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Saturday, May 29, 2010

The stupidity factor

On this weekend we remember the valiant men and women that gave their lives in the name of freedom and/or protecting the American way of life. They may have perished but I, for one, appreciate the sacrifice, hence this blog is in honor of our military…God Bless our troops everywhere…

     The world is full of stupid people. Stupidity probably explains the number of wars raging around the globe on any given Sunday, or any day for that matter. I call this the stupidity factor. This should not be confused with the jackass factor. While similar they are unique in their own special way. Jackassery, while stupid, is a conscious effort, whereas stupidity just happens, because some people are stupid. There is also the cross-pollination of the two, an animal know as the stupid jackass, but that is a blog for another day. Today I will focus on stupidity.
     Like a weather reporter, I am giving you the heads up on the stupidity factor. If you decide to travel this weekend, do so with caution. The stupidity factor is directly proportional to the number of people on the roads. It also correlates to the temperature. I figure it on a 100 point scale, with no particular parameters, so it is arbitrary, just like predicting the weather... It will be sunny with a chance of Stupidity. There may also be some liquid stupidity...or it could be cloudy with a chance of Suncrazies......The Stupidity Factor this weekend is hovering around high of 93 and a low of 87…Be warned…
    Stupidity happens. It is all around us. For example, when you go thru the drive thru and your plain McDouble has special sauce on it, most likely that was not intentional, it was stupidity. SF = 67 No malice, just stupidity. Hacking a loogie on an unsuspecting customer, that is stupid jackassery.
     BTW, I abhor special sauce, and its ugly twin, Thousand Island dressing. I have a problem adding sweet pickle relish to anything. It is just gross-o-rama. I think special sauce is simply Thousand Island dressing with a splash of yucky…I don’t EVEN want to know what that ingredient is…We can just call it yucky and be done…
     Another case of stupidity is the French fry bagger who invariably sets the fries in the bag with the sandwiches either side ways or even upside down, so they all fall into the bag instead of staying in the little fry bag they were meant to be in. Seriously? Do they even teach about gravity in schools any more? GRAVITY WORKS dammit!! You know, the fry bag is engineered for you to crotch while driving, so you can eat and drive. Stupidity factor = 99.
     The war in the Middle East where ever we are still engaged is a stupidity factor of 86. The Bush Administrations handling of the war, is SF = 99.9. The idea of calling French Fries freedom fries…SF = 94. The WMD’s or lack thereof, SF =88.
    Below is an actual case of stupidity in action; I captured it in my minds eye (Thanks SKI) and uploaded it into my computer with this really cool UBS mind meld cable I bought from a guy out of a van in a gas station parking lot for $3.00. I also bought some steaks...As I left he said, "let the force be with you," or "live well and prosper" he was mumbling, so I did not quite catch the syntax...I still do not know why the instructions say to….No, on second thought, I won’t go there…(Use your imagination)

The guy in the car is slowing down
I have my turn signal on signaling
My intention to move into the lane
All the while I am slowing down and
We both want to be in the same lane
His reaction time is remarkably the same
As mine. When I finally get his attention
I get the stupidity factor wave for me to go
Ahead of him. BTW stupidly he didn’t
have his signal on.

Stupidity factor = 85
     As you can see, the cable works about as well as my cell phone camera. We could blame it on operator error, but I really think it has to do with the lead based paint I have absorbed over the years. Thank God the EPA is finally doing something about LBP!!! EPA AND LBP SF = 95.7
     Not even two minutes later I had this incident. I was attempting to enter the freeway; the SF van driver was one lane over form the merging lane, when suddenly he decided to merge, nearly hitting me. Good thing I was not texting or playing air guitar, or it could have been messy as well as stupid…When I looked over to flip him off I  could read his lips and I think he said, "Oh, it's not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning."


Notice the lack of other traffic.
I know it seems kind of odd
Being a holiday week end and all…


I believe the Stupidity factor = 93

     Anyone that puts those stupid giant rims and really narrow tires on a car has a high stupidity factor. It looks stupid, therefore it is. The same with buying pants that are 10 sizes too big and wearing them around the middle of your buttock, holding them up with one hand. Opinion flash…No one wants to know what color or style undies you are wearing today. BUY some pants that fit. Both of these are in the SF = 70’s
     Kevin Mathews, the DJ was mildly funny in the 80’s. Jim (Gym?) Shorts was NEVER a funny character. The stupidity factor of Kevin Mathews is in the low 90’s. Why is he still even on the air? Jim Shorts stupidity factor 109. He gets extra credit for being INCREDIBLY STUPID…
     Sean Hannity is not only ridonlkulous; he is not funny, or mildly entertaining.He markets in fear. He markets in ignorance. Fear and ignorance lead to Misunderstanding. Misunderstanding often leads to WAR. If you do not understand the perceived enemy, then how can you justifiably hate them. Jus' sayin'...
     My ideals are not adequately represented by either side of the political spectrum, because the only service the political system really serves is the propagation of itself. It may be the best system in the world but it is flawed. It is time for change, but let's not go there yet, as I digress...
     It is opinionflashers like him that keep the fear, loathing, and war effort going.  SF = 94. His bill board on M-6, the one where he is looking up like the buffoon that he is, rates and astounding 99.999…No scratch that, make it 109.99. He gets extra credit for being stupid, looking stupid, and lacking the innate intelligence to NOT put a picture of him on bill board, let alone the picture he or his handlers chose. You could call it ego, but would defer to just Palin stupidity.

     The previous video is further proof of the Stupidity Factor of an entirely different sub-genre, Palin Stupidity or PF. (Pot to be confused with Porn Fairy). The PF automatically adds at least 10 x the roll of a 6-sided die to your SF. Seriously, Witches? In this century? REALLY?
     Her candidacy alone should have made every single Conservative question their party’s legitimacy, let alone Stupidity Factor. If I were looking for a spokesperson for Stop Inbreeding Now (SIN), I would be more than happy to have her blather a couple of lines of her particular brand of snappy repartee… No, not really…Every time I hear her speak I loose a few brain cells, which I can ill afford what with my affinity for Crown and Coke.
     Hopefully with this warning you are safe from the SF this week end. I know my prayers are with you. And if you are a praying person say an extra prayer for the men and women in uniform, across the globe, fight for life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and sadly, the Stupidity Factor…
Just another day in paradise


  1. No SF this weekend for us, just grad partying! Make the trip!

  2. sorry couldn't make the trip...for some reason my response didn't make the trip either...

    CONGRATS to Elaine...


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