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Sunday, March 13, 2011

sunday snippets

1.Japanese disaster (thoughts and prayers)

pause...a moment of silence...

2.Olivia Wilde (will be available soon)
3.Tokyo Disneyland (closed for 10 days)
4.Liza Minnelli (died)
5.Zach Galifianakis (man-crushing on Bradley Cooper)
6.Melinda Gates (pissed about something, who fucking cares)
7.Daylight saving time (forward is bullshit)
8.Flu treatment (nyquil, coffee, and grey goose shots will cure anything)
9.Aftershocks (more prayers)
10.Airfare (is going up again, greedy oil barrons)

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A warm BIA (follow link to figure out what BIA means)welcome to Megan at  life-less-times...

Does anybody really know what time it is? The clock time change thingy has got me all befuddled so I will be re-posting a classic from the archives...written when we adjusted backward and gained an hour...oh that crazy timewarpage that is daylight stupid saving time.

losing an hour is complete bullshit...

spring forward?

bullshit i say!

total suckage!

withouth further ado!

the alarmclockfromhell!
NOTE: check the blogroll for some xcelent other blogs...and don't forget to stop by  Bruce's EvilTwin... i was slept in this morning so he may have a new post...

In our kitchen, we have 3 clocks in very close proximity. I like to call this area the BermudaTriangle...our BermudaTriangle consists of  a stove, a microwave and the AlarmClockFromHell.

None of these clocks EVER reports the same time.

Unless I go over and  adjust them. Which I just did. Well, to be honest I adjusted just the microwave to read the same as the stove. The AlarmClockFromHell, not so much.

It is always 1 hour or so off...

I understand that very few people really like alarm clocks. I do not like to have an annoying beep go off and takes me away from the world of slumber, nor do I like to be awoken by The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. Unless I am getting up to go fishing, then it does not matter what kind of noise it is, it is a good thing that I am going to go to do, so okay...  
The AlarmClockFromHell has a radio that goes off at odd 2 in the afternoon. It goes off, I jump outta my skin, and hastily run over and attempt to shut the damn thing up. And just so you know, moving without your skin, while it sits in a  pile under the desk, is very difficult.

Putting your skin back on even more so.

I know, you are prolly asking, "Bruce why don't you just unplug it?" I have tried that...remember it is the BermudaTriangle and all that. Strange, odd things happen there. Unplugging does not seem to work...battery back-up? nope...

MysterySpot  Bermuda-ish stuff, yes.

One time, after a random AlarmClockFromHell encounter, I put my skin back on wrong and had three nipples. I think the third nipple was actually my belly button, but it was not long before the AlarmClockFromHell went off again, and I had to re-apply my skin, this time taking the proper care to line the belly button up correctly..


I am pretty sure the third nipple was not my bung-hole...

Jus' sayin'

Who on earth would set an alarm clock for 2 in the afternoon when everyone has a day job or school? My wife swears she did not set it, my daughter says she didn' t do it.  The TuckMonster couldn't do it and I sure as hell did not touch the damn thing.

Demon possession or the earths magnetic field must have something to do with the discrepancy in these clocks. Eerily similar to the Bermuda Triangle...mebbe I disappear for an hour when I walk in this area and the only clock that does not change is....

the AlarmClockFromHell

AlarmClockFromHell is impossible to adjust. Unless you have an advanced degree in nuclear physics or you are some kind of math genius, the damn thing just likes to report what ever time it decides.  To make my life easier, and I am all for that,

I adjust the other clocks to AlarmClockFromHellTime. usually...

Since we just fell back, in this neck of the woods, the AlarmClockFromHell reads 1:51. Mr. Stove and Mr Micro both report that it is 2:49.  My laptop reports it is 2:52. As does my Cell phone. There is something very wrong with this picture.

If we fell back shouldn't the oven and micro read one hour before the AlarmClockFromHell?

I did not even remember to set the clocks back this year. Usually I use this day to get and extra hour of sleep and an extra hour of drinking. Now I have to wait a whole year before I can take advantage of this phenomenon. DAMMIT! and half way thru I LOOSE an hour and that is not good.

I will operate under the assumption that the AlarmClockFromHell is like three time changes wrong, and go with my gut. Both the computer and the cell phone say it is 2:52, and so that is what I will believe. Some crazy stuff happens in our BurmudaTriangle. Time stands still or moves crazily ahead.

Or so I would believe.

I did attempt to take a picture of the AlarmClockFromHell but it refuses to show up on the camera. Mebbe I went back in time to be fore I hit the shutter. Mebbe I was in a different dimension. IDK, But I do know I am staying as far a way from the AlarmClockFromHell as I can...

and the next time it goes off, will be the last time, as I introduce it to my little friend...

I am not sure even that will work...

oh and...

sorry if you get hit by a stray bullet from the crazy timewarpage...


  1. I had an alarm clock like that before. Unplugged-still went off. No batteries in it-still went off. I threw that fucker away!

  2. Somehow an entire province (Saskatchewan) in Canada has escaped the time change while other provinces have areas that do as well...I don't really get it.

    I had an alarm clock that crowed like a rooster when I was went off at stupid times too.

  3. I think all alarm clocks are from hell.

  4. This is so funny... but I hate any clock, the analog one ticks and if I had a moustach like hook it would twitch like that. And then the damn alarm clock in the morning, I am usually awake before it goes off but I don't want it to.... grrr... Our clocks haven't gone forward yet but it will mean losing one hour of my life. I've never understood why we don't lose an hour in winter instead of gaining an hour to drag those miserable days on.

  5. Oh wow. Well try replacing it. It the new one does the same thing then it might just be something about Michigan.

  6. jewels- i have tried that trashing keeps coming back...creepy like pet semetary...

    ap- very odd...and lucky!

    bubbles- i hate all alarm clocks too! except one! i have the best one ever called tucker, who gets up at 6 am every day! and he is ready to play!~

    Oily- i think it is a this house thing!

  7. i hate time change just when i get use to one time it changes

  8. We've (uk) got the clocks going forward next I suppose it means that for this week only we're a little closer lol

  9. I really hate the spring forward thing. I am not a freaking morning person so that whole getting up an hour early thing is a major bitch for me. Monday's are hard enough, but tomorrow will be more so.

  10. Did Liza Minelli really die? I can never tell if half that list is true or not. heehee

    And you mentioned boobies on my blog today. I feel touched! [then again - I am "touched" giggle. Ask Pooldad]

    And yay for more daylight! And for computers, cellphones and cable boxes that reset themselves. Woot!

  11. never a good thing to put your skin back on wrong. :P

  12. That's freaky, Bruce. I would use your cell as an alarm clock and throw that clock in the same hole the mafia uses to hide the bodies, you know what I'm sayin'?

    hed hed above water

  13. Yeah the old alarm clock that i had was weird and didn't want to work. but that clock was older than i was so with the new one and my phone i have no problem getting up in the morning.

  14. we haven't had that joy yet in the UK. I hate alarm clocks! I think yours is definitely EVIL!!!

  15. The Alarm Clock From Hell is like the Amityville Toaster! O_O I think you need to move it from teh kitchen because there is obviously some sort of demonic kitchen appliance cult that we don't know about.

  16. sorry. i have a tendency to sneak into random people's houses and set their alarm clocks to go off at weird times. if i would have known you'd be my blogger buddy someday, i would have spared you. i'm sorry, but there's no solution besides launching it into outer space.

  17. becca-seriously-ly sucks!

    G- is it 5 hours you are ahead from eastern time? so we are only like 4 hours apart? or is it normally a 9 hour thing...i know like mynx is 3 days or so ahead of us...

    krissy- ikr? mundasy suck enough without adding to them..

    skippy- no liza is still alive...::i think::...htose list are usually 60% true...usually...

    mynx-y yeah and is seriously affects my sexy factor...but purple hair now that is sexy even if the skin is a little misplaced!

    hed-i now use my cell and it has like a bazillion differnt alarms set...

    AD- phones are good for that !

    lyndylou- you and me both...alarm clocks are all evil!

    kat - i never even considered that...who wrote about that toaster? was it you? i know i have heard about the amityville toaster...i just cnt remember sucks getting this sexy! (right mynx?)

    lovkyne- i knew there was a semi logical reason...

  18. I don't use an alarm except once a year. Today was the damn day. Of course I woke up at 2 am and whispered "fuck" then I had to start thinking wait it used to be only one o' clock right now. Then I stay awake until 4:30 fall asleep and the alarm goes off at 4:45.
    I say leave the time thing right here. Fall back screws up my hunting!

  19. Great post!

    I thought it was next week (re Europe time) since I do business with folks over there - so it really threw me for a loop.

    In fact, I needed a bloody nap today - who naps over a one hour time difference? I can do the 9-10 hour time change with no problem when flying, but one bloody hour and I'm a train wreck!

    Go figure!

  20. Bushman- i hate the time change and it really screws with does not make my hunting thing too bad, cuz i only leave deercamp to get more beer...i do not hunt anymore, for the safty of my friends...

    Jenny- it is so f*d but we have to do what they say...bastards!



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