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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Randomness from a fractured reality…

Readers poll on a subject to be written on a future Blog. Deadline for entries is Aug 10, 2010, I will write the blog while I am on my fishing/slacking Vacation in Minnesota…I will give credit to the winner. Winner will be chosen by random drawing. Eligibility for drawing simply leave a comment include you name *JIM* here are some ideas for you to pick from. Your own are welcome as well…
     I cleaned out my Mind’s Eye Imaging Device this weekend. I was amazed at the stuff that was in there. Tucker chewed the mind meld cable a bit so the picture quality is a bit sketchy. I tried to edit it with photo shop, but then remembered I do not have that program.
     The best of these pics only usable was a truck with a tree at the Breton Village D & W…


 I guess that the person driving the truck imagines themselves to be pretty green…I think I hate them
I had a bunch of ideas floating around for bloggingness, but they all where so random that I thought there was nothing better to do with them but put together a blog of random thoughts… I hate it when a bloggering idea is stillborn…

The front seat of my truck is merely a place to set files and PM books and other office paraphernalia. Unless I am taking the TuckMonster to some random destination or the lake there is really no where to sit but on my lap. That can kind of impede my driving so that is not gonna fly… Back when I lived in the van a removed the passenger seat and built a storage bench and it became known as the Busker bench.
     If I am not working it is a Tucker Seat. Sticks, rope, toys, balls, and whatever else he carries back to the truck that he picks up when I am not looking, are all part of the Tucker seat. Oh yeah and dog hair...lots of dog hair....
     Cup holders are merely places to store stuff until you need to put a drink in there. Then you have to find new places to put that stuff so the drink does not spill. Crotching the drink is usually a better option unless it is Mc Donald’s coffee. That stuff is too hot. And that greedy idiot that spilled coffee on herself all those years ago kinds ruined the LawsuitFreeLunch  for the rest of us…Jus’ sayin’
     So let me ask you this…When you are driving do you ever pull out in front of someone just to see if they will stop. Hey, they ARE gonna slow down, stop, OR NOT…It is kinda like a bizarre game of RoadRageRoulette. So far they all have stopped, but I will eventually find someone crazier than I am, or paying even less attention than a deaf guy with a bullhorn next to his ear. They will probably be texting, but be the kid of some local prostitican and get a free pass, while they find a way to send the used-to-be-long hair to jail.
     Beer can be cooled to the proper drinking temperature in 10 minutes in the proper ice bath. I have done extensive research on this particular subject and the perfect ratio is 12 cubes to every 3.47 ounces of cool tap water. The control group used EGR tap water, and it comes from the tap a frigid 57.86 degrees Fahrenheit. The ice cubes were standard issue circa 1980 ice-machine variety.
     The older I get the more I find distaste for young parents and their ill-conceived cretins. It seems that parenting is a lost art. I blame psychologists and that Dr. Spock guy. And that is why I do not trust anyone with pointy ears.
     I have killed a lot of plants in my day. Most were unintentional. Who needs moisture meters? A pinky works just fine. Eyes work fine as well. If the dirt is hard and the plant is all brown and shit, it probably needed water. It is probably too late. As a side bar, I have been involved in owing a landscaping as a business twice. Hence, the reason I am in Carpentry now. The plants (read: trees) I touch now are dead by the time I touch them.
     Day five with a smart phone and the training is not going well. It has sit and stay down pat, but I cannot seem to get it to make toast, coffee, or for the love of God a good Benedict sauce. (Try the Cherie Inn; they have a great Benedict Sauce). It is not very good at fetching either. Maybe I will try to not have it fetch around water next time, as phone and water are a bad combination, but I am not very hopeful. someone needs to invent an underwater cell phone. Hey, they already have watches that can do that.. 
     And, for some reason my phone has yet to learn to tell me that I missed a call. Don’t even get me started on reading the instructions. First, I do not EVER read instructions and "B", the book is all f’d up anyway. It seems like I only got the Spanish version…
     And WTF is up with having to enter a PIN number (Don’t you hate when some mouth breather calls it a pin number…) I gotta say that is like the most Absofuckinglutely dipshitacular idea ever.
     Jim Rome is back from a two week vacation. I did not miss him. A few days ago he was talking about a MMA (mixed Martial Arts) cage bed for kids. I find this idea disturbing. Most likely ‘cuz I simply find Jim Rome to be second only to the Hugeicrite in annoyingassity. But hey, it takes a lot of idiots to make me look not quite so stupid... 
     And I guess there is an adult version of this bed. He talked about bringing a girl back to his crib…yes, he said crib…overplayed like any American Idol winners first song…and showing her the MMA cage bed… He dropped this line…”Hey babe, this is where the magic happens.” Thank God I had an empty stomach, because I would have lost a couple gas station hotdogs fer shure…
OMG! It really does exist!!!
    
There ought to be a law against EVER saying this is where the magic happens…men everywhere should be appalled. If you say something as lame as that, you are probably saying it to a picture of a girl on a porn site.Not that I have ever seen such a thing, but I have heard that porn sites do exist…
     Deck designs 101…make the railing a good place for setting a DaddyPop. (Courtesy M. Jetzer) these three pics below are here to assist and may help you to figure this out to your advantage. If your railing is non-conducive to DaddyPop setting, serious remodeling should occur.

ev'rybody have fun tonight!!
ev'rbody wang chug chung tonight!
And in closing, I heard this gem today. Babies stay free at Super 8 motelSERIOUSLY??? Yup!  You mean there are hotels that charge extra for Babies? Really? Now I can die in peace, knowing that at least at the Super 8 motel, my babies are welcome.

    

1 comment:

  1. I have heard your lap is a very nice place to be. :P

    ReplyDelete

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