

.they were crunchitty and taste good...
daddy got kinda pissed cuz he wanted me to stay still so he could make that clicking noise with that little black box that he always has in his hands and says tucker, look at me. then it clicks...then he says dammit...then he says tucker again...then dammit...this goes on for a while and then i jump around in the brown things...

 look at the fluffy tail thing! there it is! gotta go! gotta go! gotta go get it!!
just another dog in puppydise

notice there was nothing about 5 bucks...
im sucha kidder!

Monday, April 11, 2011

MFFT Monday! 4 11 11

what's the 411?
i could not resist...

the world is smaller today
yes it is.

the tru dat 411...
the world is smaller today!

1.nothing (is) (nothing)
3.trending (not, nooooo!!!)
4.except the two (they will not be named)
5. attentwhores (they are)
6.can you imagine (it is a nightmare)
7. the demonspawn (of their unholy union)
8. if the two that would not be named (had a baby)
9. that is the antichrist x 10 (ARMAGEDDON)
10. jus sayin

this post was fucking awesome. but blogger ate it. yup googlebuttfucker chrome. is.the.devil.

sorry to start of in full on fuckmode...i am so pissed...

i will get over it..

i am trying to recreate a masterpiece...
but no one is dying over it...

~~~~~~~hang on this could be  wild ride~~~~~~~~~~~

This post was originally going to be IN a new feature that i will call free ass friday...

as opposed to free ball friday?

which was prolly last week...
i don't remember...
it was a GuyWeek...
drinking was involved....
and lost...


and keys?


you know how it is under a drunken moon
you do, don't lie

or being mooned by a drunk!
that may have happened

i may not have gotten  dressed.

i was definitely  mebbe outta fresh undies... 
so commando it is..
er, uh,  i mean was...

on the menu today in MMFT monday...

fuckin chinese take away...
 cuz i'm lazy...order by number don't forget the egg roll!

When I started this blog and I was basically just shouting out to no one, like we all did. Now I am shouting out around the world.

unfortunately for the world!

I have met some cool dudes and groovy chicks from around the globe.

you all have touched me. this is dedicated to the ones that wear the shoes of which i speak...
you know whoz youz iz! (and it may be more than one of you but it is not more than 93...)

i read you

i read everyday
and of
i may never meet
nor touch other than thru a keyboard
does that make them any less real?

what is real?
           who is real?
why are we wrapped up in reality?

is the space between us real?

you show me your shoes...
to let me walk.
i try them on for size..

because i cannot touch you.

fist bump!
high five?
shake hands...

hug? or kiss? 

touch in 3d life.

      is that real?

what is real?

truth and lies?
can be as real as reality.

And yet.
i feel your smile
i feel your sigh
i feel..

we walk together over miles.
and share moments.
laughter and pain

in each others shoes..


not me
not a touchy/feely guy

but everyday...

you all are there
all ya all.
every day.


                                       nearly everyday.
we laugh.
we talk.
we listen.
not spoken.
but said none-the-less.

and shoes are left exposed.
and filled.
a little more everyday...

these people.
that do not exist.
are not real?

are just like you and I.
do they not?
bleed when cut
and feel hope
and pain.

do they:

walk off with the shoes...

for no apparent reason
what did i say?

                         did i fucking swear too much?
but i do not care.
i can buy a new pair...

you donut know me
i am krispy kreme-ish
you know what that means?

not good for you
i am like a drug

and i dint care...
but you dint care either
cuz you lovez me
and i lovez you back

we care over miles
over electronic smiles
and internet dials

leaving happens
life is half loss
of a glass half full...

the door is open, but don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out?
waiting for the other shoe to drop...
just like when i was ten
and they left again.

Someone once told me that there is no reality in the cyberwebber.

Or mebbe that was me.
                    Telling myself.

No one out there is real.

They are all just liars, hiding behind anonymity.
(janedoe meets johnsmith
they 'ave a cyberbaby?)

-from past experience?
                those chat room days...
i was more a lurker
could not type fast enough...
           and forum days....
i was a player.. and got played
                  by and of..
invented relationships.
Of Who
you WERE
                 or pretend to be.


those shoes did not fit
so i need not those shoes...

But the 3d world.
is fucking real!

How is this webberworld any different?

Who has never...

been lied to?
By a *real * person?
hurt by a *real* person
left a *real* person

I never understood...could not see.

the idea of a pen pal.

you changed all that...

Of a written word and distance relationships.
Of bonds so stong.
               yet never touched.
                                    or felt.
                                  flesh to flesh.

I get it now.


!!!!!!Thanks to all of you that have made my world better.!!!!!

i know, right...

you thought this was gonna be about farts or mooning didn't ya?
or mebee plumbers butt crack...


Just Another Day In Paradise.