all the cool kids!

you are getting very sleepy...when i snap my fingers you will follow this blog! leave tasty comments! and check out my OTHER blogs! Bruce's Evil Twin stupid stuff I see and hear The Dreamodeling Guy dreamodeling! The Guy Book The Guy Book


the blogdog blog

Sunday, April 1, 2012

a is for...

a is for a puppy.
i am tUcKeR. i am a puppy!

this is me a couple months ago!
i am 2 years old so's i am not
REALLY
a puppy but, as daddy says, labs have a long puppy-hood!

i bet you thought i would say ass,
cuz puppy's like to sniff ass.
i am a-funny puppy!

funny! funny! funny!

daddy said i should be nice until everyone gets to know me.

he is taking a nap on my favorite spot on the couch, so i am posting without his a-thority...

a is also for a-pril. 
i came to rescue daddy in a-pril...
2 years a-go
this is me! when i first came to rescue daddy!



Just A-nother Day In a-to-z challenge
Just A-nother Day In Paradise
Just A-nother Dog In Puppydise

Thursday, March 15, 2012

flip out

it is flip flop weather!

the kind with the toe thong, please!

jus' sayin'

it may be the end of days with the crazy summerlikemarch bullshit going on...

but what a way to go!

yeah.

i grilled out twice yesterday...

got the tiki torches out.

and tUcKeR?

well....

lets just say the guy parts may be gone, but he definitely is feelin' the itch of spring!

he was going on and on and on about mrs. bunny and mr. squirel.

and his girl friend emma...

they grow up so fast...
you buy em books and all they do is chew on the covers!

so get on your flip-itty-flops and join me for a little IMM2BBQ!

Just Another Day In Paradise
Just Another Dog In Puppydise

Sunday, February 12, 2012

challenging the....

societal norm....

and commencing Dogmanation of the world, 2012!

with....
the a-to-z challenge...

yep! tUcKeR, the world dogmanator and
Bruce's Evil Twin are going to blog your socks off in the
a-to-z challenge

starts April 1...

Just Another Day In Paradise
Just Another Dog In Puppydise

Friday, February 10, 2012

got milk?

Yeah...

It IS over-played.
Over-used!
Over-sexed...
Well, mebbe not over-sexed, but...
kinda like this nonsense...
we like to call it...
TRENDING NOOOOOO!!!!!TRENDING NOOOOOO!!!!
1.      Purple squirrel (purple squirple is tUcKeR’s favorite toy!)
2.      iPad 3 releases (Human Growth Hormones you heard it here first!)
3.      Giant African Ants (seize power in South Africa!)
4.      Taco Bell (Breakfast of champions!)
5.      Weight-loss (diets are for losers!)
6.      Suge Knight (I have no idea who/what this is and do not care!)
7.      Ochocinco (names his baby ochouno)
8.      Bradying (is like tebowing, but much cooler)
9.      Mortgage relief (like sand thru the hour glass…)
10.   Girl fights (are completely f'ing cool!)


edtitors er, uh, i mean editors note: There may be some uncomfortable adult themed bullshit bandied about in this post...I may offend your prim sensibilities...

you can just watch this and leave...and avoid being offended...
tUcKeR love this movie, BTW...
we watched this trailer about 20 times while discussing this post...
he is napping now...


but if you are wearing your big boy and big girl panties and can deal with reality....

It is a scientific fact that milk is a glandular secretion produced by mammals.
Mammals with boobies!
TITTIES!
Mama mammals!
Jiggily bits!
With boobies!
sweater puppies!
It is a function of lactating...
For breast feeding...
Mother's milk!

Lactating is not to be confused with latex...They are kinda spelled real close and shit, but seriously do not confuse the two. I know...Both can prevent unwanted pregnancies. Latex condoms are very popular. They can protect you from your babybattter meeting with your best girls eggs as well as helping prevent the spread of STD's...


I know, right? It's like a public service announcement...
carry on!

Lactation is a product of boobies. Boobies are sometimes fucked..Titty fucking can prevent babies...
it can!
latex is also a component of paint.
it is!
And painted boobies?
oh yeah!
Yummery eye candy!

Pssst...over here...yeah you... with the nice rack....listen up!
Breast feeding in public is a way to get attention. If your sniveling little demonspawn cannot wait to suckle on your titties for the few minutes it takes for you to go find a private place to whip out your mams, then:

1. stop bitching when I stare at you!
2. stop complaining that guys only look at your boobs not your eyes.
3. i like boobies.
4. you whip them out in public WE (me and my eyes) ARE going to stare at you!
5.fucking deal with it!

Notice I did not say Moobies...or man-boobs, for those of you still not caught up with the world of tomorrow, where we co-mingle words to make new words and...

aw fuck it!

Although I did hear somewhere that men could lactate...
uuuughhhhg...yecky!

moving on...

WTF is Rice MILK?

Last I checked, rice is NOT a mammal.

It is a plant.

Rice milk, is NOT milk.

Jus' Sayin'

I am really not sure what it is, but it is not milk.

I could be persuaded to call it rice juice...
Add some vodka...

Cuz...
When you make a liquid from a plant, we call it juice...
and add tequila...

Plants, do not have boobies.
I have never seen one plant motor-boating another one...

If plants did hooters, there would be a lot more plant fuckers out there...

And you know what?

I am sure there are MORE than a FEW plant fuckers out there...sick bastardyfucks...

hey, no means no, even if it is implied by virtue of the inability to talk...plants are our friends, but not our Friends With Benefits... 


okay?

I am afraid to Google or Bing it...kinda like 2 girls 1 cup...sicko shit...

However...The picture of Emily Malkin and Cindy Crysby holding the cup titled 2 girls 1 cup...


that shit is funny...

Can you even Bing it? p-l-a-n-t-f-u...you get the point...Is that even possible? Are there people out there Bing-ing shit and I don't even know it?

whatever...

And skim milk?

WTF?

Why not buy regular, real, thick and yummy, whole milk, and add water yourself? Thank god one tit is not like skim and the other whole milk, they both produce the real goods!

or mebbe they don't, one IS regular and one is skim...and that is why the world is so fucked up...

Could be...
I kinda doubt it.

(if that theory  is true, i bet Kim Jong Il (RIP) and other despots were raised on the skim-tit...)

Anywhat...skim milk?
The recipe is easy... Mix the shit half whole milk and half water and you have shitty, watered down, crappy-asssed, skim milk.

And you know what else?

You follow my recipe and you still have a half gallon of the yummery-ness that is real!fuckin'A honest to goodness milk! That is like getting a  half gallon of the good shit!
free!
you know FREE!

West Michigan's OTHER favorite four letter word...

You can thank me later..

And cottage cheese?
Good stuff Maynard!


and you know this kid was sucking some boobage not long before this commercial was made...(1983, for those of you keeping score at home!)

However...Low fat cottage cheese is shit!
It is the skim milk of the cottage cheese clan...

I imagine packing popcorn dipped in skim milk would taste better!
I guess you could thicken it up with a bit of latex paint...
It would prolly marginally improve the taste...

Everything I like is bad for me?
fuck that...
life is about choices...
and moderation.

That is why there are only two boobies on humans.
moderation.
I like boobies...

and we only have 2 eyes...one for each mellon...

And here is something else to consider.

Latex paint can cost over $10 a gallon...

Good paint, can cost more than $40/gallon...

Fucking glad we don't run our cars on that shit...

Just Another Day In Paradise
Just Another Dog In Puppydise

Sunday, January 22, 2012

stupidiocracy...

the other day, on January 10th, as a matter of fact, I had an anniversary of sorts.

one year smoke and cancer free...

i know, not really like a big deal, people survive cancer all the time.

and people quit smoking everyday.

some by choice, some by death.

i have been back to work (sorta) for 3 months as of that day as well.

my plan to work has been changed. i started  a business to sell and manage construction jobs, but again find myself on job-sites more than i want to be, doing more than i prolly should, but i am making money.

my life has changed.

i am unable to do what i did before, like i did before. i cannot work  physically like i used to.

age has changed me.

illness has changed me.

BUT...
i still know how to balance a check book!

i have very little energy after the day is done.
but i still go and do what i can.
until i cannot do it anymore.
and pay the cost with a heating pad and self medication...

what else is there to do?
sit home and die?

and now i will may need to address my self-medication drinking habits.

kill.me.now.

i would rather have a  bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy, right?

fucking right!

so all that being said, on that day, i was on my way to a job site.

i see a school bus up ahead.

stopping at a driveway.

for.one.kid.

ok you say, it is rural america. that is the way it is.

i took a picture with my mind's-eye-mental-imaging-device...


see below:














and no i did not hit the school bus!
mebbe a little piece of me wanted to.

what you ask is wrong with that picture?
aside from my amateurish rendition?

someone drove their kid 100 yards to the bus stop.
let that settle in a bit...

100 yards...300 feet...

i walked a half mile or so, un-stupor-vised...it took us about 20 minutes.
(i googled it and by car it was 7 tenths of a mile, or 9 minutes drive time but we had short cuts...)
up hill both ways!
in the blinding snow!
Michigan summers are cold too!
year round!
cuz we used to roll like that!

and we had never lost a war back then!
('Nam was still going, but not yet considered a war, simply  a police action... and we all know there are no winners and losers in a police action...just like in AYSO)

mommy kept the car running...
so junior(ette)
would not get cold/lost/abducted/dead...

at the end of their fucking driveway.
more settling...
or unsettling...

and then drove back to their house.
100 yards away.
300 feet...
fuck-me-freddy...

the uberpussification of america starts at home.
the United States of America?
more like...

Ubberpussied Stupidiocracy of Asinine.

i would rather fight off zombies, biblical plagues, and douchecanoe terrorists, than deal with the next generation of kids that cannot handle walking 100 yards in Michigan winter.

to a bus stop...
at the end of the driveway.
of their own home...
three-fucking-hundred feet away...
visible from the picture window of your rural McMansion...

why not just drive your demonspawn to the school?
you would have used less fossil fuel.
and emitted less greenhouse gasses.


it is Michigan.
you live here.
it is cold and snowy
9 months a year
get the fuck used to it!

BTW, this year has been exceptionally mild.
temps in the 40's F
in January!

so anywhat...

if you are that stupidiotic...that  that you cannot dress your kids appropriately for the weather and trust that they can wander down the 100 yard driveway by themselves without:

a. getting hit by a car. (the thing that TAKES YOU EVERYFUCKIN'WHERE)
b. getting hit by the bus. (it's that big yellow thing that you ride on to get free day care an education) 
c. getting lost and/or freezing to death in 4 minutes. (better pack junior a lunch.)
d. getting nabbed by a rampant sexual predator biker gang. (cuz it happens ALL the time!)
e. all of the above. (we can only hope)

then...your contribution to the gene-pool is not needed.
what the fuck are we not teaching these kids?

these same kinda kids...
cross the street, not in the cross walk, without a care, in front you as you drive.
they then feel like you need to stop, cuz they have the right of way.
and then flip you off for nearly hitting them...
and have no idea that there are cross walks for a reason
except that they are for OTHER people
and do not know how to balance a check book, but have 12 years of math.

stupid as well as pampered...
unprepared.
idiotic.
entitled.
ridonkulous...

the Ubberpussied Stupidiocracy of Asinine.
next thing you know, they will be cancelling school for a wind advisory...
not a hurricane, or tornado...
just strong winds.

cuz little johnny's ball cap, that he wears cocked sorta sideways or sorta backwards may blow off and he will get brain damaged by flying squirrel shit.

jus sayin.


opinionflash...
he is already there...

yeah, there are prolly a hundred good reasons for someone to be that overprotective.
i cannot think of one.

mebbe it is just me.
you know, hard-assed, lard-assed, uncaring bastage, that i am.

not every kid is a winner.
they all do not deserve a medal.
the world is made up of winners and losers.
some people ARE losers.
some kids will not excel at anything, save for mouth-breathing incompetency.

i am thankful that i will not be alive long enough to watch as the Ubberpussied Stupidiocracy of Asinine completes the transformation and we get our asses handed to us by the rest of the world that has prepared its offspring for a modicum of adversity.

and checkbook balancing.

see ya soon!

it is, afterall,
Just Another Day In Paradise
and i am
Just Another Dog In Puppydise