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Saturday, March 6, 2010


     HOLY CRAP!! The sun is out. Yup, I said it! The sun is out. Is it spring yet? Close. So close. I tried my Speedo on today. (I know you are fighting the visual). It still fits. That’s the nice thing about a Speedo; it does not care if your gut hangs over it. (Fighting visual again) Seriously, I do not have a Speedo. I gave up on that a long time ago. Long, baggy shorts are the key when you have a few or more extra pounds.
     I have heard it said that alcohol is just empty calories and to combat that fact I have almost always added ice to my drinks. I am not sure what this really does to combat the empty calorie deal, but it lulls me into a false sense of security. And it gets rid of the glacier of ice in the ice maker in our refrigerator. Is this Proof of global warming? Maybe, maybe not.
     It is getting close to spring. The days are getting longer, or more correctly the sun takes longer to cross the earth, so there is more day light. The last few days it has meant more sunlight. I will commence “workin’ on my sunburn ev’ry single day” (from A Letter To My Friends 1998 Bruce Johnson: Prince Pauper Hero Fool) I think my cigarette hand is a shade darker than it was yesterday. This would probably be great if I were a hand model. I guess I could be a hand model for Working Man Magazine maybe, but not for Speedo swimsuits.
     More sunlight means it is time to wash the truck. More sunlight on the truck means it looks dirtier. It cost $7.00 to wash it. Holy Crap! (I was informed that Holy Crap is a bad phrase a couple days ago by a little kid on a jobsite, hence it only makes sense that I would pepper it into my blog.) It seems all these coin operated carwashes require a deposit of $2.00 to start. So, I put five dollars in quarters in the slot and, of course, run out of time. The low coin buzzer goes off with like .2 nanoseconds of time left. HOLY CRAP!! Then I have to deposit $2.00 MORE TO FINISH RINSING THE TRUCK. At least it is warm enough that the wash does not become an ice coating like that chocolate stuff you put on ice-cream.
     So with all the snow and stuff we have had, since it is winter and there is a lack of proper insulation in my attic and ventilation in my soffit, on my roof, I have some hellaious ice dams. HOLY CRAP!! These babies are glacial size. They are global killers. If they fall off the roof, it will cause the polar axis to shift. Jus sayin’ HOLY CRAP!! They are huge! I am sure have a frozen Ice man up there; I can see his stone axe poking thru the melting ice cap. I do not yet have the ladder set up to make the climbing expedition to check out more of this frozen Neanderthal. There is still too much ice. As a hockey fan I KNOW ice is slippery. And I know that a fall from the roof is not as bad as the sudden stop at the end of the fall. 
    The sun is out again today!!! HOLY CRAP!! After all these days of sun, the glacier on my roof is receding. Yet further proof of global warming, or more correctly global climate change. If you do not get the empirical evidence that the GLOBAL TEMERATURE is changing then you are really not paying attention. It has been changing since before the ice age and the glaciers receded to produce the natural wonders of the continents and the glorious Great Lakes. Actually, the global climate is in constant flux, as anyone that regularly watches the History Channel can attest.
     However, we increased the acceleration by overpopulating the planet at an alarming rate and burning a ton of fossil fuels to satisfy the populace of SUV drivers. Not just the SUV drivers are at fault, but everyone on this planet of consumers of fossil fuels is at fault. However those of you, with a AYSO sticker or my child is an honor student…blah, blah, blah…those people, well, they are even more to blame. Seriously, if the bus stop is less than a stone throw from your house, why do you need to drive junior and sissy to the GD bus stop, leave the SUV running and burn more gas, causing more pollution and exacerbating an already tenuous situation?
     HOLY CRAP!! Sober up people! The climate is changing. It has been changing FOREVER! We are helping to accelerate the process. The mean temperature of the planets’ oceans and land masses is changing. It is not just an “Inconvenient Truth.” In a few days you can ask the Iceman that is being thawed out on the glacier on my roof. I just do not know why he is wearing a Speedo.

Just another day in paradise