Good and smart…

     So, I can finally do all the things that I ever wanted to from my phone. Well, not so much. I can barely text with it and god knows what kind of juxtapositions is required to actually place a call. I have had this smart phone for about 60 hours. I have received about 4 calls. Usually I get around fifty calls per day. Well, who knows, I am really not very important, but my phone seems to ring a lot. I just pulled the number outamyass from You-Know-Where.

     Technology is moving quite fast. Somewhere in the supersonic age we have seemed to substitute smart for good. My GPS, Game Plan Sucks Sheila, while a good invention, is not very smart. She does not learn that I will get lost, or decide after a couple of trips to a particular destination that I have found a better way to go. Better for me, is not the same as most people, cuz I still rely on landmarks and other keys EVEN with a GPS…good does not equal smart.

     There is a difference between smart and good. Ideas are no different. A smart idea is not always good idea. Firstly, smart and good while a like in many ways, are spelled TOTALLY different than each other. nmathematically they are VERY different. I have done the hard math for you. It is very complicated, but I will break it down for you.

     Okay. There it is. Easy for cheesy, and it is OBVIOUS the two do not equal each other. But for you genius rocket science level math wiz’s, you may try to refute my findings. Good luck. It is published on the interweb thingy, so it must be true…I published it first...Jus Sayin’

     I have often wondered where the boat is when you see a truck and boat trailer on the side of the road. The SMART money is probably on the fact that the boat is in the water, somewhere and they are just bringing the trailer back to store it. It would NOT be GOOD if they had lost it and just now decided to look in the rear view and noticed the boat went missing. Not so SMART either...

     Why is it that there is ALWAYS a bag of trash in the McDonalds parking lot, from some jackass that just finished a meal in the car? It is not like there are not 15000 trash cans at a typical Mickey D’s…Not GOOD and NOT SMART! And what is up with seeing one shoe on the side of the road? Are there really that many one legged people throwing the other one away?

     I really question the whole idea of a pair of undies on the side of the road. Very scary. Hey, I get the whole idea of free-ball-Fridays, but seriously. That many people going commando is not a GOOD thing. And for some it is not very SMART either…

     I am also sick of anything that says it is GREEN! When something gets overplayed just like EVERY f-ing DOORS song ever written and that ridiculous Afternoon Delight song from our misguided youth, it gets tiresome. BTW, Mo Jo, fire should not be rhymed with fire… Pyre and fire okay, but fire rhymed with fire = stupiditiness.

     Hey, do not get me wrong, we should be more environmentally responsible, but really? So many green things YET so little GOOD and SMART. The ridonkulousity of this trey chic catch phrase marketing is the “Where’s the Beef?” of this decade…

     And just so you know here are some things that are not GOOD it they are green:

• Teeth
• Food that the primary color is not green
• That container of some kind of science experiment left in the ‘fridge for god knows how long
• Avocado appliances. For some reason they are making a comeback. But I guess it is better than harvest gold…
• Snot.
• Blobs in your new bucket of drywall mud
• Those oopsmissedthemouth fries under the seat of the truck
• Beer when it is not St. Patty’s Day
• Apples that Tucker likes to pick up on our morning walks.
• Jeans. (Apologies to Kaptain. Kangaroo, but seriously)
• Tomatoes, fried or otherwise
• Tea
• Skin see your doctor
• Ham (eggs are okay, but green ham…not good)

     So, anyway, I got a smart phone. I was wondering just how smart it is.

     I asked it some questions. I got not so many answers. The other day I was washing off a driveway. I had some diluted muratic acid to clean some rust and stuff off the slab. I needed to get about fifteen more feet than I had linkable hose. I asked my phone what to do. I got NOTHING! Zero. Zip. Nadda. Thankfully, I AM smart S-M-R-T! d’oh…Gratuitous Homer reference!

I got no replies. It sat there and looked like a phone.

BTW, both of the hoses were colored green.

 As this awesome Mind's eye shot depicts, (above) I figured it out, making me smarter than the average smart phone, gooder than a Catholic Priest, Greener than the biggest tree hugger, and pretty much Mr. The Genius! (Thanks to Billy H for that phrase!)

     I am learning that my smart phone is NOT VERY smart. It is kinda good. But not very smart. It DOES NOT have the ability to do what I want, when I want. The case could be made that I have to LEARN how to use it, but don’t you think that is kind of anti-smart? If it were so smart, it would learn how to be like me…Jus sayin’…Hey, the phone is kinda good. It ain’t very smart, but smart and good is not the same thing…