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Thursday, December 2, 2010

the most important invention (repost)

since i am trying to find work, and get a new business started, i have a few less hours to blog...thankfully i have a bunch of older posts that have some merit...this is a repost from nearly a year ago..when i had like 3 followers (one of which was me) 
to all of you longtime follwers, you can skip this post, but you will be sorry...

    Indoor plumbing has probably changed the way we live more than any other advancement of our modern world. Yeah, you can bring up HDTV, cell phones, and laptops. They are all cool gadgets. They are not necessities. They are nice to have, but not needed. Anyone that NEEDS these items, well, NEEDS to reconfigure the priorities of life. Yup, I have all these items. I would be willing to trade them all and some cash for a clean toilet when I am on the road and have a turtle-head poking at the cloth.
    There is no option in a vehicle called a Redi-Jon, or some similar item. Unless you are wearing a diaper like that crazy astronaut lady, you have to find a toilet. Outside of your vehicle. If I were in charge of designing cars, I would figure THAT option out. I would figure out the car seat Redi-Jon. I would make it so number two…
    When a toilet is functioning properly, it is an under appreciated thing of beauty. When it is not handling the business of its business; it is a disaster of biblical proportions. I have unclogged a few toilets in my day. I have removed a few toilets that have the spoils of the day still in them. Not because I wanted to, but if the plunger does not work, there is another reason that the throne is clogged. Unfortunately for me, to get to the point where it can be un-stuck, some times you have to pull the bugger up and that can be unpleasant.
     All that being said the other day, while I was in a public facility, I noticed a sign above the stool. It said, “DO NOT PUT ANYTHING BUT TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET.” I took this message to mean that you could still carry out vital life functions as the toilet is designed to handle, but not to put, oh I don’t know, anything like Snickers wrappers, used fan belts, socks, or PAPER TOWELS in the orifice of flushability.
     There is something wrong with a society that has to be told not to flush anything but TP and human excrement. OK, occasionally I have driven to the porcelain bus. I will give vomit its toilet pass as well. However, hurling out the window at highway speeds is also a thing that should be tried once in your life. Just for the sheer excitement of it. You will understand why dogs put their heads out the window after that classic drinking debacle.
     Toilets 101, people, would tell us that the size of the hole in the bottom of the toilet is the maximum size of objects that can be readily flushed. The typical home has three inch or four inch main waste lines. These lines are hard material. They are not expandable to accommodate objects larger than the diameter of the pipe.
     I understand the principle of the sewer. Excrement does indeed run down hill. When it comes back up hill there is a reason. The objects that clog a DWV (drain waste vent) pipe are usually NOT supposed to be in the line, or not in the amount that they are. It is like a dam on a river. It’s got to go somewhere. Who am I kidding; it is almost always something that should not be flushed. It is usually a snickers wrapper, a fan belt, paper towel or sometimes a tennis shoe.

Just another day in paradise


  1. Do u know how many moms would love to have a Redi Jon in their van??? I am surprised the car mfg.s haven't come up w/ an extended van that could carry that? kinda like a mini camper?

  2. I have actually hurled out a window of a moving car.

  3. Right up there with the "Road is wet when raining" type signs. Some people need directions for everything... even the toilet.

  4. I agree that the humble indoor toilet is unappreciated when it functions properly. Fortunately, my toilet repair and installation jobs have always been under ideal circumstances.

  5. @kbf-yeah..back in the mildly famous days, i had a porta potty in the was for emergencies only...

    @OT- somehow i can imagine that...dude we shoulda partied together...

    @wally J- yep. and welcome to the blog. gave you a shout out on the friday blog. some people are stupid...and need directions...

    @DrSnarky- ideally a toilet should never need repair...ideally you just buy a new house...


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