Five minutes to change your life…

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    I was driving to my mom’s house today to check out what was wrong with her toilet. The description she gives me leads me to believe that there is an obstruction in the beast. As most of you know (and if you did not know, you will know now) the waste line that leaves the toilet from the flange down is larger than the trap part of the toilet. Why is it that engineering disasters has never addressed this fact? The bowl is big, much bigger than the trap and the trap is usually a 2 inch diameter pipe in the porcelain and then the DWV line is usually 3 or 4 inches. Seems like a pretty easy catch...from big to small to big again...a recipe for disaster...

     Altogether now, can we all say BOTTLENECK??? There are bottlenecks everywhere. And the most common place for bottlenecks, other than the toilet or any plumbing setting, is on the road. The CollisiveForce Principle plainly states Two road riding/raging objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. As the traffic lanes decrease the amount of chance to experience the CollisiveForce Principle goes up exponentially.

     As I am driving with my buddy the TuckMonster, I see a car coming up on my right…at a high rate of closure…The TuckMonster leans over and says to me, “Comin’ in hot!” maybe he did not really say that, but he did look over at me and stick his tongue out and go “Huh, Huh, Huh, Huh, Huh, Huh.” This proves yet again that it is not what you say but what they hear that is truly important. Then he licked my face…

     We are in the lane that goes straight and the lane to the right is for right-turns only. There is a sign ahead that says very loudly in caution yellow that the road narrows and the lane ends. I am in the slow moving line and accelerating as I see the red tail lights flash in sequence. Why did the light flash? BOTTLENECK!!!

     The car whips by me and the ten cars ahead of me, anticipating the green, guns it and whips in front of the line of cars that are already in motion in the lane to go straight. I instinctively whip my arm out in a protective fashion in preparation of major impact in an effort to protect the TuckMonster. Pretty much a dumb thing because he is heavy enough to cause the air-bag to go off and would prolly be okay in a five mile per hour collision…

     I can only hope the JackassDriver that committed that ridstupidous move had a life or death situation, to put other’s lives in jeopardy. Actually, I hope for nothing bad to come to anyone, I hope the LessThan five minutes that they saved, was used to some life-changing end…we all know it was not. We all know it was just someone that thought they were more important than the next guy… Jus' sayin'...

     I get to my mother’s house and the she maintains that the toilet does not flush or some such nonsense. I flush it and plop the plunger a couple times. There is not a thing wrong with it…As I am leaving I say, “If you want to have over for a cup o’ Joe, Ma, just ask me to come for coffee…” she smiles and I give her a hug…and the TuckMonster I do get to spend five minutes with my mom. Five minute that change my life…

      Five minutes I will never regret, because she will be gone from life far too early for my liking…five minutes that can change my life…what if I did not go to see her and something happened? It is kinda negative thinking. But with the events of the past week it is a realism that I must accept. We all die. And not when it is convenient or when we have had a proper time to say goodbye to our loved ones. Take those five minutes, with your loved ones, at any chance you can.

     It turns out there was less wrong with her toilet than the time I drove over to check out the lack of hot water in her house…My nephew was staying with her and he takes a shower and the water is not hot. I ask her if anyone took a shower before he took one. She replies that no one took a shower.

     I get there and turn on the hot water and it is hot…I mean HOT! Not just luke-warm, not kinda hot, but burn-your-fingers-and toes hot! Did you run the dishwasher or have the washing machine going? Turns out she had done a load of laundry. Just before the shower… TADA!!! “The hot water heater is not on demand, mom. It takes time to re-heat when someone takes a shower.” I give her a hug and sit down for a cup o’ Joe…

     Five minutes worth of skillful questioning would have changed my life. Sometimes the change is not as positive. Again I got to see my mom, to fix something that was not broken. I could look at the negative, of driving to fix nothing, but I look at the positive of seeing my mom…

     We are all in a ridstupidous hurry at some time or other. We all have some near misses. We all have times that we come very close to experiencing BOTTLENECKS that can cause CollisiveForce Principle. It is okay to speed past that slowass driver. So next time you are running late, and are figuring that it is okay to run that yellow light. Remember someone else may be in the same situation. And if there five minutes and you five minute collide it will change your life… It takes five minutes. To change your life. you will not regret it...Seriously.

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