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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Splain this…

    It has been suggested that I include some pictures with my blog. I decided to try it for the second time so I took these pictures with my camera phone. The quaity is not great, but hey, I was driving, and I am techtarded. I did photoshop them a bit to get the text on the shots and make them a bit better than the originals. 
     Peter Falk starred as Columbo when I was growing up. I do not remember what night it was on, or what time. I do know it was on one of the *ONLY 4* broadcast stations we got from the rabbit ears. It was before I had cable. Before HD…Before a lot of things. It was long ago. He may or may not have said, “Explain this to me like I am a kindergartner.” I remember he did.
      It also could have been Dennis Weaver as Mc Cloud, or Telly Savalas as Kojak But feel free to correct me, as my memory is not the greatest in all things…I have used this *borrowed* phrase on many occasions, so it is only right that I throw it out there in my blog… I am pretty sure it was a Columboism...
     As many of you know, these blogs come to me from the Muse of Driving...I have a ton of Windshield time. I also get Jackassed on many occasions while driving to and fro.
   Columbo always figured out the mystery, however, some things just confuse old Brucellini…If he were still on the television I think his latest mystery would be to detemine who wrote the Jackassery  Bill of Rights...Being confused I am asking for a little Columboesque detective work, from you my loyal and faithful readers…It is an open book test…
     The following blog is factual. Well, as factual as any other blog I have written. Maybe more factual. My fact checker quit sometime last December, which coincidentally coincides with when I first started blogging. It may have had something to do with differing political views…I really do not remember all the facts…It may have had to do with me asking for my fact checker to Splain this to me like I am kindergartner….
        I was parked in the Menards lot. I walked to my truck. It was hot. Africa Hot! (Biloxi Blues, 1998, Matthew Broderick) (You can look it up on the search engine) However, it was not as hot as the Chevy truck with a hard-shell flat-top bed cover with a spoiler on it. Splain this to me like I am kindergartner…Why would you need that on your truck? Does it:

     A. Increase your gas mileage?
     B. Make your truck look Ubercool?
     C. Increase you dorkfactor?
     D. All of the above

The spoiler also probably gives you license to take up two spaces.
I think that is in the
Jackassery Bill of Rights.

I always try to find a pull-thru spot in a parking lot. I try to pull as forward as I can without blocking the egress of other vehicles. What I do for a living means that many days my truck is full and anyone that knows me, knows I am considerably challenged when it comes to backing out of a parking space. The fullness of my truck only heightens matters… Splain this to me like I am kindergartner…Why does a SUV (stupid unthinkers vehicle) always take the spot behind me and parks about 3 mm from my bumper? Is it:

A. they want to get close enough to read the logo on my truck?
B. they have no concern for anyone but themselves?
C. there is no other spot in the 20 acre parking lot?
D. the blind person driving is thankful they did not hit that other vehicle.


The Jackassery  Bill of Rights
also provides for every American to do whatever they please, when ever they want.

     On my way home I saw another SUV parked on the wrong side of a two-lane, no shoulder road. The operator of this particular vehicle reached thru the window to get the mail. Splain this to me like I am kindergartner….Did they do this because:

A. they were too lazy to walk the 25 feet from the garage to the mailbox?
B. they are Ubercool?
C. It is a SUV?
D.they wished they wrote the Jackassery Bill of Rights

I KNOW that owning a SUV is in the Jackassery Bill of Rights...As it should be…


      At the gas station I saw a black BMW Z-3. The owner of this vehicle was somewhere in the gas station. I did not see this person, but there were no women in the station, besides the cashier. Just to be safe on my supposition, I went and knocked on the Women’s room door. After getting no answer, I opened the unlocked door, and peered in side. (NOT REALLY) However, I could surmise no women would be in this car. I may have forgotten to mention the air-freshener was a bikini chick. (I guess the case could be made that this car could have been owned by a Lesbian, but I doubt it.) Splain this to me like I am kindergartner…Why is the guy driving this kind of car:

A. fat and bald?
B. middle-aged and wearing a pink golf shirt (or salmon)?
C. thinks he wrote the  Jackassery Bill of Rights?
D. old and still a dork even though he has a cool car?

I think salmon and pink golf shirts
are required by the
Jackassery Bill of Rights.


Some things just confuse old Brucellini…There are no right answers… I am jus’ sayin’ what you all are thinkin’… “One more thing…” Please somebody…
Splain this to me like I am kindergartner…
Just another day in paradise


  1. I tweeted this post. Maybe you'll get a little more traffic. Actual comments to be posted later. BTW, Keith is adorable in pink. *and he's hot*

  2. that's why they call it "HOT pink" ;)

    i like the illustrations, they are hilarious.

    LMFAO @ "coincidentally coincides". words are like bungee cords - redundancy factor.

  3. Very nice blog redesign! Looking good!

  4. CB...yeah but it sounded sooooo good, looks like my editor must hav quit as well...

    i think i will have more illustrations...they make for more work but they were fun...

  5. Carol lynn...

    thanks..i really didn't know it would be so easy to add some flair...

  6. Am liking the pictures. Good plan, great post


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