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Anyone offended or pissed about content can send me a $25.00 (cash) and an “Ed Johnson” letter via snail mail in triplicate and a self-addressed, stamped envelope. I may respond…but prolly not… (However, I will donate half of the proceeds to the Safe Haven Humane Society…)
Trending Now……1.Jaycee Dugard 2.Bankruptcy Protection .JetBlue 4.Shipping Containers 5.Kim Kardashian 6.Hurricane Watch 7.Bristol Palin 8.Jennifer Aniston 9.Lady Gaga Meat Diet…10.Keanu Reeves
I see some pretty stupid stuff on my daily driving exploits. I see a lot of bridges in disrepair, a lot of pot holes, and occasionally when it is not sunny but I decide to wear my HD Wrap-around sunglasses with the x-ray feature on full tilt I can also see the disparaging decay of our neglected underground infrastructure. …I also like garlic…*buy stock in garlic now*
I have yet to figure out how to use these x-ray spec superpowers for good, like say, checking out hotties’ undergarments. When I figure this out, I will let you know…
Anyway, with this feature on this most awesome set of glasses, I can see the potable water and raw sewage mixing together making potable sewage offspring…like Absopure and Dasani…seriously, paying a dollar (or more) for something that comes out of the tap for free. Yeah, tap water may have been in someone’s toilet two days ago, but that’s why we have sewage treatment plants…and Britta water filters...*buy stock in Britta now*
A coupe of days ago I saw another crumbling intellect beauty. a pure gem...With my mental imaging device and my mind-melding USB cable I mind melded this picture to the blog…
I thought the yellow line turn lane was meant to have vehicles enter ALL THE WAY INTO IT and turn…I know it is mostly used to merge into traffic when making a left hand turn, like on 28th street but it is ACTUALLY meant for making left hand turns…or so I thought…Mebbe not…I don’t know…intellect..crumbling..can’t...make…sense…
I do not know what, where, or who to place the blame for the Crumbling Intellect of America (or CIA). I have some ideas, but they are all kinda fuzzy logic right now. I am leaning toward the lack of garlic the typical American diet. I have yet to see McD’s come out with garlic infused Angus burger. I had thought by now they would have at least a deep-fried garlic clove or at least a garlic-flavored shake. I bet Wendy’s is the first on the garlic bandwagon…just a hunch… *buy Wendy’s stock now*
McD’s did come up with the Shamrock Shake. I would think the braintrust that could make that disgusting combination of green beer and ice cream would deliver us from the evil of no garlic fast food…BTW…I do not like the shamrock shake flavor but I do like both ice cream and beer, but not green beer…
The only explanation is vampirism. Vampires are running things at all levels of everything. To be correct bad vampires. The good ones can and do eat garlic. They can also be photographed. And see their reflection in the mirror. And all the girl good vampires are as hot as Kate Beckinsale. Or not…whatever…
It is a full moon so I guess it could be Lycans as well...mebbe, but I doubt it…
Yup! Vampires are sucking the life out of everything. They are destroying the world. They are everywhere and all that and a slice of toast… I know there could be another reason for the CIA, but let’s not over think things. Let’s be simplistic, and very tea-partyish. Let’s just go with the first completely stupid, unfounded, improvable, illogical thing and run with it…hence *the world is a vampire*…or I mean the world is run by vampires…BAD ONES…
We do not need to go any farther with this blog, but why stop here. There are plenty of CIA examples. And the vampires do not want me to disclose these things… since I am not one to follow instructions, and have authority issues already; I will forge ahead…besides I have more stuff to say...
Any commercial that makes you question the mental age of the ad company exec’s that okayed some of this tripe is a fine example. Most of these ridstupidous commercials are not beer commercials. Beer commercials are 99% good. Although, Michelob and Lowenbrau, and most times Coors commercials are just bad. When I feel the crumbling of my intellect after listening to or watching a bad commercial I feel vampired…*buy stock in Lowenbrau not…er I mean now…*
I love the crumbling intellect involved in a four-way stop. I wave people thru a lot of the time. If they do not know the person to the right has the right of way (I know this depends on the time of arrival an all that but let’s not get all technical and stuff) I love f-ing with their chee… Sometimes I Bogart (Norman suggested bog art which I read at first as Bong Art…I have a suspicion that Norman the speel-chjeckler used to be a stoner) their right-of-way. If they are too stupid to know the four-way rules of engagement, f them…
BTW…Hooterville er I mean Hudsonville is the worst city at the four way stop…
but then all Cadillac’s have auto pilot don’t they?
*buy stock in Cadillac now*
While driving the other day with my friend Aaron, he mentioned that a cell phone should have a death ray feature. (I think that is the word he used, but I am not sure so I will run with it anyway, cuz that’s how I roll!) I agree. That would make sense. That would make a cell phone REALLY smrt…it would have helped immensely with all non-drivers of the crumbling intellect variety. And it may help with the population explosion. The drawback is that sooner or later I would be a victim of this technology. Oh well, live by the cell-phone death ray; die by the cell-phone death ray. *buy any techno stock now* Ok so if you are a pedestrian you have the right-of-way. Kinda…but not if you are crossing out side of the crosswalk. Then you are fair game. Then you are a bumper blemish. Albeit a low point value but fair game none-the-less. I have noticed that more and more high-school age (and younger) kids seem to be oblivious of this rule... The next one that flips me off while crossing fifty yards from the nearest crosswalk of in front me will become a hood ornament. I will also back over them for good measure… Jus’ Sayin…crumbling intellect…
My friend Jim got a ticket for failure to alight, while riding his bike on the side walk. Well, actually he was riding thru an intersection coming off a side walk and into an intersection, and as he rode thru, he was struck by a car. He died…KIDDING! But he did almost miss ManCave Thursday which is a fate worse than death. And he got the ticket. If that is not crumbling intellect, I am afraid to find out what is. Whatever happened to the “Last Clear Chance” motif?
Remember when you could go to Denny’s and drink coffee all night and it was only 75 cents? For a bottomless cup! Now people wait in line for ten minutes or more at a WhoreBucks to get ONE cup for $3.00 and up. And it is not any better than the “cheap stuff” at Denny’s…there is a serious crumbling intellect when it comes to coffee. *Sell all your shares of WhoreBucks now*
And why can’t Customer Service people count back change? Try giving them $1.37 for something that costs 87 cents. Just once. And watch the look on their face…it is good for a laugh…you can almost see their crumbling intellect slipping out their ears…
I also want to know why the CSR’s *bank tellers* cannot go in the safe every morning and roll around in the money. That may change their attitude a bit. I know it would change mine. It just sounds like a lot of fun.
Tangent alert tangent alert tangent alert (a new feature!!!)
And why would anyone not think affordable healthcare for the masses is not a good thing? We pay for indigent care irrelevant of the fact that we have a good policy or a crappy one…or even none at all…the tax dollars hard at work…
I have a high deductible and not so great insurance plan, but it is insurance all the same. I am thankful for the coverage. The cost of healthcare would drop if it were not for all the freebies for indigent care. Or mebbe I am suffering from crumbling intellect.
For a moment I forgot that insurance companies are the devil, run by vampires and will not lose money…the premium you pay does not get used for paying losses, only a small portion of it goes toward the risk pool. It just makes sense that if you stop a leak, (read fewer freebies) there is more water in the bucket and the same applies to a big pool of money (read: risk pool).
Alert over…
Look around you. The crumbling intellect is everywhere. I saw a post on FB from one of my friends mentioning to a CSR at a grocery store (remember when they called them cashiers?) that they were going to Gettysburg. The CSR replied that she did not really know where that was but it sounded familiar. Screams of crumbling intellect…I may be a *good* vampire, sucking the life out of this life, living every moment like it could be my last, giving my all in every facet of my everyday existence, yeah Riiight ...well mostly I am…but that does not mean I don’t like garlic. I love garlic. It is proven to give you stinky pits, but it is brain food. I cannot prove the brain food thingy because I do not have interweb right now to do any research, but I know it to be true. Every time I have garlic I feel smrter…Garlic may help stem the tide of crumbling intellect in the USA. And rid us of the bad vampires that are ruining the world…
*thru click an ad and save some puppies NOW*
"Dude, i'm like, sooooo speel chjeckled right now. i think time has stopped. do you have any food, man?"
ReplyDelete- Norman
Put down the pipe and walk away...norman...
ReplyDeleteMoney is filthy. It is not a good idea to roll around in it.
ReplyDeleteGarlic is good, but needs to be shared before kissing happens. Just saying