all the cool kids!

you are getting very sleepy...when i snap my fingers you will follow this blog! leave tasty comments! and check out my OTHER blogs! Bruce's Evil Twin stupid stuff I see and hear The Dreamodeling Guy dreamodeling! The Guy Book The Guy Book

the blogdog blog

Thursday, February 3, 2011

thinkin thursday 2 03

1.1,500-year-old church (talk about pews)

2.Nikki Blonsky (looking for some glee love)
3.Britney Spears (preggers!)
4.Kristen Stewart( gains 40 lbs)
5.iPhone (now makes toast AND coffee)
6.Halle Berry (hot, so f*ing hot!)
7.Angry Birds (take a shit on jerry jones!)
8.Tiger Woods (comes outta the closet)
9.Day of Rage (against the machine…Egypt’s political machine!)
10.Airline tickets (douchebags fly free….the problem is convincing the airline you are a douche to fly and then the rest of the world your now when you are done flying!)

i stole borrowed the above from my EvilTwin! for a change!

This weeks JADIP blog is sponsored by

welcome new BIA
RAW at a few good sites  a compilation of  good sites and reviews of products!
Jared at What would Jared Do?  comedic and fun!

Check these guys and leave 'em a comment! Tell 'em Bruce sent ya!

For my Thinkin Thursday I was feeling like waxing nostalgic and reposting a instant classic.  (i had about 3 followers when i first posted this...)

The captain

When my father was alive he had a Chrysler New Yorker. My father was a guy that grew up in Brooklyn, it was apropos. I often wondered why it took so long for a car to be named after the Big Apple, but then after seeing all the traffic, I can understand the hesitation. In a big city you can catch a cab, more easily than drive the few blocks to the next destination. And do not get me started on the parking. However, a car called the Los Angeles, would be stupid and probably very green, given the amount of smog in LA.

All digression aside, the New Yorker was a fine car, with all the bells and whistles afforded from its era. It did not have leather seats, but fine velour. Complete with numerous cigarette burns. It even had a lighter and an abundance of ashtrays which also had lighters. Every smoker in the car could light up and smoke. Those were the days! Ashtrays in a car now are mainly a place to keep change. And fewer cars have lighters, but they have a plethora of lighter shaped “convenience outlets, because, heaven forbid that your cell phone is not charged so you cannot keep abreast of all the tweets and texts. Also, Sheila can give you her particular brand of misinformation even if you forgot to plug her in.

The New Yorker also had the captain. Not the greatest captain in all of sports history, Steve Yzerman, nor the second greatest captain, Nick Lidstrom. The New Yorker’s captain was a computer voice that my mother gave the moniker of “The Captain.”

The Captain kept track of all kinds of things that the average driver of such a car might not have forefront in their mind. For example, he would say “The door is ajar.” in his Max Headroomesque voice. ( Max Headroom ). Actually, it is not a jar, it is a door, my mother would remind The Captain, and soon anyone that rode in the car would as well.

For the elite non-driver types (holders of Operator licenses as in the state of Michigan) of the world, this little voice probably helped them to navigate thru the often confusing world of operating a car. Or that was someone’s idea of what this voice could be. That someone had to think this was a good idea. I do not know who would agree that a computer voice command, ordering you around, would make the driving experience more enjoyable. I would suspect that is the same person that suffered from all kinds of other social inadequacies. (People even more nerdish than me….I know they are out there, just like the truth).

The Captain had no mute, so if you wanted to drown him out, you had to crank the stereo. However, the stereo was never balanced and faded correctly. In this car it was simply mono. My father did not understand the intricacies of the burgeoning stereophonic era. The speakers were always left balanced and faded full front. Basically, one speaker of the four was usable to him. But then again, AM radio and talk shows did not need stereo. And The Captain had his own speaker, he did not come thru the “MONO”

If your seat belt was not on The Captain, would insist that you, “Please, Fasten your seatbelt.” Yup, it was a car in command. It like to tell you what, where, when, and more what. My mother would then implore my father, “Ed, put on your seatbelt.” He would usually reply that a car was not going to tell him what to do. Eventually he just left the seatbelt fastened and sat in front of it.

The Captain would comment on the fuel range and say, “XX miles to empty” and “fuel is low.” That would mean that my father would have to take the car and put gas in the tank, because my mother did not have a clue as to how to fill up the tank. She had to learn after my father died, or find a full-serve gas station, which is even rarer than a cigarette lighter for lighting smokers in a newer car. Sometimes she would say to The Captain, that he could go fill up himself. But, she always seemed to answer back. I think that it was a game to her.

I inherited The Captain, a few months after my father died. My mother did not like the memories attached to the car. I parked it in my side yard for a while. We drove it occasionally. Eventually I traded it and some cash for a new electrical service in the house in Cedar. For some reason there were about ten sets of keys for this car, and it took me two trips to the new owners house to hand them off. I said goodbye to The Captain.

The other day as I was leaving my car I thought about The Captain. My truck now has some bells that remind me that the lights are on. There is a different sound for keys in the ignition. I do not know which sound is which. I really do not care. Until I lock my keys in the car, then I may care a little more. I came dreadfully close at the Easttown Post Office. For some reason I ignored the bell that said the keys were in the ignition. I pushed the lock down manually, instead of hitting the button. Then I shut the door. And then I realized what that dinging meant. The Captain would have sounded the alarm.

I looked to the other door. Please be unlocked! Please! Please! Please! be unlocked. If it was not magic, it was something else. The door was unlocked. The Captain would not have let me get that close to catastrophic lockout. Maybe it was the ghost of The Captain. If it was not The Captain, maybe it was the ghost of my father...

Just another day in paradise

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

2sday with Tucker 2 01

TRENDING NO!!!!!!! TRENDING NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1.Adam Sandler (gets a star on holly wood walk of stars…whoooppee..)
2.Lauren Conrad (gets engaged. I fail to see why anyone would care?)
3.Katherine Heigl (food poisoning and in hospital)
4.Niecy Nash (getting married, and who the f*ck cares? BTW, not me!)
5.Super Bowl recipes (order pizza and buy beer, make it easy this year)
6.Heidi Klum (pregnant again, saying triplets)
7.Heidi opossum (also preggers not subbing in for the ground hog tomorrow)
8.Influenza (sucks, but it helps thin the herd)
9.Top Gun (the sequel will suck)
10.Severe weather (guess what it’s winter! Shit like this happens in winter!)

This week the JADIP blog is sponsored by

stop by and say hi!

welcome new BIA 

Free Flying at tickets for two 
and Jewels at Jewels turning 30 and naughty nothings
They get the big tail wag from the TuckMonster and the thumbs up from daddy!

Check them out!
i am tucker. i am in-tents!
get it?
 i'm camping!
with daddy
the guypack!

hi. i'm tucker. i am a puppy. this week was totally awesome! i went WinterCamping with daddy and the guys from daddys GuyPack!

it.was. fun!

Daddy says i cannot tell what happens in the woods but my good friend Kage wants to know, so i will tell her. cuz she is really funny and daddy laughs at her blogs. and i am a puppy so i tell everything to everybody. cuz everybody loves me!

we only went over night, cuz daddy did not feel good. his not smoking is going really well. but he is still kinda sick. i do not know why we came home, cuz i was having fun! the guy pack called him a bunch of names, cuz he was not well and leaving early.

i am the dog of the hill!
i played Dog of the hill! no one beat me!  i was always dog of the hill! i was dog of the hill a. lot.  the other daddy guys were in the kitchen, where i was not supposed to go! but i was dog of the hill! i am cool like that! daddy says so...
nom! nom! nom!
like one giant snow cone! 
the daddy guys just sat around a.lot. they looked at magazines  with pictures in them, brought by some guy called the porndfairey or some thing like that, but not me! i ran around in the snow! i found sticks. mr squirel and mrs bunny were lame cuz they did not come with me even tho' i inviteded them. (daddy didn't know i did, but i did!)
i got my pictures taken a lot!
i was like what? what? wah?t?
gotta treat?
and then i gots one.
youz guyz are so easy.
yeastcoats talking is fun!
i did all kinds of exploring. there are all kinds of smells out in the woods! i found lots of stuff. on the way into the camp we found a dead animal. daddy and the guypack called it a deer. it looked to me like a bunch of sticks!

daddy's guys made fun of daddy  about his being sick, but in the end daddy said it was just joking i did not really care. 
i .was .busy.

he said the guypack was talking lots of shit, but i didn't smell any of it any wheres. i did smell some candiayan whiskers, cuz daddy brought some along. and i smelled a. lot. cuz there was lots to smell. but i did not smell any shit.

this is my i'm pissed look!
someone said treat.
i come up to see.
and there is not a treat

all the guypack all slept in tents this year. it was in tents! (get it intense= in -tents! haha, i am a puppy and puppies are funny!) daddy and i did as well. daddy put a flannel jacket on me so i would stay warm, but i did not need it! i am a puppy. i do not get cold.! i can sleep in any weather, cuz i am cool (heehe) like that, and it was really not that cold. daddy said it got down to the twenties. i do not know what that means, but it was not very cold to me!

i learnt some new impessions
here is one...
i am Tucker Van Goh!
ho ho ho...
i am funny!
i am a puppy!
and nothing is funnier that a puppy!

i had fun! but now i have to go!

see ya next week when we discuss the virtues of me having a birthday and youz buying me presents!

Just Another Dog in Puppydise!!!

Monday, January 31, 2011


editors note: profanity and stuff in this post may offend some of you. sorry...we will be back to normal tomorrow nearly profanity free with 2sday with Tucker...

TRENDING NO!!!!!!! TRENDING NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.Robin Wright (non acting career, is stalled out. Talks to redbook)
2.Demi Lovato (imagine that she is getting out of treatment)
3.Scott Bakula (makes the toast at SAG’s)
4.Gabrielle Gifford (husband to fly space shuttle in arpil?)
5.Tax preparation (fuck the IRS)
6.Donald Sutherland (at 75, still does his own stunts…in a wheel chair)
7.Ricky Martin (has syphillis)
8.Bubble Wrap Appreciation day(see here)
9.Valentine flowers(f*ing scam, don’t buy any!)
10.Atalnta Falcons (will be at the super bowl, as spectators)

This week the JADIP blog is sponsored by Morgan

The Adorkable Ditz's Missteps
stop by and say hi!

I was bestowed another award. it is truly and honor and a privilege to be considered funny by so many people.  
Amber at blah coo coo blah
presented me with this award...

thank you! amber at
 blah coo coo blah

The rules: (copy and paste for the new recipients.)

1. Link back to presenter either with sidebar link or in the your blog. (done)

2. Tell 7 interesting things that no one knows about you. (see below)

3. Pass on to 7 other blogs that mke you either LOL or at least giggle...

(with the 4 blogs I write, I have recieved this 6 times, and while I am flattered beyond belief, I am unable to pass this on to 7 that I have not already passed it this time...sorry... I will do so in the the guybook blog)
4. Tell them in an e-mail or in a comment on their blog. (see note above)

But I do have something to say... here is my weekly food for thought!

Live your life like there is no tomorrow! cliche, yup, but so very true!

okay, not very edible but....

I have been sorta ill for the past month. While I do not want this blog to be about "my poor me."  or a testament to all the ills in my life, or a feel sorry for me list of bad stuff...I do not want any pity or  that kinda stuff. I will divulge this to you my friends and loyal listeners. Since October my life has kinda sucked, and it has been a very difficult time. But I made a vow that this blog would never be about knitting, quilting, my hamster's finger painting, or a daily rant about how fucked my life is.

I try to make you all laugh, cuz I really do not want to cry...

In October, I started really devoting attention to writing blogs. It was the only way I saw to make sense of the world, by trying to find the positive.

I chose to reveal some of the stuff, but not dwell on it, but suffice it to say, the awards and the followings and the praise has been a bright spot in my life. I started this blog with the idea that it would be upbeat and satirical, not a daily dose of "oh poor me." People ask how does he do it? Write 4 blogs and keep up. simple...I need the release to keep my mind off of the shitstorm... (and I have a routine!)

Here it is:

1. October: not only does my boat, the BASSMONKEY take a shit, and I do not have the money to fix it,(yeah, I live for fishing the few months it is availabel to me, cuz ice fishing  sucks) one of my longest standing friends VoHo (40 years of friendship) nearly dies in an accident. He is still not back to even 50%, may never walk again, but he did not die! WinterCamping last weekend, was a wierd thing without him...and it really sucks. hey it is not me, but to see him in that bed, well, fuck me Freddy, that really sucks...

2. October: The guy that is my other bestie (43 years) tells me on the same day as he tells me of VoHo's accident, (also his best friend) that he is getting divorced cuz he caught his wife in an affair. fuckity fuck! His wife and my wife are besties, and his wife is a good friend of mine as well...oh, the unfairity...I know, it is not me, again, but it is my life. Believe me, it is hard to not make their problems our problems. It causes some great stress.

Thankfully I have alcohol additction!

3. November: the pricks at google brother pull the pin on my adsense, wherein I was planning on donating half the ad revenue to the Safe Haven Humane Society, in the TuckMonster's name! Yeah, we had just crossed the $100.00 threshold, so they fucking owed me! and I had posted a big "I'm gonna write a check blah blah thingy!" THAT really pissed me off!

4. November: I lose my job. Yeah, I know, you all kinda know that.  But it is still a fuckeroo. It was fortunately not a total surprise, but it sucked none-the-less.

I also started the evil twin blog, to rant and cuss, cuz that is also part of who I am.
AND my BIA, give me some awards and I feel Loved!

5. December: I turn 48. I know, right???....ooooohhh 48. Isn't that kinda like the new 28 or at least 38? i also lose my health insurance, cuz it was only paid up thru the end of November.Thank god i'm superman! While convalescing from the years of physically abusing my body on  a daily basis, (read: being on unenjoyment) I of course, get sick. Since I have no health insurance, I just wait it out. I subscribe to the idea that a higher Blood Alcohol Level will do the trick! No, not so much, but eventually I get better.

I manage to survive the holidays and we have a merry and all that, even with the furnace bullshit!

6. January: The old year ends with a Wings loss coupled with my teen daughters NYE party. 10 or so teenies (in the 16ish range) and lots of noise. It is okay, tho' at least they were here. Back in the day, the parties were at my house, cuz of the ease (my parents were lushes) of getting boozed up. All kidding aside, It really looked like a great start of the NY. I felt refreshed! Time to start re-upping my business. I AM so much smarter than I was in 2005, when I lost a half million and my business of 14 years! Things were gonna be great! 

Then I find a lump. It is only January 2nd. So much for the great start.

I go to the doctor. He is usually a fairly easy going guy. Not this time. When he says this is serious, I sober up (people). "You need an ultra sound. Tommorow."

I get the ultrasound, but the doc is not available to talk to until Thursday. There are few things that are more stressful than waiting for test results.   Very few. Longest. 48. hours. ever.

Again, thankfully I have an addiction to alcohol.

When you call the office to get your test results and they say you have to wait for the doc, that is not a very good thing. It is usally bad news. The doctor comse to the phone.

"I have you scheduled for surgery on January 10th. The test says there is definitly a mass. I am 90% sure it is cancer. We need to cut it out." 

7. I have cancer. (don't tell tucker he doesn't know)

My mind goes blank. I have nothing. No fucking witty quip, no snappy reparte. I am not so shocked, but I can only say to what?  

I reiterate that I do not have insurance. I do not have a job. I cannot afford this.

"You will not have to worry about anything if you do not get this taken care of. It will kill you." The choice is simple. I have to get the surgery, I have to get the mass removed.

I say "See ya Monday, I guess..." Yup, I showed up and got cut! AND I got a 'script to Vicodin! AND I quit smoking! 21 days today!

So, if I left any inappropriate or really stupid/goofy comments in the past couple weeks, it was prolly the Vicodin talking. On several occasions I found myself sleeping in mid comment. Sometimes I ended up on other websites, while I thought I was commenting. It was odd to say the least!

I tried to keep up with you all. If I said something that seems like a bit sappy, and you were confused, because I am not a sentimental guy, this post should help you understand where my head is and has been at...I have had my days, and some have been better than others, but overall, the waiting is a killer.

I am slowly getting back to normal. I am surprised how long it is taking to recover. I even had to come home early from my three days in the woods WinterCamping guys weekend. I am still not feeling well. I can make it about three hours before I need to rest... No stamina, and my lungs are still in bad shape from years of smoking...

I am telling you this cuz I care about the friendships I have made in the past 3 months, that have helped me thru this rather trying time. I will, however, have to focus more on  things other than bloggering. (Getting work) I may not be able to comment or respond to comments as much as in the past. I will try to keep up with you all. I will definitely be reading you all...
Long story short, the prognosis is very good! They think they got it all. I am very relieved. Yet still cautious. There will be more follow up appointments and stuff, but no chemo, no other surgeries. (at least at present) The first year is the hardest, but my doc says it is all good! 

Then the bills start coming. I have no idea how I will pay for any of this. 

I can say this tho'
another day alive is

Sunday, January 30, 2011

TP friday 132- curves

editors note: the sunday snippet feature has been bumped to next week. i know you are all bummed but...
1.Ernest Borgnine (getting saggy, er I mean fat, uh no I mean a SAG)

2.Debbie Gibson (found partying with Lindsey and Milley all 3 coked up and naked)
3.Bill Belichick (says f*it and retires..."it will be too hard to coach all these losers.. i quit!")
4.Lea Michele (plan on yet another BOOORING rendition of the SSB at the SB, and a gratutitous wardrobe malfunction!)
5.Real Housewives of Atlanta (show cancelled, it totally blows.)
6.Ali Larter (had a baby... did half the women in china..this is news?)
7.Geri Jewell (is a lezbian, but who the f* cares? Live and let live and f*ing leave her alone)
8.Flu season (is upon us… buy stock in Nyquil))
9.Suez Canal (closed after bomb threat, millions of wii’s stuck in shipping lanes riots ensue)
10.Mortgages (psst…guess what …the rates are still low…imagine f*ing that)

This week the JADIP blog is sponsored by Mynx at
thanks Mynx!

thematic photos 132 curves! with some gratuitious effects to havabit o' fun!
The TuckMonster did a couple, and daddy did some too!

tucker says!
daddy says this is me!
checking out my pool.
long before i was a water dog!
cuz NOW  im a swimming fool!
the pool is a curve youz see
talking yeastcoast still, hehe

me i'm tucker
                              in the lake!
               curvey dock!
curvey leash!
                    curvey beach!
                                                curvey skyline
feelin curvey!

                                                           birdie curvey 
curvey tower.
  toonish pic.
i love this spin of picturing.
makes it feel.....
like drawering! 

non-toonish pic of the same,
if you ask me it's kinda lame!

                                    way back  in        
                                                        the 70's we only
                                                           had black
                                                                           and white tv!
                                                                     when the stations
                                               ended broadcasting?
                                        oh yes they did...                                   
                                                                  tv was not 24/7
                                                             at the end...
                                                       of the day!
                              they would play
                                           the Star
"did wave!
                                       o'er the land of the free!
                                                                              and the hooooome
                                                                                     of the

to see more of this excellent

check this out!

and as usual
it is just another day in paradise!