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Sunday, December 6, 2009

the hockey ball incident

I play hockey. Well, not really, it is more like Hockeyball. We don’t skate. We wear shoes. We play on a driveway. We started to play this modified version of hockey during the Wings playoff run in 08. We only had sticks and a whiffle ball. The net was approximately a 3’x 4’ box with the bed board, from the van I used to live in back in the day, used as a net. The boards are 2x 10’s left over from a remodel project many years ago. I finally found a good use for some of that crap I have moved countless times, from one house to another.

The kids play and occasionally the wives as well. It is a rough game even though there is no checking and no lifting of the sticks. It nearly always draws some minor blood letting. Nothing in the caliber befitting of a tourniquet around the neck to stop the bleeding, mind you, but blood has spilled. We have rules, but not too many. It is a good way to spend a Michigan summer afternoon.

When we moved to a smaller house, we lost the rink space that the old house had and had to come up with a new place to play. We decided to use my buddy Rich’s driveway.

It is oddly shaped and irregularly surfaced drive. The ball bounces funny on the cracks in the drive and if you’re not careful it will eat your sticks. We hinged together the 2x 10 boards to from an odd shaped rink. It suffices for our needs.

I built some “pipes” out of 2x4 ripped to 2x2 and realized after I completed a regulation size goal that it would be rare for the goalie to make a stop. I reduced the size to 5’ x 4’. It works okay. Our save percentage is poor, but we are not getting paid, so I guess it all evens out in the end.

It started with just a group of four or five people. As more people started join in, the need for protection equipment for the goalie became a necessity. A goalie mask and a soft ball glove do nothing to protect your junk, as I found out by making a stop with my privates. Even though we do not allow slap shots a well placed wrister from 10’ feet hurts. I left the rink for about 10 minutes after I stopped howling like a banshee from the excruciating pain. I got back in net vowing to get a cup, before the next game. No blood, no foul

I still did not have a cup and. a couple weeks went by. No worries. Then I started peeing blood. It freaks you out a little when urine is not clear or normal, but chunky and reddish brown. I went to see my urologist; I got a bunch of tests done. I stopped peeing blood. No blood, no foul. Then I got the bills. It cost me about $1700.00 after my insurance paid their portion. A cup costs around $15.00 I bought a cup.
Just another day in paradise.

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