all the cool kids!

you are getting very sleepy...when i snap my fingers you will follow this blog! leave tasty comments! and check out my OTHER blogs! Bruce's Evil Twin stupid stuff I see and hear The Dreamodeling Guy dreamodeling! The Guy Book The Guy Book

the blogdog blog

Friday, February 18, 2011

slow down and beer me...

editors note:this is a re-post from early 2010...the events of this past week have had me thinking a lot. about a lot of things.

trending noooooo!!!trending nooooooo!!!!
1.Jon Gosselin (has an STD)

2.Adrianne Palicki (new wonder woman)
3.Paris Hilton (getting older, still an idiot)
4.Amanda Seyfried (breaking up with boyfriend, who the f* cares)
5.Tax forms (just say no to paying taxes)
6.Rosie O'Donnell (fat, obnoxious, ugly, and stupid are her good points)
7.Born This Way (whatever, loser)
8.Health insurance (still a huge fucking problem)
9.Michael Vick (attacked by dogs, again!)
10.Extreme rain (and it is PURPLE!)

This weeks JADIP blog is sponsored by

 slow down and beer me!

The other day, or maybe it was a few years ago, I was sitting around doing nothing. I stayed in my pajamas all day. I watched some television. I ate some food. I drank some beer. Had a couple cocktails. I was lazy. Not that that is very hard to imagine, me, being lazy, but I was.

I had the perfect slow day.

It was a thing of beauty.

There is something that is just and right about a lazy day. We are all in a hurry all the time. We text, we call, and we twitter. Well, I don’t twitter. Something about the word twitter. I Brit I used to work with called people twits. Somehow when I think of twittering, I think of the people he would call twits. I agreed with most all of his opinions on those he called twits. It was an insult.

I do not see myself twittering any time soon.

I only text if it is a matter of importance like life, death, insults, or beer. I text insulting remarks to my friends because it is fun. Much more so than insulting them in person. Well, not really. I still prefer face-to face time over the other means of communication. I have several templates designed to text important things like:

beer me

Mulligan’s ( my fav bar) or

Mancave Thursday.

Of course a template is a time saver. I can bank that time for the next slow day. Maybe even get in a 25 hour day. As you go slower time actually SEEMS to slow down. If I move slow enough I may discover the secret to time travel. Maybe. You just don’t know. I do not need to know that it is impossible.

I do not need to know the physical improbabilities.

It seems to me our society is flying at breakneck speed. We can’t drive 55…We need to be in constant contact. Society needs a snow day. We only get one shot at life in this world. (as far as I know). Society needs a significant floating holiday. Or at least a half day. A friend of a friend used to say, “If you don’t like this speed you really won’t like the other one.”

I use that almost daily.

Almost as much as JADIP.

Yeah, I know that society needs to keep moving. Movers and shakers need to keep moving and shaking. You snooze you lose. Time waits for no man. Efficiency, productivity, and best practices, while important, do need to get a rest at some point. Even my laptop gets bogged down if I hyper click, run too many applications, or hit the wrong series of buttons. I would never be confused with a computer savvy person, I can, however, tell when the computer is over taxed when multi tasking.

It shuts down.

It freezes up.

It takes a nap.

Recently I worked for a couple. They were both in wheel chairs. One was in the last stages of a terminal illness. The other was a double amputee. They were very upbeat. They were happy. You can be upset about your bad day, bad haircut, cold food, or any number of trivial things. You do not have to look very far to find some one who has it worse than you.

You can rush through this life, hoping and praying that the next life is better.


you can slow down and beer me …..

Just another day in paradise

Thursday, February 17, 2011

thinking thursday 2 17

1.Megan Fox (really hot)
2.Jennifer Lopez (preggers)
3.Britney Spears music (wait…wha? She does music, I thought she was a pornstar)
4.Jennifer Beals (not star dancing for her)
5.Stock rally (yay! Im wealthy)
6.Beyonce (divorcing jay-z, but seriously, who cares?)
7.Corey Haim (arrested for male prostitution)
8.Medicare fraud (lots of not dead people making claims)
9.F-35 jet (for sale, low miles)
10.Larry the cat (in space!)

 This weeks JADIP blog is sponsored by

A warm BIA welcome to elexerdelex at chocotaster...a blog about chocolate! and Yummy!
i however am allergic to chocolate, but not this blog... check it out it is goooood...

Usually on thursday I bring up thoughts in  a thinkin' Thursday. Not today. Do to my health issues, I have been a bit outta it the past couple days, so if I have not been by like normal leaving inane comments and such, I may have just swung by for a read.  I appologize for being behind in my perusals. I am feeling a bit better, but the past 48 hours were a bit on the hard side. I am coming out the other side, sorta brain dead and very thankful!


Today is thankful thursday.

I am always thnakful I am above ground. And I am coming to terms with my getting more sexy! (right, Mynx!)

First of all,  Thank god TuckMonster can write a post, and took care of his duties, although I noticed he shirked the replies, with a mass one-size fits all reply.  He did share with me that he had responded to most with a personal reply before the damn 'puter froze up... so he lamed out and just did the blanket reply. Thank you all for the comments from me too...

jayzuz....that is to f*ing easy!

Second of all, I am gonna try a giveaway on Sunday's sunday snipet's post. You will have to show up Sunday to see what all the hype is! You may or may not be thankful for this...

and now for the post!

I am thankful for you all.

However, in this past week one particular Bloggerer did something that is so awesome i just had to share it! 
Bubbles at bursts of bubbles  and make my day 
definitely made my day!

I went out to the post box the On Saturday and instead of the myraid of bills I usually get related to my health issue, I got a really cool box. It was all shiney and sparkly...


in this box was bubble wrap, and

Bubbles is a very talented crafter. She sent me the
TuckMonster these! they have texture and are cool as shit!

I still get  a thrill when I get Something in the mail that does not make my blood pressure rise!

I am So Thankful to have recieved these to lovely hand made postcards!

If you have not checked out My FRIEND BUBBLES, go now....

Just Another Day (Aboveground) IN Paradise!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

tUckErr 2sdAy birthday edition! 2 15

tucker is one! year! old!

daddy says the cake was made of snow!

TRENDING NO!!!!!!! TRENDING NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.Michelle Pfeiffer (dark shadows movie with tim burton?)
2.Nancy Kerrigan (her brother is a drunk, so why google her?)
3.Dwayne Johnson (back in the ring?)
4.Victoria Beckham (posh spice now into fashion?)
5.Foreclosure (is still in the news? Yeah our economy IS turning around!)
6.Irina Shayk (Russian Spy!)
7.Frankie Muniz (arrested while in drag)
8.747-8 Intercontinental (crashes into ocean)
9.Coca-Cola recipe (re-vealed and yes veal is an ingredient)
10.Medicare (new requirments. You must be dead to qualify)

This week the JADIP blog is sponsored by
stop by and say hi!

A warm welcome to new BIA Jen at starting over. stop by, have a cup of whatever and chat. leave a comment! say hello. Tell her Bruce sent ya!

Hello-(Said in a deep voice, kinda like Darth Vader and Rosanne Barr in  a blender through a megaphone)

I am Tucker. I am a dog. I am  no longer a little puppy.


I .Am .Not.

Now, I am an adult dog. I do adult dog machinations. I am currently attempting to triangulate the isosceles triangles and 2 pi r squared and the hypotenuse and other Adult Dog Mathematical formulas to equate the dimensions of....and the geopolitical ramifications squirels and bunnies...

Ha HA ha Ha!

Psyche your mind... I was just kidding. I am Still a puppy. But I am now One Year Old. I fooled you, didn't I. You were all ascared and stuff. Then I lickity'd your face. And got all wigglily-jigglily. Cuz i was just


I turned one year old on February 12, 2011. I am not a little puppy anymore, but I am a lab, and daddy says I will be a puppy for a long time. that is okay with me.

I nominateded my daddy's blog for the best animal blog.

My site was nominated for Best Animal Blogger!
this link should take you there to vote for us.

On saturday,  my birthday,  daddy took me outside to play!

here i am looking around for mr squirel or mrs bunny!

mr stick we meet again

got you mr stick!

mr stick tried to get away!

there is always plenty of stuff to sniff!

i can see you daddy! i will pounce on you!
then i will lickitty you
and get all wiggly jiggly

here is my impression of a pig!

see you next week!
go vote for me!

Monday, February 14, 2011

MFFT... Tagged by Mynx 2 14

TRENDING NO!!!!!!! TRENDING NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.Serene Branson (possible stroke)
2.Jessica Simpson (dumb, dumber, and dumbest all in one)
3.Bill Murray (Cinderella boy, comes from nowhere, to lead the field)
4.Charlize Theron (in yet another movie…oh wait, she’s an actress)
5.Katharine McPhee (hot)
6.747-8 Intercontinental (greener? funny! It’s a f*ing jet. It uses 1000’s of gal of fuel per flight)
7.Whaling shipwreck (melville’s inspiration)
8.Tax deductions (your hampster is NOT a deduction)
9.Lady Antebellum (glee cover does not impress)
10.Christina Aguilera (tumbles at Grammy’s, her career in a spiral)

fickle cattle. He has a ton of followers and has won at least one BLOG award! He posted recently that his page views are down.   stop by and check his blog out! It is always written very well and very poignant.

I am also thinking the same thing, but on a really small scale, however, I did say I would pimp him out, cuz I am a pimping machine! Does anyone else think their page views have dropped? My comments have remained stable, however. I think GuzzleNutter is f*ing with the stats...f* GuzzleBooger.

This weeks JADIP blog is sponsored by

a big welcome to new BIA CkretsGalore at kick her right in the habit  you need to check her out, I am never disapointed in her posts!

My site was nominated for Best Animal Blogger!
i think tucker may have nominated himself!
so lets go and vote  (or not,
he is on to something else now and will not even remember this by next week)
for him as best animal blog,
since i am sure there are no other puppies writing a blog!

On the MFFT menu this week:

My good friend Mynx at Dribble... or as I describe her to my non-bloggerer friends the Hottie Aussie!...  well she bumped me up on the five things I can't leave home without...(i may or may not have a BloggererCrush on her...)

1.  My utility belt. Just like The Batman, I need my tools to keep the world safe. It includes keys, a carabineer, and a wallet. oh yeah and that goddam cell phone...when my book gets sold...that phone is so gone! Bridge, river, toss, freedom!

2. My brain. I have seen far too many people that actually do leave home without it. My EvilTwin usually takes care of the really stupid shitake mushrooms that develop.

3. The monster and his boys. I do not let my wife hold these guys for me.

4. My glasses. And yeah, baby these specs double as X-ray specs!  I can see through your clothes. Funny thing they do not work on guys...whew! Oh and I can not see with out them.

5.  My sense of humor. Yup. the world is a really a stupid filled place, so if I leave home without my sense of humor...people.will.die.

Just Another Day In Paradise!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

sunday monster snipets 2-13

in my....PANTS!

Content warning: this post refers to genitalia. and sex. Some words may offend some of you. I am not very politcally correct. If you are feeling very soft and gentle today you may want to skip this post.....

this may be more your speed....

or mebbe this...

prolly not this...
but you can stop by anyway!
say bruce sent ya!

1.Chelsea Clinton (hubby going crazy)

2.Elizabeth Taylor (died)
3.Kelsey Grammer (daughter got married, who really cares?)
4.Zooey Deschanel (my latest stalker…)
5.Valentine flowers (just say no!!!)
6.Carrie Underwood (comes outta the closet)
7.Chile earthquake (shaking some stuff up)
8.Whaling shipwreck (Moby wins this round!)
9.Arnold Schwarzenegger (he’ll be back)
10.Asthma (sucks and blows)
This weeks JADIP blog is sponsored by
SemiTrue ToryStellar

welcome new BIA 
bushmanjeffery at a simple life

dudemeister41 at well this doesn't suck

(i guess) I am supposed to write a post about a topic with the title monster in my pants. I find this  ironically funny because I recently had a cancerous tumor removed in the pantal region and have only worn actual pants like 5 times since the surgery. And beleive me, putting on pants does remind me of the monster down there.

But then again so does a prostate exam.

But on to the post.

The monster in my pants...sss...

When I was a young child, I rarely wore pants. I was often found traversing the neighborhood sans diaper and usually got busted playing with the hose. No perverts, not my hose, a garden hose. Jeebus, I was only like two. I didn’t learn how to play with that hose until much later.

Like when I was three.

Mebbe four.

Being a guy, as I have grown, I have noticed the world revolved around all kinds of war related stuff (and you can read about it in The Guy Book) and fighting the evil in the world. Monsters were a part of that evil. The monsters were not all real.  Some were imagined and some were a part of us. We have been accused of thinking with our small head. 

OH THAT monster...

Yes virgin..ia there is a monster in my pants.

I am not going to lie. I have had a couple virgins...but that is another story...nah...mebbe not...however! The monster in my pants made me say “I love you” to several girls that I really did not love.  I used to keep a cubic zurconia ring in my glove compartment of my truck and the line was always ready,

"Yeah, baby, if I didn't really didn't love you, would I give you this?" (Presents ring...)

All for the sake of letting the monster out. The monster in my pants knew no satiation, no release, no closure, until he got what he wanted.  Until he soaked up the sweet essence of sexy. The warm wetness of the center of her. Until we dipped the wick. And the penultimate release.

And you all know what that was. and is.

Orrrrrrrgasm! (singsong voice)

Having a daughter is peotic justice. It is karmic retaliation. It is a boon, but it is my bane!

There is really nothing else in the world that compares to the feeling of intercourse. The furbisquit and fuckpole boogie. horizontal bop. bumping uglies. doing the nasty. making fish tacos. boinking. boffing. beach blanket bingo. nude napping. x rated petting. fucking. doing it. or fucking. (I know i repeated myself...)

 (or as my evil twin would say fuck! fuckity fuck fuck! if you like the word fuck, he is your guy!) And my monster knew that. He did not care that I had to lie. He did not care what I had to do to get him where he wanted to be. He controlled my thoughts, dreams, vocalizations, and life from the time I had my first woody until…



and then some...

You See, people, the urge to procreate is strong. And the urge to spread the seed is also. Every dog needs a place to bury his bone...My monster also knew that and took advantage of the situation. I am fortunate that I do not (that I know of) have any biological offspring. (and so are all you all) But the monster in my pants did not care.

Women have a monster in their pants as well.

But I love that monster. Everyone knows I am just a lesbo trapped in a man's body...

The monster and me are inseparable. Partially because we did not marry this girl  (that sad sack licker to her right?  john wayne bobbit...) i still shudder every time either name is mentioned. eeewww...

The monster and I also dodged the bullet of venereal disease and were unprotected before the actual knowledge of AIDS, but were also unscathed by this particular scourge of our promiscuosity.

Yeah, promiscuosity.

What about it?

Overall, I am fondly and completely attached to the monster in my pants. I do so love him. As we have matured, we have come to terms with the past. I still need to keep him in my pants. He still has a rambunctious side. However, he is much more easily distracted nowadays.

While we did enjoy the 12 and a half minutes we used to religiously spend on foreplay, and the time we were in the wet zone, we have adapted to our age. We are much more slow to arouse, but can last longer. Well, as long as there is no game on.

Or it is not like hella late, or the kids don’t bust in, the dog doesn’t bark, or we are not distracted by work. And, thankfully the monster and I do not yet need to use Viagra. We still like to roll over and take a quick nap after the sex act. But mostly, we no longer need to lie to women to get a piece of ass.

We now lie to them just for the fun of it.

Damn that monster anyway!

Just aMONSTER Day in (a) paraPANTS