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Monday, November 22, 2010

you said what in church???

TRENDING NOOOO!!!TRENDING NOW!!!!
1. The Next Iron Chef (qui-san!!!) 2. Royal wedding day (who cares?) 3. San Diego Chargers (suck)
4. Indianapolis Colts (suck too) 5. Philadelphia (freedom) 6. TSA (please remove your pants and shirt)
7. Harry Potter and (wtf? still on the hp love fest..enough already!!)
8. Oprah's favorite food (all of it...isn't it time for a diet honey?)
9. Ralph Fiennes (i always get him confused with the other guy, you know that kinda looks like him..)
10. Ryan Reynolds (is the green lantern)

     bloglove comes first...
     i would like to welcome a couple new followers to this little slice of dreamality....Krissy at Talkative Taurus and Sarah at Sandpit Diaries ...thanks and all that...    
     the blogger known as Fickle Cattle posted a genius blog this weekend and i agree this is an art form and hence... i will continue to try to keep the form of this art living and growing. i am thinking of making the blog a daily feature type of thing what with thematic photography on Thursday and TuckMonster Tuesday. but well see what the future holds... my commitment is to entertain...even if it is at my expense...  
    and speaking of the future, anytime i think of the future i always think of my past...and that is where all the trouble started. i have no  trouble in the future. at least none that i know of so it is all good...Jus' Sayin'
    but in the past...well, we all have a past. and we all have some things that we mebbe could have thought thru a little more...or done a little better...but being who i am and the way i process life, that does not really come into play. the seat of my pants are worn out from all the flying they have done.
     way back in the past, when i first started playing guitar, i was asked by my sister to play a song for her impending doom wedding. i ,of course, was jazzed to do this. it would be my first gig. stardom was just around the corner. big record deals would be flying in just like a "Rhinestone Cowboy"...
     this meant practice. practice practice...til you fingers bleed...and practicing with bloody fingers, is not as much fun as standing in front of a mirror, practicing your acceptance speech for whatever stupid award i would have gotten for playing a my sister's wedding. no sir...no way...
     the song they chose was the song "Time in a Bottle, by Jim Croce"... it is really not that difficult.or so i thought. i did NOT have to sing...and thankfully so..  too bad they did not ask for "Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd"  i could play and sing that one...i think the "tell heaven from hell" line was not acceptable for a church, or the particular event, but man that song is sooo f-ing cool...
     so yeah i did practice. and i had it down. as down as any FlyByTheSeater would. yup i was ready. my first gig was going to be in a church. with an acoustic guitar and a mic to amplify it...no electric guitar for this song...i wasn't playin' Smoke on the Water!!!   but i was playin' in front of all the people that continually asked screamed at me to...

"turn that shit damn thing down!!!"

     the big day came. the amp was set up, the mics were set up and i wandered up to the pulpit. i played. and flawlessly i might add, until the end. when i f-ed up the little riff at the fade. but not only did i butcher it once, i attempted to do it a second time...my mind screamed "abort...abort..." my fingers would not listen...they had all this time and blood invested and were going to get it...so for good measure...a third..all attempts were bad...horrific...and just plain hard to listen to...
    my best two friends, who are brothers, were about two rows from the front. they were laughing. and could barely contain themselves....i was not getting the ending right...and they found it Hi.lar.i.ous...
     and then i leaned down bowing my head and  i said....
     "goddammit..." 
right into the microphone... 
and paused and followed it with 
     "shit"
then my bro's lost it...
full blown laughter. 
     my sis maintains, to this day, she did not hear the cussing...mebbe she was being nice...mebbe they could not hear the mic'd swearing form the side of the pulpit...who knows...i heard it and everyone else heard it...she had to hear my bro's laughter...
   i am prolly paying for that little misstep. i have prolly cursed my lineage for.ev.er. oh well, shit happens..
my sister's marriage ended in divorce. i am not taking any blame for that...

well, at least i did not drop an f-bomb...


11 comments:

  1. Well it could have been worse.. u could of said something about the minister having an affair or one of the church members having an affair, or the minister laundering the tithings...or taking money from the plate... jus sayin'...lol

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  2. KBF- you mean that plate of money wasn't a tip jar...goddammit...shit...

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  3. i think it was for the frickin' government.....:-(

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  4. That is exactly why I refused to take piano lessons once I got old enough for my mom to listen to my hissy fits. I hated the recitals. I was so bad at performing in public.

    At least you tried (and tried and tried...).

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  5. KBF- damn those prostiticians anyway...

    KH- yeah not my finest hour, but i got over it...i hope god did...

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  6. I can relate! I'm usually the one that sticks my foot in it that way, so I'm laughing with you ... not at you really ;)

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  7. MS- thankgod it was so long ago...but there is always time to make another mistake...

    the first time i played in a bar this escapade flashed briefly in my minds eye and my nerves were fried, but after the first couple songs i got into the zone and all was well...

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  8. It takes b*lls to get up and perform an artistic piece in front of people. You must have faith in yourself and those in your audience. Be prepared, do the piece justice, enjoy yourself. If you're enjoying it-others will enjoy it; mistakes and all.
    Have been performing for years!
    It is always prudent to be a bit nervous.
    Keeps you sharp.

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  9. BWwahahahahaha, oh Brucie, that's awesome. I commend your perseverance (sp?) and think that is actually pretty funny.

    It shows your dedication!

    Thank the gawds we are not doing the church-y thing. So, essentially, all guests may cuss at free will, microphone and all!

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  10. we actually got married in a diner, on tv the second mrs and i...

    i will cuss for you guys on the big day...

    i may even get drunk...

    *yeah, that's a stretch*

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