all the cool kids!

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Thursday, April 7, 2011

Thrusday thoughts! 4 7 11

editor's note: Tucker and I have been... 
just guying it up this week...
the ladies are on a road trip. 
i have had more pizza, beer, and snack foods than prolly legal...
and washed it all down with some 
Candyian Whiskers, right Tuck?
my SlackAssity knowz no boundz! 

1. slinky's (toys in my attic)
2.donuts (are a cops best friend)
3.nekkid wimmens pictures (of your momma!)
4. some star is preggers (who the f cares?)
5.some star is breaking up(see above)
6.some star is cracking up (see above)
7. twitter is crashing (really)
8. OMG no fucking tweets (say it ain't so)
9. the world is ending (it IS)
10. we are all dooomed (we ARE)
11. bonus trend PIZZA (my best friend)

twitter is experiencing some difficulties. apparently nearly 6 billion users is overloading the system with abject 140 character or less stupidity. 

didn't see that coming?

my EviltTwin will be talking about this tomorrow...mebbe..if he ever sobers up... or not...whatthefuckever...

Welcome to the latest and greatest new BIA's (read this link to get my drift)

Tracy at Average Girl 
and  i spy with my little eye all the colors of the world
Tony at Tony Van Helsing's Mystery theater
Rafa at The Rude Blog
Mamma at Heather's a Mommy
Heather aka Sugar Free at Sugar Free Toughts

All of these cool kids are hanging with Mr. Johnson, so stop by and mebbe MORE cool will rub off on you! (cuz if you are following me you are already cool...but everyone can use more cool)

batchelored out?
still drunk from 4 days without the fam?
all of these reasons could be why i am doing a repost.

The main reason is not enough of you new CoolCats and DudeDogs is doing your part to CyberWebbberStalk me. well some of you are...but not enough of you...

oh and the absolutely fantabulous Mrs Hyde posted today about a similar post to this...go check her out..i will wait...

*cracks a beer*
*gulps it*
*cracks another*
*sips it*

making it easy to get to know me, and the special brand of crazy...that is me...

the SunCrazies

The sun is out! 

Mr. Winter is running scared. Goodbye you old miserable man! I know he will come back, far to soon, with a vengence.  He is leaving not from the sun chasing him away as much as from the crazies. The crazies come out in the sun like turtles on a log in the river. (I know you have seen this on any river). I know you probably have run across a couple in your travels. Most of them are harmless.

Some are not. 

The SunCrazies are out and "On the move." 

YOU  have been WARNED!!!!

Just for a minute, reserve your judgment, and do not lump me into the group in which I am discussing, I am my own patented brand of crazy and I know I am not all there.

I can live with this fact.

My crazy factor is what makes me so much fun. 

My crazy is independent of the sun, the moon, or any other external factor.

I was stopping by Smitty’s in Easttown to get some quaffable liquid imbibaries to finish off the week. Celebrating as much as possible is my new reality. There is always cause for a celebration, whether it is a day above ground up-right and taking nourishment (courtesy of GWC), the end of a grueling work week, or the loss of a loved one, celebrating is the right thing to do.

Grief is fine, and necessary, but the life shared, not the death, should be cause for a celebration

As you know Browndog only drank Molson, so I had to get a few to celebrate his life. 

However I digress.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, SunCrazies

As I walked up the sidewalk from the parking lot to Smitty’s I noticed one of the many SunCrazies that I saw on this sunny day. This particular individual was walking down the side walk mumbling about some thing. I avoided the urge to strike up a conversation or smile.

Anyone that has worked a Home Show with me knows that I am a crazies magnet.

They are drawn to me like Cindy Crysby to the crease on a hockey rink. (The hated Cindy would not be nearly the goal scorer he is if he had to shoot the puck from more than two feet.)

yeah Krissy and Oily, I know, he is your guy but...

Driving is one of my favorite times to admire or admonish the SunCrazies. Many people complain about the lack of operating skill of the typical non-drivers on the road during the winter. However, the crazies’ factor is in full bloom in the sunny days as well. It is as if the sun crazies are like some kind of reverse vampire. They are drawn to the sun. They wander down the boulevards, streets and highways in some kind of sun induced stupor.

It is really bad when the sun comes out right after a blizzard.

You know what I am talking about.

That particular anomoly is double jeapardy...

I am sure that the SunCrazies do not all have a pair of HD sunglasses, as seen on TV, like I have, or maybe they would be able to deal with the sunshine, instead of becoming SunCrazies. You, like me, have seen these light induced lycanthropes making a left turn, driving thru a parking lot, or toddling down the e-way in slow motion on any sunny day.

The conversation in the operator’s cockpit is as such, “Geez, Margie look at all that sun!”

To which Margie replies, “Yes, Harry, it is glorious! Why don’t you slow down a bit to take it in all it’s glory.”

To which I reply, “JEEZUS FuckING CREE-IST, FuckING SPEED IT UP OR GET THE Fuck OFF THE fucking fuckity fuck  PLANET!!!”

These same sunlight lycanthropic crazies wonder up and down the block, thru the parking lot, and all over hell’s half acre on foot. The sun blinds them to the cross walk signs, the other vehicles, and the any other life threatening event that they come across. They are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence, they blissfully bee-bop thru the same dimension as the rest of the world, impervious to frantic hand gestures and tongue-lashings.
These SunCrazies are not to be confused with the sun zombies. They are different breed entirely. The sun zombie will not move, but lie in the sun, like the sun baked road kill they are. Some of these sun zombies of the feminine persuasion will bath sans top.

Do not get caught with the video camera taking liberties of the scenery by your wife.

It is much better to give the camera to your 10 year old son.

Then it will be cute, curious and funny.

Not so much cute, curious, or funny for a middle-aged father.

Jus’ sayin’.
The sun zombies also are the reason for the escalating rise in skin cancer. They live on the beach and have the same leathery look of an iguana. Thankfully, thru the natural order of things, they are becoming extinct. The Speedo industry is in a marketing swoon. Too bad.

Better get a Speedo now before they also become extinct.

segued but not forgotten...

the post dumb-ass, the post!
Way back when I was younger and more insane, I used to sell Tee-shirts at art festivals. The sun was out most of the time, and so where the crazies. There was one show in particular that drew more than its fair share of sun crazies, the Ann Arbor Art Fair. (The A²)
Ah yes, the A². We had a ton of fun selling the shirts. We were pranksters. We tied a hot dog to a stick and hit people in the head with the hot dog as we yelled,

“Hot dog on a stick!!!” It was a hot dog on as string tied to a stick, which we would puppeteer into people's faces...

We wrote “See the Monkey on a mirror, and then showed the mirror to people as we said “SEEEEE THE MONKEY!!!”

I was always amazed that so many people did not get the joke.

They would say, “I don’t see your monkey.”

I would say, "Duh! YOU are the Monkey….”

We also sold the shirts right off our backs, sweat and all, and it was a badge of honor to do this. Some of you may say that we were SunCrazies as well...

I scoff at the idea.

We were just young and full of fun...

back then i was bumpy not lumpy...
The A² had lots of SunCrazies, but none more famous than Shakin’ Jake. He only came out in the sun. It rained rarely during the A². When it did rain, the SunCrazies disappeared like hot dogs on a skinny Japanese guy’s plate in a hot dog eating contest…
Shakin’ Jake was “On the move.” He wandered up and down the street, with his guitar slung over his shoulder, zig-zagging thru the crowd. Occasionally he would have the guitar in playing position, and strumming as he walked. It was rarely in tune. most times it was missing a few strings. He would tell everyone that would listen, what his particular girl trouble was on that particular day.

He had a ton of girl trouble.

All the time, but hey he was a man, so nothing more really needs to be said.

He was a local icon during the fair. “On the move! Gotta take care of that woman! She wants…mumbling and I think cursing…” I did the A² Fair 13 years, and walked it a couple other years, he was ALWAYS there. On the move. Always bitching about that woman, women...

There are several rumors and ideas of where and what Shakin’ Jake actually did for a living. Some said he was just a homeless guy that was more visible during the A², but that is kind of boring. I had heard that he was a local barber that closed his shop for the fair and adopted the persona of Shakin’ Jake.

My personal favorite was that he was a wealthy man that lived in Ypsilanti.

He came out during the fair to do the Shakin’ Jake thing.

You can be REALLY eccentric if you are wealthy.
A few years back, at the A² the SunCrazies were out in force, and I happened to come across Shakin’ Jake as usual, he was, "On the move"...It had been years since I had done the fair and years since I had seen him.I bought his disc. It was not very good. It was pretty bad. So what? He lived as all sun crazies do. He lived the SunCrazies dream.

Coming out to be crazy while the sun reigned.
Who really knows who Shakin’ Jake really was? And really what does it matter? He enjoyed the sun and was crazy. I do not know if he is still "On the move." He came out to do his thing, and was there every year, long before I started doing the fair and long after.

I drink this, Browndog’s favorite beer, Molson in Shakin’ Jakes honor, and celebrate his and browndog's  life.

Just another day in paradise


  1. Bahaha! I think the SunCrazies move to Florida or Arizona every winter!

  2. Ah the ever idiotic sun crazies. We have those here too.

  3. Excellent post. However the world is full of imaginary monsters and you adding Sun Zombies to the mix is not helping.

  4. @ On My Soapbox - Sun Crazies for sure come south but we call them snowbirds. I talked about the auto transports packing up yesterday. Thank you 6 lbs baby Jesus!

    Bruce! Great post! Shakin' Jake! I love that story! In Houston, TX (Oilfield Trash may know this place) we use to go out downtown, before it was as nice as it is today. There was a club called Power Tools that was underground, for realz. No really, it was in the tunnel off of the bayou. We parked in not so safe parking lots and homeless people would watch your car for $5. My favorite was "Downtown Red". Downtown Red would always happen to be at the parking lot we parked in (which changes weekly) He remembered our names as we partied it up with him several nights. He would buy us beer at the stop and rob. We were underage and crazy. He had a saying that we all loved "Downtown Red, Got your back!" then he would laugh his fool head off in a scary way to most. But we loved him! Nothing ever happened to our car and we always got an escort to the front door of the club.

    I love crazy! It is the degree of crazy that you have to be concerned with. :)

  5. sun zombies. i have seen them. them and their dead doll eyes.

  6. I am certainly NOT looking forward to the sun, or its crazies. I already LIVE in Arizona. We are way over our limit of crazies!!

  7. Now I won't be able to sleep for fear of Sun Crazies under my bed! O_O

    Yes, you certainly are crazy, but it's what makes you so lovable, boss. ;-)

  8. I had a question but since my flipping question mark key is NOTWORKING again I will just not leave a comment.


  9. Firstly, I don't appreciate having to look up a word on in order to understand this post. Lycanthropic indeed! Just for that the sun crazies are gonna eat your brains after cooking them on the sidewalk on a hot sunny day.

  10. Ok ok, get the hint. More blog stalking required.
    Great post my friend. And Tucker is too young for whiskey

  11. You know what scares me? Sun Normals!!!
    Or just regular normal people. I can't wait to get sun crazy or cloud crazy or just plain crazier. Just get me the fuck outside where I belong with shorts and a t-shirt please.....

  12. I almost forgot my new blog address is:
    just another blog where I express myself in a nice sincere manner and nothing bad is ever said. If you stop by it explains itself

  13. i live in FL we call them snowbirds and i am so ready to send them home

  14. WOW you are BUSY doing rants man! this is just fucking huge man!
    I haven't checked you in a while (i am sorry)

    Still beer+pizza is the winning combination!

  15. sounds like you and Tucker are having a blast...
    beer and pizza all the must be a universal bloke thing :)


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