Of mice and men

Men are planners. Women are planners too, but the title is of mice and men.

     I am a planner. I plan out everything. Planners and dreamers are one and the same. I have lots and lots of plans and a multitude of dreams. Everyday I add a few more to the long list of plans and dreams. It is said that the best laid plans of mice and men sometimes go awry. Damn those mice anyway. I am not much of a completer. That is a lot more work

    I do accomplish completion of some plans. Mostly at work. For some strange, odd reason the act of a monetary reward seems to help in that regard. But not always. Everyone has a bad day now and again. God planned it that way to keep us guessing. Kinda like his sense of humor making men and women so different, and yet so interdependent to propagate the human race...

People do not plan to fail, they fail to plan…

ACTUALLY

They fail to complete…

and this is not always such a bad thing

    I plan to do a little self-promoting!!! I have a readership that is world wide. I can now track what countries I have people reading my blog. Thanks to all! I cannot track you down or anything like that, because I am techtarded, but even if I could that seems kinda stalkerish…yucky! Better grab a seat on the bandwagon now, before mildly famous becomes super-duper-stupendously famous!

Mice on the other hand plan to survive.

     I plan to write a check to Safe Haven Humane Society. As soon as I get my royalty check from the Google People. We are getting closer, but some of you are not helping out. It only takes a couple of minutes and it is for a Great cause! (Tucker thanks you! ) we are limping along at around 50 cents per day average. Puppies and kitties are dying, people…PLEASE click an ad or even two… you have to go from the link on my page to one of the sites that Google supplies, for me to get ad revenue. Not helping is f-ing with my completion chee…(don’t bother correcting the spelling…I do not care how it (chee) is REALLY SPELLED. If I did I would do a little InterWebResearch…) those of you that are participating THANKS!

    I plan to make a drink... “Houston, we have a problem.” There is no booze. There is beer in then MC fridge. I do not want a beer. I planned to have a Canadian Mist and cola. Oh wait, there is still enough for a couple…and bonus! There is a cola! Success! Scratch that Houston…there is nothing to see here. These are not the droids you’re looking for….

    When I was just a wee lad, I built my first model. Well, kind of. I started it. I had big plans. I painted all (read: most) the pieces the appropriate colors. Or what I deemed appropriate. If it called for a color I did not like I audibled (For some reason Norman does not seem to think this word is real. I added it to the dictionary…screw you Norman…) at the line of scrimmage and changed it to a color more palatable to my tastes.

     All the parts were painted some were put together. The instructions were more like a suggestion as far as I was concerned. However, not following the manufacturer’s plan makes it hard to actually complete the model. BTW, Any idiot that actually got high by sniffing model glue probably did not complete the model. I personally find the smell appalling. I lost interest in the completion, and the model. There were new worlds to explore. More plans to make! The card table and the model were starting to bore me. Onward and forward!

                      I have never seen a mouse build even half as much of a model as I did…

     My father had a small (mouse-sized) cow when I had the model parts sitting on the card table for weeks on end, un-completed. “Goddammit, Bruce! Or Jesuschreeist, Bruce, finish that model!” I am not sure which one he uttered, but let’s just say, I grew up thinking Bruce was my middle name and my father could not decide whether my given name was Goddammit or jesuschreeist…

     I was in a preschool class and the project was to color in a frog. I used green as is appropriate for a frog. I scribbled the green all over the frog. I was supposed to color within the lines. Lines-shmines…finish the task and kick back. For those of you that do not remember, coloring in the lines is time consuming and boring work. Scribbling is much easier, and really a lot more fun…

     It was a coordination exercise, I guess, to see if I was ready for kindergarten. The look of consternation from the teacher was priceless. She called me by my middle name, Bruce, and said, “You were supposed to color inside the lines, did you not hear the instructions?” I replied, “I am just gonna cut it out anyway. Then it will all be in the lines.” I never got to cut it out. I never got to complete it. I blame her. Jus’ sayin….

    A while later the assignment was to color in the traffic light. Red, Yellow, and Green. Just like the lights we all see everyday. I colored it in with red on the bottom. Again the concerned and condescending teacher using my middle name asked me if I had understood the instructions. I replied, “Yes. It will be right if you flip it around.” I flipped it around and completed the task. I showed her!

     And WhyTF, does a kindergartner need to know what a traffic signal looks like. In the suburbs? Seriously? So we can tell our parents when to stop. C’mon people there were no distracted drivers’ way back then…No one had a cell phone and the word Texting was not even invented yet. Now knowing which Dinosaurs ate meat, probably a good thing all those years ago…

                           Mice do not color nor do they understand the traffic signal thing at all…

    Precocious? Maybe. I believe they told my mother that I had a problem with authority. And following directions. SERIOUSLY? I prefer to say that I had, even then, a great sense of humor and a bit of a twist on the normalcy of the daily grind. IDK...Maybe I am a bit anti-social. Maybe I am a bit psychotic. It was just coloring. I wish I could have such small problems in adulthoodness.

     I plan to quit smoking. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe when they cart my broken and depleted body off into the inferno of the blast furnace. Actually, I will still be smoking. At least for a little while until the ashes cool.

                                       I think the original Steamboat Willey was a smoker…

     I plan to write a blog. I am doing that now. There’s one more (nearly) completed task. Hence, I plan to have a drink. And yet another completed task. I am on a roll, baby!

     I planned to surprise my wife with a birthday dinner. I got home and attacked the BigAssGrill (BAG). I planned to fix it. I planned to cuss. A lot. Mission accomplished on those fronts. I planned to start up Mancave Thursday tomorrow. My wife was not pleased. “It will not be here,” I informed her, but still she looked a bit pissed. “It is MCT time of year…” I said…

     I continued cooking the birthday dinner. Oblivious to her dismay. I was after all making her a special dinner. I did fix the BAG. I was completing the plan. I did surprise my wife. Why? Because her birthday is not until tomorrow. F-ing Labor Day! Messing with my Days-O-the Week chee…and I thought I was being clever…I am torn on the completion quotient on this task…

     I plan to get in shape. Yeah, Riiight! Nuff said!

    I plan to go to the doctor. I have the appointment scheduled. We cannot count this a completion until I actually go and get the dirty work done. Appt scheduled, good plan!

     I plan to watch the LIONS season opener. As usual the party starts at ten am, on Sunday. Breakfast beer will ensure I can be fully loaded when the LIONS crush my hopes and dreams. I am a happy drunk. The LIONS cannot take that away from me now. It was not always that way. I used to take them seriously. Maybe it was the model glue…

     I plan to win the lotto. And get struck by lightening twice!

    I plan to finish this drink. Maybe I will have another. The drink is gone! I am Just like GWB…Accomplishing missions all over Hell’s Half Acre!!!

                  Mice accomplish many things everyday to survive. If they do not they die…

     Today, as I was driving, I planned to get where Sheila was taking me. Unfortunately, the Kia Rio, in front of me decided that 40 mph was fast enough for the Beltline. “Oh for F-cks sake!” (OFFS) I screamed to no one. Well, technically Sheila heard me, but she was busy telling me where to go as usual. If a man is driving and a woman is telling him where to go, is he still taking the wrong route? I will not answer the question; I think we all know the answer…

     “Speed up you dimwit!” I bailed on Sheila’s planned route, much to her chagrin and she promptly reprimanded me for my errant ways. “OFFS…I am not going to make a U-turn, Sheila! I have decided on an alternate route, catch up will you?” Again with the suggestion for a u-turn, again my obstinate refusal. Just so you know we got there, eventually…

                                          Mice, BTW, are horrendous drivers…Jus sayin’…

     Sometimes other people that you cannot control derail your success. That is why we should all carry concealed weapons in our cars. Pop a cap in that ass, they squeal off the road and on your merry way you go. Just like they were never there at all! (sarcasm)

     It is good plan that I do not carry a loaded gun in my car. I am more successful and complete more things if I am not in jail for blasting a cap in someone. Even if they deserve it. However, I can always blame it on the Rio...

     Sometimes success is overrated, and achievement is a hollow victory. The anticipation of completing a task is why we are working. In our life, the journey not the arrival is how our story is written. Each of us has an end of the road where we all end up eventually, but why hurry? Meandering like a bull in a china shop through all the chapters is how I roll.

     And sometimes I actually pay attention to what is actually happening. Sometimes I actually smell the flowers before I give them to my wife. And sometimes I actually stop and enjoy the day no matter how crappy it may be going…you never get it back, once it has rolled on to tomorrow…and everyday I see someone that has it worse than me…and I thank god…

             Mice pay attention to everything…if they don’t it could have mortal implications…

     I plan to run for KING of the WORLD… Better win the lotto first. And get few more guns…and a couple of lawyers…

     I Plan to fix the BASSMONKEY into a boat of my own design. Better win the lotto first as well. Maybe not the lotto, but definitely need a cash infusion. I plan to knock off a couple 7-11’s and a bank or two. That sounds like a GREAT! Idea…

                                     The mice have lived in the BASSMONKEY for too long…

     If I ever am going to steal it is going to be 100 followed by lots of zeros. Not a bunch of chump change. That way I can plan to disappear. The problem is I am an applause junkie. I will end up getting noticed somewhere, sometime. Such is the price I pay for being who I am.

                 If I did try the aforementioned I think I would wear a Mickey Mouse mask…

     So with all this planning and so little completion you would think I am frustrated. Not so much. The completion of this life is death. What happens next, I really do not know. I plan on an after life. I plan on completing this life. Each of us only gets one shot. Dream big and plan a ton. And complete what you can, but enjoy the ride! Make it count.