stack em

pack 'em and rack 'em...

editors note: I may cuss a bit today...still GuyWeeking it with the TuckMonster, Facebook is his thing now, he seems to be thinking he is some kind of internet star...oh yeah and he is drinking and cussing like a sailor...


not really, but he misses his momma...and his mylibean....


the drinkin and cussin may describe me...


he has been working on posts but...you know how he is...there's mrs bunny..oh and mr squirrel.. 

TENDING NOOOOO!!!TRENDING NOT!!!

Kelly Clarkson (does a duet with Alvin of chipmunk fame)

Keanu Reeves (yet another matrix movie? I think this one is called domin matrix)

Estate tax (who the fuck has an estate? Oh yeah, rich fuckers that don’t pay taxes)

Patty Duke (getting really old)

Nikki Reed (prolly dating some guy)

Jersey Shore (cancelled!!! There is a God!)

ADHD (what were we talking about?)

Scottie Pippen (is a douche)

Social Security benefits (are all gone)

There is an award going around right now that is fucking awesome... and i am jealous i did not come up with it.

yep.

Heather aka Sugar Free  in this post became MrsTheGenius (credit to billy hirt jr, MrTheGenius) with her nice rack award! I gotta say if you are not following this blog, you are missing out on some serious fun! and super funny...

It is making by blog roll look like an MTV video...
Yeah you remember those. right?
When MTV actually did videos?

It's true, they did.

Seriously.

Hot chicks big boobs, cleavage, and hot titties!

songs?

Who cares?

It was about sex appeal.

It was about hot chicks hanging on longhairs!

 Those were the days. Back when my abs were a six-pack not  a MinikKeg, 12 pack, or  GuyMuffinTop

I cannot believe I did not think of this...

Yeah I know, the Petey...

Yeah, that fucker with about 95 rules...damn you petey!

Sometimes my drunken ideas are really not that great...whiskey...jager...tequila...rum...fuck you tooo...WhyInthaName of all that is holy did I not come up with this award?

i really coulda
i really shoulda

no 2 worries....

Go check out MrsTheGenius  Heather aka Sugar Free...give her the kudos she deserves...and check out my blogroll, for the rackers that are on it...

Tonight I raise my glass, my beer, and whatever else is left in the liquor cabinet for my last hurrah, GuyNight, to MrsTheGenius  Heather aka Sugar Free...

Cheers to you babe!

And then I will drunk stalk all you all and leave dumbass comments!
or pass out...

Just 
Another
Day 
In 
Paraboobs!

Thrusday thoughts! 4 7 11

editor's note: Tucker and I have been... 
just guying it up this week...
the ladies are on a road trip. 
i have had more pizza, beer, and snack foods than prolly legal...
and washed it all down with some 
Candyian Whiskers, right Tuck?
my SlackAssity knowz no boundz! 


TRENDING NOOOOO!!!!TRENDING NOOOO!!!!
1. slinky's (toys in my attic)
2.donuts (are a cops best friend)
3.nekkid wimmens pictures (of your momma!)
4. some star is preggers (who the f cares?)
5.some star is breaking up(see above)
6.some star is cracking up (see above)
7. twitter is crashing (really)
8. OMG no fucking tweets (say it ain't so)
9. the world is ending (it IS)
10. we are all dooomed (we ARE)
11. bonus trend PIZZA (my best friend)

twitter is experiencing some difficulties. apparently nearly 6 billion users is overloading the system with abject 140 character or less stupidity. 

didn't see that coming?

my EviltTwin will be talking about this tomorrow...mebbe..if he ever sobers up... or not...whatthefuckever...

Welcome to the latest and greatest new BIA's (read this link to get my drift)

Tracy at Average Girl 
and  i spy with my little eye all the colors of the world
Tony at Tony Van Helsing's Mystery theater
Rafa at The Rude Blog
Mamma at Heather's a Mommy
Heather aka Sugar Free at Sugar Free Toughts

All of these cool kids are hanging with Mr. Johnson, so stop by and mebbe MORE cool will rub off on you! (cuz if you are following me you are already cool...but everyone can use more cool)

lazy?
batchelored out?
still drunk from 4 days without the fam?
all of these reasons could be why i am doing a repost.

The main reason is not enough of you new CoolCats and DudeDogs is doing your part to CyberWebbberStalk me. well some of you are...but not enough of you...

oh and the absolutely fantabulous Mrs Hyde posted today about a similar post to this...go check her out..i will wait...

*cracks a beer*
*gulps it*
*cracks another*
*sips it*

making it easy to get to know me, and the special brand of crazy...that is me...

the SunCrazies

The sun is out! 

Mr. Winter is running scared. Goodbye you old miserable man! I know he will come back, far to soon, with a vengence.  He is leaving not from the sun chasing him away as much as from the crazies. The crazies come out in the sun like turtles on a log in the river. (I know you have seen this on any river). I know you probably have run across a couple in your travels. Most of them are harmless.

Some are not. 

The SunCrazies are out and "On the move." 

YOU  have been WARNED!!!!

Just for a minute, reserve your judgment, and do not lump me into the group in which I am discussing, I am my own patented brand of crazy and I know I am not all there.

I can live with this fact.

My crazy factor is what makes me so much fun. 

My crazy is independent of the sun, the moon, or any other external factor.

I was stopping by Smitty’s in Easttown to get some quaffable liquid imbibaries to finish off the week. Celebrating as much as possible is my new reality. There is always cause for a celebration, whether it is a day above ground up-right and taking nourishment (courtesy of GWC), the end of a grueling work week, or the loss of a loved one, celebrating is the right thing to do.

Grief is fine, and necessary, but the life shared, not the death, should be cause for a celebration. 

As you know Browndog only drank Molson, so I had to get a few to celebrate his life. 

However I digress.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, SunCrazies…

As I walked up the sidewalk from the parking lot to Smitty’s I noticed one of the many SunCrazies that I saw on this sunny day. This particular individual was walking down the side walk mumbling about some thing. I avoided the urge to strike up a conversation or smile.

Anyone that has worked a Home Show with me knows that I am a crazies magnet.

They are drawn to me like Cindy Crysby to the crease on a hockey rink. (The hated Cindy would not be nearly the goal scorer he is if he had to shoot the puck from more than two feet.)

yeah Krissy and Oily, I know, he is your guy but...

Driving is one of my favorite times to admire or admonish the SunCrazies. Many people complain about the lack of operating skill of the typical non-drivers on the road during the winter. However, the crazies’ factor is in full bloom in the sunny days as well. It is as if the sun crazies are like some kind of reverse vampire. They are drawn to the sun. They wander down the boulevards, streets and highways in some kind of sun induced stupor.

It is really bad when the sun comes out right after a blizzard.

You know what I am talking about.

That particular anomoly is double jeapardy...

I am sure that the SunCrazies do not all have a pair of HD sunglasses, as seen on TV, like I have, or maybe they would be able to deal with the sunshine, instead of becoming SunCrazies. You, like me, have seen these light induced lycanthropes making a left turn, driving thru a parking lot, or toddling down the e-way in slow motion on any sunny day.

The conversation in the operator’s cockpit is as such, “Geez, Margie look at all that sun!”

To which Margie replies, “Yes, Harry, it is glorious! Why don’t you slow down a bit to take it in all it’s glory.”

To which I reply, “JEEZUS FuckING CREE-IST, FuckING SPEED IT UP OR GET THE Fuck OFF THE fucking fuckity fuck  PLANET!!!”

These same sunlight lycanthropic crazies wonder up and down the block, thru the parking lot, and all over hell’s half acre on foot. The sun blinds them to the cross walk signs, the other vehicles, and the any other life threatening event that they come across. They are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence, they blissfully bee-bop thru the same dimension as the rest of the world, impervious to frantic hand gestures and tongue-lashings.

  
These SunCrazies are not to be confused with the sun zombies. They are different breed entirely. The sun zombie will not move, but lie in the sun, like the sun baked road kill they are. Some of these sun zombies of the feminine persuasion will bath sans top.

Do not get caught with the video camera taking liberties of the scenery by your wife.

It is much better to give the camera to your 10 year old son.

Then it will be cute, curious and funny.

Not so much cute, curious, or funny for a middle-aged father.

Jus’ sayin’.

  
The sun zombies also are the reason for the escalating rise in skin cancer. They live on the beach and have the same leathery look of an iguana. Thankfully, thru the natural order of things, they are becoming extinct. The Speedo industry is in a marketing swoon. Too bad.

Better get a Speedo now before they also become extinct.

segued but not forgotten...

the post dumb-ass, the post!

Way back when I was younger and more insane, I used to sell Tee-shirts at art festivals. The sun was out most of the time, and so where the crazies. There was one show in particular that drew more than its fair share of sun crazies, the Ann Arbor Art Fair. (The A²)

  
Ah yes, the A². We had a ton of fun selling the shirts. We were pranksters. We tied a hot dog to a stick and hit people in the head with the hot dog as we yelled,

“Hot dog on a stick!!!” It was a hot dog on as string tied to a stick, which we would puppeteer into people's faces...

We wrote “See the Monkey on a mirror, and then showed the mirror to people as we said “SEEEEE THE MONKEY!!!”

I was always amazed that so many people did not get the joke.

They would say, “I don’t see your monkey.”

I would say, "Duh! YOU are the Monkey….”

We also sold the shirts right off our backs, sweat and all, and it was a badge of honor to do this. Some of you may say that we were SunCrazies as well...

I scoff at the idea.

We were just young and full of fun...


back then i was bumpy not lumpy...

  
The A² had lots of SunCrazies, but none more famous than Shakin’ Jake. He only came out in the sun. It rained rarely during the A². When it did rain, the SunCrazies disappeared like hot dogs on a skinny Japanese guy’s plate in a hot dog eating contest…

  
Shakin’ Jake was “On the move.” He wandered up and down the street, with his guitar slung over his shoulder, zig-zagging thru the crowd. Occasionally he would have the guitar in playing position, and strumming as he walked. It was rarely in tune. most times it was missing a few strings. He would tell everyone that would listen, what his particular girl trouble was on that particular day.

He had a ton of girl trouble.

All the time, but hey he was a man, so nothing more really needs to be said.

  

He was a local icon during the fair. “On the move! Gotta take care of that woman! She wants…mumbling and I think cursing…” I did the A² Fair 13 years, and walked it a couple other years, he was ALWAYS there. On the move. Always bitching about that woman, women...

whatever... 

  
There are several rumors and ideas of where and what Shakin’ Jake actually did for a living. Some said he was just a homeless guy that was more visible during the A², but that is kind of boring. I had heard that he was a local barber that closed his shop for the fair and adopted the persona of Shakin’ Jake.

My personal favorite was that he was a wealthy man that lived in Ypsilanti.

He came out during the fair to do the Shakin’ Jake thing.

You can be REALLY eccentric if you are wealthy.

  
A few years back, at the A² the SunCrazies were out in force, and I happened to come across Shakin’ Jake as usual, he was, "On the move"...It had been years since I had done the fair and years since I had seen him.I bought his disc. It was not very good. It was pretty bad. So what? He lived as all sun crazies do. He lived the SunCrazies dream.

Coming out to be crazy while the sun reigned.

  
Who really knows who Shakin’ Jake really was? And really what does it matter? He enjoyed the sun and was crazy. I do not know if he is still "On the move." He came out to do his thing, and was there every year, long before I started doing the fair and long after.

I drink this, Browndog’s favorite beer, Molson in Shakin’ Jakes honor, and celebrate his and browndog's  life.

Just another day in paradise

sunday awards snippet...04 03 11 nothing snippet about this...dude is rambling fer shur

yeah i am an award whore
a lazy one, but whore no less
fuck!
this one is work!

editors note: my post on last thursday 

bright and sunny

was an ode to my father

who would have been 75 today!

i miss ya dad!

TRENDING NO!!!!TRENDING NOOOO!!!

I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING THIS shit!

1.Doris Day (dead)

2.Jennifer Nettles (prolly broke it off with some guy)

3.WWE WrestleMania (fake..jus sayin)

4.Sara Ramirez (prolly preggers, cuz some bun ovener is always trending)

5.Daniella Monet (prolly hot… too lazay to check)

6.Eddie Murphy (has a cold…or syphillis?)

7.Tax refunds (cash them quick the USA is bankrupt)

8.Red Sox (totally suck!) (right Georgie B?)

9.Ivory Coast (the result of soap mating?)

10.Foreign currency (is strong against the dollar?)

I have been away a bit and come back with a couple posts and all that. My last post was a bloggerer crush blog swap with the Aus-some Aussie Mynx...if you have not read it or stopped by and checked her out you are missing out!

Welcome to the following new BIA (this link will help define this for you)

The cakeologistMy cakeology  not about cake cakeologist

and

Pencil Girl who is conquering the world!

If you do not stop by and say hi! it will totally be your loss and your bad...

I also seem to have developed a penchant for using the fuck word...

I know.

Rilly? seerusly?

That is nothing new...

I will may be bandying it about in this post quite liberally (or fucking not...) if you are feeling too sensitive to hear that word or are feeling way to in Touch with your puritanical sensibilities, go here and come back tommorrow...

or if you really want to be a dick, send me a nasty comment at askevilbruce@gmail.com or just stop following...

I am who I am.

I try to limit the f bomb on this blog but sometimes it just feel right...

                  today is a day like that.

I have been very lax in my bloggering. I will continue to be lame lax.

Tucker and I have come to an agreement in which we will JADIP blog Tuesday (exclusively tUckEr 2sdAy) , Thursday, and Sunday. (along with the occasional TP FOTO FRIDAY) 

Tucker convinced me that the World Dogmanation Quest needed a FaceBook page, so I relented and he is off and running! You can check it here,

I am Tucker.

You can like him, but not friend him. Yet another fucked up thing about facebook...

I smell lawsuit.

Dogscrimination...

BTW- This week my comments, if I stop by,

what with all the coolness that is bruce-ness

this week, will be alcohol fueled.

more on that later...

The Enigmatic Lovkyne 

at Muse on Fire

thinks I am  a versital bloggererer...stop by and say hi. i never know what I will find there, but I am always glad I stop!

Rules to accept the award are as follows:

Thank the person who awarded you and link back to them in your post.

Lovkyne at Muse on Fire is now linked back! DONE

Tell 7 Random facts about yourself.

1. I do not like to ride in elevators.

2. Conversely, as a 25 year long smoker (recently non-smoker) stairs are the devil.

3. I am not a big sweet eater, but when I do, I binge.

4. Hence, that coupled with illness, and unemployment, has made me winterwieght fatass.

5. Tucker and I are Batcheloringing it this week so posts will be:

6. Drunken stupor idiotic ramblings or,

7. BONUS...nonexistant.

8. So, rilly, No diff'rent than any other day.

9. yup.

10. ManCave Sunday to Sunday starts in...

3-2-1....

(fucking done!)

seeeeeee yaaaaa!

kidding!

psyche your mind!

Pass the award on to 15 new found bloggers.

to borrow from my EVIL TWIN

fuck me freddy!

just so you know...

no way i  am giving this to 15 bloggergers...

i am way too lazy for that shit.

and there is/are ManCaving events to plan...

translation:

it will be 5:00 somewhere all fucking week long!

I am giving this to these blogererses...

Mamma cuz I love her blog, she follows my BET site, and The guy book but she rocks! REAL and awesome!

Bushman cuz he is also in MI and he is a WINGS fan and he is seriously random and fun. He is like a member of my ManCaveCrew...(high Praise) very similar to simpledude...

The Pearson Report cuz Jenny leaves great comments and even tho' she is a 'Nucks fan, gosh darn it i love her!

Jewels's Naughty Nothings cuz she is  a pimping machine and guest posting  and i love her so you should too...kinda x, well totally x rated...

Mrs Hyde and the zen bitch cuz she is the fucking shit! and funny and reflective! check out both of these blogs!

sugar free thoughts so if you do not go here, you will not meet this true life bionic woman, and will miss out on serious funny!

Tony Van Helsing's Mystery Theater a blog that makes you think and a commenter that is good at the art of comments. and we all know i am ALL about comments...

the rude blog Just found this blog yesterday. tongue in cheek and hilarious...

cedar's mountain a blog that I stumbled upon and fell in love with...G is a great writer and you need to check it out.

The Habitual Hobbit  ib is just a regular guy with a wushi finger! he will be doing a guest post soon at my guy book site... 

Yandie Goddess of Pickles never know what this gem will be, but it will always be real and mosly be funny!

Absolutely Primed cuz i  love AP. this blog goes all over the place but is always well written...and usually i laugh...

Secret Pleasures Mynx-y's sexy site...and since i am pretty sure she is the most Aus-some Aussie on the planet, I am giving her an award for versatility...i take that back...she is most Aus-some Aussie!

My cakeology  not about cake cakeologist The cakeologist... just started stalking checking this bloggerere out, so I have not officially stalked her enough to know anything other than she is funny...and knows a metricfuckpile about cake...

tapetum lucidium or something like that... the link works, i think...KAT is the most awesome thing since sliced rye and butter, (which i love like a drug) and is all around the cats me ow!

Contact each blogger you want to pass the award on to and let them know you’ve done so, and let the giver of your award know you accept it.

so.fucking.DONE.

i so lied...it was easy for cheesy...like chips and cheesy!

(and i know it is like 17 blogs but only 15 bloggerers)

ALSO.....

The lovely Mynx at dribble... gave me a Pav. the greatest award on the net next to the fucking petey!

I will fulfill my obligations on this one in a future post, but suffice to say, I will be keeping this one all to myself...at least until my winterfatass goes away...I feel a binge coming on!

AND...

Dear Dad:

Wish you were here to see your grandkids...they have been a thorn in my side  my best contribution to the world. (even tho' i am not a bio dad) You would be as proud as I am of them...Had a couple $1.00 PBR's in your honor last night, as no one sells Strohs, anymore...can't quite figure that one out.    The Jets have been good the last couple years...you were right about the LIONS...cheers! old man! hope the beer is flowing freely, and the fish are biting!

love,

Bruce

so y'all can belly up to the bar and enjoy with me...OR DRINK ALONE...

Just Another Day in Paradise Batchelorhood!