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Monday, July 19, 2010

Check your shoes…

     Way back when I dated a girl named Anna, I went to visit her in the city of Toledo. She lived in a somewhat older house. Before I went to bed she told me to check my shoes in the morning. I really did not understand why, so I didn’t. No girl is telling me what to do Imagine the surprise when I slid my foot in the shoe and found that something else had slipped in previously.  It was a large cockroach. Maybe I should listen to girls more often? Yucky. Roaches and palmetto bugs are quite yucky.
     BTW, I saw bunches of palmetto bugs in the Keys when I used to head down there. The fact that I had only 3 pair of shoes to check made the morning ritual of checking the shoes fairly easy to do. And sandals make it even easier…
     This Toledo Terror was by far the biggest roach I had ever seen. Having worked in restaurants I have seen quite a few. Not quite as big as a palmetto bug, but it was hefty, nearly the size of a nickel. I may have screamed like a little school girl. I think I may have thrown up in my mouth a little; I definitely got woozzled and light headed. I hate bugs.
     The only good bug is one that I do not see. Except for fireflies. For some reason the fact that they can glow and all that makes them kinda cute and acceptable. That is until they get in my mouth, then the gloves come off and the fighting begins. They do not taste very good. However, Tucker thinks they do.
     I do not like spiders either. I have a deal with spiders, though. I call it the spider treaty. They can live anywhere they want outside the house and in corners in the basement. When they traipse across the ceiling they are dead. I may or may not have to kill them, but Roxy will. Most times I do end up pushing a bit too hard and it is squashed spider ceiling gook.     A good way to get a spider off the ceiling, like when it is over the bed, is a plunger. Preferably this works better with a dry, clean one. I had a special, never-been-dipped plunger while married to my first wife. It was affectionately called the spider sucker.
         1. Install plunger over the offensive arachnid.
         2. Apply slight upward pressure.
         3. Pull plunger off ceiling and spider should come with the suction.
     What you do next is you own deal. Personally, any treaty violation of the spider treaty is generally considered a capitol offense.
     Checking your shoes read: removing them at the door at someone’s house as a guest is generally not acceptable, but when I am working it BUGS me. I move slowly enough without having to put shoes on and off every time I have to go in and out….I can live with it, but it still BUGS me…
     Check your shoes. Good idea when walking in our back yard, if Libby has not done the POOPSCOOPDETAIL…It is also a good idea to check your shoes if you are walking on the grass around any neighborhood at night. Ding-dong ditchers beware; I have left a little Tucker-bomb for you buggers…
     The real people that need to check their shoes however are the Prostiticans. They really BUG me… can you tell? It does not matter which side of the political fence you sit, the jerkweeds that are running this country need to check their shoes. They keep on stepping in it.
     I had to watch a bunch of Opinionflashers today while on the job. Okay, so I did not have to *watch*. I could have changed the channel or turned it off, but like a traffic accident, I was drawn to look…I could not look away from the conversational carnage. I believe the term I am looking for is Hype-and- hypocrisy-hypmotism… I know, correctly spelled hypnotism
     Should we continue unemployment for those lazy slobs that can’t find a job? Should we debate the pros and cons of healthcare reform? Should we worry about the *whateveritis* in New York that may or may not be a terrorist threat? Is the BPD really fixed? OMG…Blah blah blah…Jus sayin’. How does anyone watch this crap all day long…? Check your shoes…*or more correctly boots/hip-waders*
     Shortly before my head imploded and my brains oozed out my ears, nose, and down my throat, I was mercifully free from their TVtryanny. I did find the will to hit the remote button that said OFF. I will admit there was a slight moment of TVtrepidation… I was successful, thank God! And I did check my shoes…
     Check your shoes *Mr. I hate Obama and his healthcare reform bill* It is easy for someone with a super-awesome life-time insurance coverage to disparage any hint of reform. It does not affect their shoes. They check their shoes and the Gucci label is still legible. IKR?
     As long as the Prostiticans can see any doctor at anytime and do not have to decide on the critical decision of what to spend the moola on like say, paying the medical bills or putting food on the table, or gas in the tank, why should they care about anything but their own self-serving sustainability? As long as they are repaid very handsomely for their *service to the country* they will be just fine.
     Hey, teabaggers, tea tokers, or whateverthefuck you call yourselves, hey, Dems. Liberals, and bleeding hearts, hey, conservatives, right wingers, and religious over-zealots, check your shoes and stuff them in your mouth. Hopefully the sh%t that you stepped in is still in place. Then maybe you will know what the slice of the American-Dream Pie the rest of us are eating tastes like. HINT: work together instead of bickering you vampires of value and stop hurling vitriol.
     The real problem in this country is not Obama, Bush, or any other president. It is Cheney. Or it may be Sara Palin It is all of them…It is the corruption and greed associated with preserving YOUR (read: Prostiticans)idea of what America needs. It is the constant back-biting and undercutting that BUGS me. It is the FACT that they cannot do anything that slightly resembles compromise. All they can do is prostitute the good-will of the voters and bend to the will of the Money-god special interest groups, international corporations, and PAC’s. Shame on them.
    Take all the hot air, empty rhetoric, and complete bullshit the Prostiticans are forcing on us along with all the Prostiticans and load it in a large rubber ball. Use a couple of submarines to drag it down to the BPD pipe in the gulf, and stuff that in the pipe. That will stop the bleeding and get rid of the problem. most likely
     When idiots are making the decisions for the rest of the country the situation is dire. I do not know what the solution is, but I do know what it is not. What we have is what it is not. A little bit of HONEST compromise may go a long way to righting what is left of our democracy. Checking your shoes and putting on a less desirable pair may help.
     A bug in a shoe is creepy. Poop on your shoes stinks. A hole in your shoe is uncomfortable. A stone in your shoe is uncomfortable too Check your shoes…and not just for bugs, but for all humankind…
Just another day in paradise


  1. it's self-preservation, man. they don't want to upset the status quo by actually doing anything, BECAUSE their guccis aren't covered in shit. as long as each party maintains a relatively contrary viewpoint, they feel that they are doing their jobs, and feel secure in retaining those jobs, because they know that there's a smattering of assholes all across the country who vehemently believe that they are the good guys, fighting an honest fight. because everyone watching TV journalism thrives on the competition, and the misapprehension that there are good guys to root for, and bad guys to condemn.

    if hollywood made a movie about average people who were able to compromise, nobody would watch it. same holds true for TV news. and since that's the primary avenue for politicians to contact us (but not the inverse), and those are the characters that make news stations money, those are the people who wind up in charge. and it's not some crazy conspiracy; just a traffic accident.

    the solution is inaccessible by design, due to the economic reasoning of businessmen doing their business. (check your shoes)

  2. LOL...but what really is a conspriacy, and the traffic accident is merely a cover to divert our attention while they are stealing our shoes? jus sayin...

  3. pretty sure they don't want my shoes; although, maybe that's where my black ones ran off to....

  4. I don't mind bugs really. Got a pic of a stick insect as long as my arm on my arm


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