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Monday, January 31, 2011


editors note: profanity and stuff in this post may offend some of you. sorry...we will be back to normal tomorrow nearly profanity free with 2sday with Tucker...

TRENDING NO!!!!!!! TRENDING NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.Robin Wright (non acting career, is stalled out. Talks to redbook)
2.Demi Lovato (imagine that she is getting out of treatment)
3.Scott Bakula (makes the toast at SAG’s)
4.Gabrielle Gifford (husband to fly space shuttle in arpil?)
5.Tax preparation (fuck the IRS)
6.Donald Sutherland (at 75, still does his own stunts…in a wheel chair)
7.Ricky Martin (has syphillis)
8.Bubble Wrap Appreciation day(see here)
9.Valentine flowers(f*ing scam, don’t buy any!)
10.Atalnta Falcons (will be at the super bowl, as spectators)

This week the JADIP blog is sponsored by Morgan

The Adorkable Ditz's Missteps
stop by and say hi!

I was bestowed another award. it is truly and honor and a privilege to be considered funny by so many people.  
Amber at blah coo coo blah
presented me with this award...

thank you! amber at
 blah coo coo blah

The rules: (copy and paste for the new recipients.)

1. Link back to presenter either with sidebar link or in the your blog. (done)

2. Tell 7 interesting things that no one knows about you. (see below)

3. Pass on to 7 other blogs that mke you either LOL or at least giggle...

(with the 4 blogs I write, I have recieved this 6 times, and while I am flattered beyond belief, I am unable to pass this on to 7 that I have not already passed it this time...sorry... I will do so in the the guybook blog)
4. Tell them in an e-mail or in a comment on their blog. (see note above)

But I do have something to say... here is my weekly food for thought!

Live your life like there is no tomorrow! cliche, yup, but so very true!

okay, not very edible but....

I have been sorta ill for the past month. While I do not want this blog to be about "my poor me."  or a testament to all the ills in my life, or a feel sorry for me list of bad stuff...I do not want any pity or  that kinda stuff. I will divulge this to you my friends and loyal listeners. Since October my life has kinda sucked, and it has been a very difficult time. But I made a vow that this blog would never be about knitting, quilting, my hamster's finger painting, or a daily rant about how fucked my life is.

I try to make you all laugh, cuz I really do not want to cry...

In October, I started really devoting attention to writing blogs. It was the only way I saw to make sense of the world, by trying to find the positive.

I chose to reveal some of the stuff, but not dwell on it, but suffice it to say, the awards and the followings and the praise has been a bright spot in my life. I started this blog with the idea that it would be upbeat and satirical, not a daily dose of "oh poor me." People ask how does he do it? Write 4 blogs and keep up. simple...I need the release to keep my mind off of the shitstorm... (and I have a routine!)

Here it is:

1. October: not only does my boat, the BASSMONKEY take a shit, and I do not have the money to fix it,(yeah, I live for fishing the few months it is availabel to me, cuz ice fishing  sucks) one of my longest standing friends VoHo (40 years of friendship) nearly dies in an accident. He is still not back to even 50%, may never walk again, but he did not die! WinterCamping last weekend, was a wierd thing without him...and it really sucks. hey it is not me, but to see him in that bed, well, fuck me Freddy, that really sucks...

2. October: The guy that is my other bestie (43 years) tells me on the same day as he tells me of VoHo's accident, (also his best friend) that he is getting divorced cuz he caught his wife in an affair. fuckity fuck! His wife and my wife are besties, and his wife is a good friend of mine as well...oh, the unfairity...I know, it is not me, again, but it is my life. Believe me, it is hard to not make their problems our problems. It causes some great stress.

Thankfully I have alcohol additction!

3. November: the pricks at google brother pull the pin on my adsense, wherein I was planning on donating half the ad revenue to the Safe Haven Humane Society, in the TuckMonster's name! Yeah, we had just crossed the $100.00 threshold, so they fucking owed me! and I had posted a big "I'm gonna write a check blah blah thingy!" THAT really pissed me off!

4. November: I lose my job. Yeah, I know, you all kinda know that.  But it is still a fuckeroo. It was fortunately not a total surprise, but it sucked none-the-less.

I also started the evil twin blog, to rant and cuss, cuz that is also part of who I am.
AND my BIA, give me some awards and I feel Loved!

5. December: I turn 48. I know, right???....ooooohhh 48. Isn't that kinda like the new 28 or at least 38? i also lose my health insurance, cuz it was only paid up thru the end of November.Thank god i'm superman! While convalescing from the years of physically abusing my body on  a daily basis, (read: being on unenjoyment) I of course, get sick. Since I have no health insurance, I just wait it out. I subscribe to the idea that a higher Blood Alcohol Level will do the trick! No, not so much, but eventually I get better.

I manage to survive the holidays and we have a merry and all that, even with the furnace bullshit!

6. January: The old year ends with a Wings loss coupled with my teen daughters NYE party. 10 or so teenies (in the 16ish range) and lots of noise. It is okay, tho' at least they were here. Back in the day, the parties were at my house, cuz of the ease (my parents were lushes) of getting boozed up. All kidding aside, It really looked like a great start of the NY. I felt refreshed! Time to start re-upping my business. I AM so much smarter than I was in 2005, when I lost a half million and my business of 14 years! Things were gonna be great! 

Then I find a lump. It is only January 2nd. So much for the great start.

I go to the doctor. He is usually a fairly easy going guy. Not this time. When he says this is serious, I sober up (people). "You need an ultra sound. Tommorow."

I get the ultrasound, but the doc is not available to talk to until Thursday. There are few things that are more stressful than waiting for test results.   Very few. Longest. 48. hours. ever.

Again, thankfully I have an addiction to alcohol.

When you call the office to get your test results and they say you have to wait for the doc, that is not a very good thing. It is usally bad news. The doctor comse to the phone.

"I have you scheduled for surgery on January 10th. The test says there is definitly a mass. I am 90% sure it is cancer. We need to cut it out." 

7. I have cancer. (don't tell tucker he doesn't know)

My mind goes blank. I have nothing. No fucking witty quip, no snappy reparte. I am not so shocked, but I can only say to what?  

I reiterate that I do not have insurance. I do not have a job. I cannot afford this.

"You will not have to worry about anything if you do not get this taken care of. It will kill you." The choice is simple. I have to get the surgery, I have to get the mass removed.

I say "See ya Monday, I guess..." Yup, I showed up and got cut! AND I got a 'script to Vicodin! AND I quit smoking! 21 days today!

So, if I left any inappropriate or really stupid/goofy comments in the past couple weeks, it was prolly the Vicodin talking. On several occasions I found myself sleeping in mid comment. Sometimes I ended up on other websites, while I thought I was commenting. It was odd to say the least!

I tried to keep up with you all. If I said something that seems like a bit sappy, and you were confused, because I am not a sentimental guy, this post should help you understand where my head is and has been at...I have had my days, and some have been better than others, but overall, the waiting is a killer.

I am slowly getting back to normal. I am surprised how long it is taking to recover. I even had to come home early from my three days in the woods WinterCamping guys weekend. I am still not feeling well. I can make it about three hours before I need to rest... No stamina, and my lungs are still in bad shape from years of smoking...

I am telling you this cuz I care about the friendships I have made in the past 3 months, that have helped me thru this rather trying time. I will, however, have to focus more on  things other than bloggering. (Getting work) I may not be able to comment or respond to comments as much as in the past. I will try to keep up with you all. I will definitely be reading you all...
Long story short, the prognosis is very good! They think they got it all. I am very relieved. Yet still cautious. There will be more follow up appointments and stuff, but no chemo, no other surgeries. (at least at present) The first year is the hardest, but my doc says it is all good! 

Then the bills start coming. I have no idea how I will pay for any of this. 

I can say this tho'
another day alive is


  1. That's great to hear the positive prognosis. And it was nice reading up on all the big events (many not so happy) in your life over the last number of months - just to have some more insight into Bruce.

    Hopefully 2011 turns out to be much better for you than the 2nd half of 2010. You deserve to have some happy things come your way!


  2. I sure hope 2011 is better for you.

    At least they got to it in time.

  3. I thought you've been quiet lately but I know what you mean about your blogs being your haven away from everything... mines like that too and I try not to be negative on my blog but sometimes you can't help it.

    Heres a virual hug

  4. What Simple Dude said. May 2011 bring you the best luck! Seems as if you deserve it!

  5. Wow.

    Thanks Bruce. I'm glad you decided to give yourself a time out and say what's been going on. Your stock, already high, just went up.

  6. Since sappy posts call for sappy comments, here goes:

    Chin up, Bruce. I know it can all seem overwhelming when everything comes crashing down (or seems to) at once.

    If you need to post non-humorous blogs I wouldn't worry about the followers. We're all here for you when you need to vent or need an escape into someone else's life.


  7. Bruce...first off, thank God it all went well. Fuck worrying about the $$. Usually hospitals have grant $$ you can apply for to help in hardship cases. Second, why don't you come to visit Bruce and me and you and I can have a Vicodin party. I take it every day. It does help doesn't it? Third, it always seems that quitting smoking always happens when you need it the most. One day at a time. Please keep us updated on the progress. All the funny and the fuck its are great but you are very important to us all. Thanks for letting us in on what's been happening. Hugs and Love to you and the family.

  8. Welllll shit!!! Hope the world starts treating you better soon!

  9. SD- thanks. alwyas get the bad outta the way first right?

    OfT- yup and yup!

    Bubbles-thanks for the virtual hug! and yeah, sometimes the blog is more real than the day im in...


    Rick- thanks for the compliment. it has been a trying time...

    kara- awww that was sweet! thnaks!

    barb- i would love to head on down. thanks for the invite! and i do love the vitamin v. i really debated for a long time on what i should do, but when it all comes down, you are my friends and i do love you all! i will keep you appointment is in march...

  10. Love ya Bruce!

    Didn't know SO MUCH was going on in your background...I'm just glad things seem to be looking up!

    Much <3, hed

  11. Wow, that was a doozy, but glad to hear things are looking up! Same thing happened to my fiance about 6 months ago. She went into her annual exam and they found cancerous cells in her uterus. We had no insurance, but that wasn't really relevant--we needed the cancer out, asap--so we had the procedure anyway. The doctor gave us a huge discount and the missus is cancer free. So as long as you're alive, well, fuck the money.

    I've been unemployed for 4 months and the missus has been unemployed for even longer, and both of us are happy as pigs in a pile of shit, even if we cannot afford the shit we are rolling in, from being in debt up to our eyeballs. Her brother, meanwhile, who is worth millions, is terminally miserable. I've never even seen him smile. So don't believe that hype about the almighty dollar. I find it's highly overrated.


  12. Bruce, I am at a loss for words. I am thrilled to know that the prognosis is good. Take the time you need, get your ducks in a row. Get well dude. I'll be praying for continued healing. If you need anything, I'll drive up nort to make sure you get it. You just need to give me directions. I don't want to find myself out of gas in the U.P. That is some cold shit.

  13. Well, there is certainly never a dull moment around your house! The health insurance thing really blows. When my COBRA ran out, I sucked it up and am paying way too much per month, but I'm kinda sorta covered (try for all sorts of coverage, including catastrophic). Not sure how much longer I'll be able to pay, though. Anyway, glad to hear that things are looking up! Good thing Tucker is around to keep you accountable.

  14. Wow Bruce, I'm glad you got it out. When my mom found out she had melonoma on her calf she got it off right away and it hasn't been back.

    I hope 2011 will be happy and prosperous and I'm glad to sponsor the venting day!

    I have been doing a lot of venting inspiring haven't I?

  15. DUDE! Man your list has bigger shit than mine, and that's saying something. I'm so glad that they were able to get it early and yes, although it's been said repeatedly, FUCK the money! It's all about priorities and you are way more important than the money.

    I understand not wanting to blog whine ... why do you think I've been so quiet? I haven't found a way to write and yet NOT write what's got me down, not because y'all wouldn't understand ... I've just been trying to escape thinking about it all I guess. But I'm really glad you told us what's been up with you, so maybe I have to rethink my own reluctance to talk.

    Here's to a brand new year.

  16. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck!! I know that shocked feeling when you are first diagnosed with Cancer, it's as if you want the world to stop spinning until you get your head around it! A wicked sense of humour helps, which you have and being positive 2. I was given 6 months to live and that was 20 years ago. I was told by my mum at the time that only the good die young and she reckoned I had so much more wickedness to impart to the world!

    Onwards and upwards and the tiredness does pass but you have to rest to let your body repair.

    Sending you lots of good vibes :)

  17. Oh Bruce, I got really teary this morning when I read this and then I said fuckity fuck fuck and saw your gorgeous facbook pic and decided that I would comment when I got home. Which is now. No fair that so many shitty things have happened to you because you have a beautiful soul and you deserve only the best. I am so happy that the surgery has sorted the cancer and totally proud that you have been off the smokes for 3 weeks now.
    Today I am dedicating my blog to you because I want everybody to know how much I adore you.
    Also, your coments on my blog have been totally coherent, darn lol.
    Peach love and Hugs

  18. Darn typo, should have been "Peace", but peaches are good too.

  19. Okay the Vicodin totally explains the "Petey Award" :) ::kidding::

    Although I am sorry to hear this Bruce I know with your positive attitude that you spread across the web and our lives everyday that it will turn around for you.

    I am so happy to know that you are on the road to recovery - YAY! - and that you are doing a bit better.

    Please know that we are here if you need us. We love ya' Buddy and wish you all the best.

    Hugs and happy sir!

  20. wow life sure had been a pain in the ass for you glad to hear you are doing good and i hope that 2011 is a great year for you. and in the wise words of Dory from Nemo "Just Keep Swimming"

  21. Geez! That is quite the list! I'm so sorry they've all piled up like that! Really, there's no choice but for it to turn around now, right? Let's hope so!

    p.s. Just came over from Mynx's page. I've never been here before. Glad she directed me your way.

  22. Wow- that was an awful lot of crap happening in a very short time. Glad things are looking a bit better for you and certainly hope that the rest of the year is better- much much better than it has been so far...hugs to you

  23. Holy fucking shit, Bruce, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this! :( I'm only just coming out of more than three years of hell myself, so I very much understand, and even though we've only just met, feel free to drop me a line. You can cuss and rant to me all you want.

  24. chief aka dad- hope so!

    hed-yeah, kinda a suckfest!

    beer/shower- yup money isn't everything...and it had to be done, so paying for it is secondary.

    ib- thanks dude. i do not live in the UP, tho' cuz it is aome cold shit! thanks bro' you rock! i may have to take you up on that!

    soapbox- yeah, this was kinda a surprise and i looked into insurance in novenmber but on unenjoyment there is no way i was gonnabe able to afford that stuff. things have a way of working out!

    AD- melenoma is a bitch! yup the venting is important! things will get better!

    MS-brand new year! right on! blog whine is not my style, i do vent and rant occasionally , but just complaining is not a good thing....however it is cathartic to release some of this...come back to us and let it go baby!

    lyndyluo- wow! and 20 years ago it was much more scary than today. it is getting old with how long i have been unable to do much of anything...and if i do too much, i pay for it..things will get better!

    Mynx-y- you rock my world girl! do not fret, it will be ok! you are a great person, and i have alot to say so i will be around for a while yet! the coherent thing must be due to the time difference peace or peachy whatever! love and hugs back at ya!

    skippy- yeah the petey, well, yeah...i will keep the posititve flowing! htnks for your kind words! everyday is a bit better.

    Becca- i am gonna keep on swimming!

    Free flying- welcome and thanks! Mynx is a gem! sorry the first post was kinda a downer, but it will get better!

    colenic-it will get better! i know it!

    katsidhe- three years is lot longer than three months...i hate hell! but it will get better!

    to all- thanks for your encouragemnt and kind words! i know things will get better, and i will keep you posted. your kind thoughts and words mean so much to me!

  25. I KNEW that something was going on with you, but I didn't want to pry. I figured if you wanted us to know, you'd tell us. I'm so glad that your prognosis is good! I'm not going to cry and make this about me (because you know I will!). Just know that I (and all of your blog friends, I'm sure) am here if you need to talk or bitch or cry or scream.

    Don't worry about us, we'll be just fine. You concentrate on feeling better and reclaiming your life from that bitch cancer!

    My love and positive thoughts and prayers are always with you.

    the well fed spirit

    a bitch called mom

  26. so sorry that things got so dumped on you recently. it does suck big time to be in that position. glad the surgery went well. that vicodin stuff is awesome. praying for swift recovery and a job in your near future.

  27. Sending warm hugs from cold ass Canada.

  28. Mrs Hyde- thanks for all your kind words... and tha tis why i love you! cuz you are tough on the outside but a real caring human on the inside! a great combination!

    Teresa- thanks for stopping by and the kind words... i know goodness is around the corner!

    AP-i feel em! thanks baby!


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