The trouble bubble

     In sports when you are in danger of being cut from the team the common phrase to describe your situation is on the Bubble. I am a gambling man by nature, a true Sagittarius, (the sign was described after my inception/conception, I am sure, but who really knows…) so much of my life is on the bubble. THE TROUBLE BUBBLE.

i suffer from the verbal variety of the trouble bubble...

mostly. i occasionally do stupid stuff as well...
spoken stupidity does not kill you...
no one is dying from it...
stupid actions can kill...
lets all try to stupid actions stuff...
riiiihgt...that can happen...

     At work I have gotten much better at avoidance of the TROUBLE BUBBLE. I still forget who I am supposed to be at times and then all matter of mayhem ensues. For the most part the 40 or so hours a week that I work are usually TROUBLE BUBBLE free. I think that it has to do with maturity. Or something like that. Wisdom of aging? Who knows? It could just be the fact that we all do what we do to pay the mortgage...(Semi lifted from Thank You for Smoking)

     In the rest of my real life I am a TROUBLE BUBBLE waiting to burst. I do not really mean to hurt feelings or be crass, sometimes, but I do suffer from Applause Junkie Syndrome (AJS) a certifiable and actual, psychological psychobabble prognosis. I could not possibly have made that up, could I? One of the indicators of my affliction is always being around the TROUBLE BUBBLE. I also need to be the center of attention...all the time...Well, NOT all the time...I do need my beauty sleep...It is tough being this man-pretty...

i lack the ability at times to hit the self edit button...

that is why i love the written word...

at least until i hit the post button...

editing written words can be done..

the things said cannot be taken back...

EVEN if i am jus sayin'...

what everyone else is jus' thinkin'...

     My affliction is not easily corrected. The medication is rare. I think it comes from the Amazonian Rain Forest, right near where McDonald's is destroying the flora and fauna at an alarming rate, to feed the world cheap burgers. You might think that such a statement would dissuade me from eating meat. Nope. I will always be a flesh eater. At least until I no longer have teeth. Or I die, which ever comes first. Don't get me wrong my earthfriendly veggie-eatin bro's and sis's...The world needs all kinds to keep it spinnin'...Jus sayin'....

     This medication is not cheap. And I do not like the side effects, the main two side effects being boredom and anal leakage, (the phrase anal leakage makes my manmind giggle so I try to use it when ever I can) hence I rarely take my meds.

     My lack of medication does lead to some issues with the people that know me. They are often caught up in the shitstorm and subterfuge that is the cause and effect of my affliction. I just gotta say that anal leakage is truly a problem because shartting is never good.

     I have tried to do and/or have done and said many really stupid things in my life. The TROUBLE BUBBLE is like my little black rain cloud... I do not think they are stupid at the Impulsive-Decision-Inception. They make perfect sense. Sometimes alcohol is involved. But rarely. If it were more involved I would be a Hold My Beer AND Watch This guy. That is not me.

     The picture below is me.. it is about 7 years ago...I have to pay a mortgage so I had to cut my hair. However, I think a few people applauded at this gig...(photo courtesy of Billy H., thanks bro...)

 Your world is determined by the sphere in which you operate. It can be one of safety and calculation of risk. It can be one of fear and ignorance. It can be a sphere of comfort and high society. It can be many combinations of spheres and many things. The TROUBLE BUBBLE is not a bad thing, but it is not for everyone. It is what it is…Jus sayin’

There are consequences for all of our actions. We all pay a price. There are things that happen for a reason. There are good things and bad things, but we all have to live the way that makes us feel the most comfortable with who we are. I am a guy that walks the line between what I should do and what pops into my head...this is my comfort zone..And believe me, the price is often steep. The missteps are sometimes disturbing and sometimes comical. as I always say....stupid stuff is ALWAYS funnier when it happens to someone else...

     I am not felonious. I am not too morally corrupt. I am just a bit off the straight and narrow path that my parents would have chosen for me. However, with great ideas, there is always risk. Ask Einstein. Ask Edison. Ask Ford. Ask those AtomicBrainiacs that created the A-bomb. Well, maybe I am not in their league, not even close but they were risk takers as well.

   I am nothing special, really in so far as we all are special in some way, but I am not afraid (read:impulsive) to do things that may have unhealthy, sometimes relationship repercussioning,  and even embarrassing consequences. This is all part of my charm, but it is also part of my Waterloo...

     One of my latest endeavors was going to be jumping the Grand River on a motorcycle. I planed to jump near the I-196 area that has that River Boat. You know the part of the river that always smells like an abandoned but recently used outhouse. Why would I jump there? Because the crowd would be better? Not so much, but I think the methane in the air would give me lift.

    i may have talked to someone about it.

i may have mentioned that it was on my radar.

most times my nefarious non-noggin-engaged exploits

are of the verbal and vociferous variety.

i generally think things thru a bit...

when life an limb may be endangered...

generally...

     BTW I have fallen on a motor cycle twice in the three times I have ridden one. That should be enough to tell me to avoid them at all costs. But, hey, I am a gambling man by nature. I live for the TROUBLE BUBBLE side of life. I would charge admission and half the proceeds would go to my favorite cause, the Safe Haven Humane Society. Click Pro Quot, Clarisse…

     To accomplish this end, I returned all my beer cans and bottles, cashed in my change jar at a Coinstar Machine and went on Craig’s List. Imagine my surprise when I could not find a single Motorcycle for the amount I had to spend. $47.56…I thought I could find something for that amount but no such luck. I guess that was a sign from the bubblegods to avoid that TROUBLE BUBBLE.

     I like to take chances. I like to gamble. I like to rob banks, although I have yet to ACTUALLY rob any other bank than my Sinclair Brontosaurus-Bank, the thought always seems like it would be a lot of fun. Until someone gets their eye poked out with a stick or a stray taquito... Mom always said don't play bank robbers in the house  Then there is lots of ‘splainin’ to do Lucy…

     Being the gambling man that I am I am willing to bet there is not one of you out there that has not thought about robbing a bank at least once. Especially after they hit you with some blind-sided fees for something or other that was explained like three statements ago, in print so small it makes sub-atomic particles look like bowling balls.

     I usually say something off color at the wrong time. I make no excuses, no victim statements, and no apologies... It is what it is...actually I find myself apologizing ALOT.. In my mind the scene always plays out so much better than the actual events. When a TROUBLE BUBBLE bursts no one is safe and the effects are not pretty. Blame it on the stars, blame it on my sign and blame it on my affinity for assholism.

     And alcohol. Blame alcohol. They say a person with my affliction, AJS, should avoid having more than one drink per week. One drink? Seriously, I spill one drink a week. I know that is a party foul and all that, but whatever. Spillage happens when you party sober…and when you party drunk, and when you party naked… I will not blame alcohol. That would be like making excuses. Nope. Sometimes I am just plain Palin stupid…

those of you that know me well...

know i love to lob the bombs of BS...

i embellished, i embroidered. i lied...

(James Woods, from True Believer)

     The TROUBLE BUBBLE affects the part of a person’s brain that understands adulthoodness. It attaches itself to unsuspecting neuro-transmitters and other medical terms that I cannot figure out how to pronounce, let alone spell, and attacks your Adulthoodness, making you think that what ever you just thought about or are going to say  is one great idea away form immortality, adulation and a shitpile of cashola...just like a kid…AJS... 

 It is sad that in today’s world with all the advances in medical science that I or anyone should have to deal with this AJS. I blame the constant left right bickering in the house of prostiticans and senate, but I also blame the industrial-insurance-geopolitical-pharmaceutical- complex.

     I have been called moron, trouble bubble-boy, bubble boy, asshole, idiot and a whole bunch of not nice stuff. It is only words. They do not change the fact that I am a split second from the next great idea, and f-bomb away from a meltdown of nuclear-esque proportions.

 things were said..feelings were hurt,

the out-of-context-carnage cannot be undone. 

no regrets. no apologies...

okay, i am sorry...

maybe...

     The TROUBLE BUBBLE bandwagon is filling fast. You can be on board with the big dogs, or you can sit on the porch and howl. Your choice. I will ride the TROUBLE BUBBLE for as long as I can. OLD DOGS cannot learn new tricks...I will ride until I die. I could even die while riding one of these bubbles. Who knows? Life is far too short to not enjoy it the best way you know how…even if you make verbal mistake...no one is dying from it...

 btw...i misspelled break (brake) on purpose...so don't even try to correct me...