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Thursday, December 10, 2009

is it summer yet?

Is it summer yet? I do not like winter. There are only two things to do in Michigan during the 9 months or so that winter is upon us. Go outdoors and risk your life or stay inside and hibernate. Maybe that is a bit extreme, but since I do not like the cold and the snow, I find that the inside option has greater up side. So does living. There is lots of hockey to watch. But even hockey is indoors.

Some people like to decorate the outside with colorful lights and such just before it snows. Some cultures call them Christmas lights. I call them mother$%&!#&^ lights. I usually throw the penguins on the roof, toss a couple, er I mean several, empty booze and beer bottles around them and light them up with a few halogen work lights. They are my winter decor. Nine months later they slide down the roof during the glacial thaw, and I tuck them away for next year. The beer and booze bottles as well. Sometimes I refill the vodka bottles with water to see if my wife can tell the difference…not really.

Yeah, we can piss and moan about the adverse conditions. We can joke about how bad it is. And yet there is hockey. Ice hockey. Not just any hockey. Redwing’s hockey! That is a topic for another day. This is not about that. Unfortunately my brain froze, so I forgot what I was doing. Is it summer yet?

I walked out side to burn one and realized that the truth about smoking is the harmful side effects of being outside. It is cold. The snow is blowing. The air cold and it hurts my lungs. Some may say my lungs hurt from the smoke. No, smoke is warm. It is a by-product of fire. It is definitely the cold air.

I am not fond of snow. I am not fond of driving in snow. I do not like the chore of snow shoveling, or using a snow blower. A couple of years ago I tried to melt the snow in the driveway with a brush torch. Didn’t work, but I was warm, and toasty. That is until I turned off the torch.

I shoveled the driveway the other day. It totally sucked. It was wet and sloppy. It was before work. It was work. I was tired by the time I got to the job. Then once inside the customers house….sauna…Man, the house was hot...I think they had the heat turned up to 90 F…better than working in the snow, but it was hot…did I mention how hot it was?

It is not that the snow is pretty. It is not. It is not that I want a white Christmas. I do not. Santa Drives a Ford Ranger, the reindeer are under the hood and he does not need the snow on the roof to come down the chimney, he walks thru the front door.

When I was in Key West one winter the lights on the palm trees looked as good as the ones on the snow-covered trees up north. It was warm. Maybe they looked better. I know the drunken penguins don’t look as good on a snow-less roof, but who really cares. Is it summer yet?

Just another day in paradise


  1. Hey, man, there is always Winter Camp to look forward to!

  2. I reckon the best time to talk redwings hockey would be sometime around the 1st or 2nd April 2011
    Perhaps a fabulous guest post or blog swap? hehe


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