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Tuesday, May 18, 2010


    Since the invention of currency, the world has been spiraling toward the precipice of disaster. Way back when human kind traded beads and baubles things were much simpler. From what I dimly remember of my required American History class, the USofA bought many a piece of prime real-estate for a handful of trinkets. Somewhere along the line the bankstards er, uh I mean bankers decided that there should be a huge margin of profit in banking. I call this particular brand of foolishness *The bankstardization of America*.
     The Banks suck. There I said it. It is out there. I hate banks. I would rather put my money in a paper sack, fill it with dog excrement, douse it with lighter fluid and light it on fire than to give the bankstards the privilege of using my money to make a bunch of cash. (I feel the same about the IRS and the Government, but I reserve the right to blog about those idiots later) I do not hate the idea of a bank. I do not hate the people, the CSR’s, I know that work at the bank. They are just following the rules. CSR’s are people too. But, hey, the world needs ditch diggers, too. (From the movie Caddyshack 1980)
     Another great thing about bankstards is the directly proportional less hours, less service mantra. Really nothing more needs to be said about this. However, tellers are no longer tellers, but Customer Service Representatives. RIIIIGHT…
     Way back when I was a teenager, I went to withdraw some money from my savings account. The account had probably a $100.00 balance, give or take a few dollars. I could not get my money. There was a freeze on my account. I asked why. They said there was an IRS hold on my account. RIIIGHT! I was an f-ing teen-ager. My job was at the Country Kitchen and I made about $1500.00 per year. I had only been working for a year or two. I could not possibly have screwed up the 10-40 EZ enough to owe back taxes.
     I said that there must be some mistake, but they still did not let me get my cash. Finally, after about 20 conversations from all the staff and management that took about 15 minutes they asked me for my SS#. I gave it to them and it was like 20 different 40 watt bulbs all lit up at once. Wrong Bruce Johnson….DUH!!! We all know there is only one me, but apparently, there are a few people in this world that share my name. We do not share SS #. DUH! Their apology was lame, very lame.
     Recently, I deposited a check drawn from the same bank where I bank. It was Saturday. On Monday when I went to use my debit card, it was declined. It is always a problem when you have a bag of gas station foodloot, and your debit card is declined. So not only was I losing weight hungry; now was also embarrassed and pissed. I called the bank. I asked why my card was declined.
     The lame excuse was that the money I deposited on was not *hard something or other*. WTF does that mean? You can be sure that if I were overdrawn, the transactions I made on Saturday would be *hard something or other* resulting in $35.00 overdraft fees for each item, even though I had deposited the money from the same bank.
     So…then I asked if I had overdraft protection, that would I still get charged for overdrafts? I have heard from other people that have overdraft protection that through some bank error that is not in their favor, they still get charged for overdrawing their checking account. The CSA on the phone said they would have to check. I translated that as a resounding yes. I then said, “Never mind, it does not get my gas station foodloot back.” Probably for the best, but hey, I was still hungry, and pissed off.
     And when you do the pleasure to call, or stop in the branch to get an overdraft fee reversed, better pack a lunch and a sleeping bag, because you will be there a long time while the *right* person is hunted down. This is kind of like when you buy a used car and the sales rep goes to *check with the manager*, which means burn a cigarette. In the bankstard world it is similar but the person is probably stuffing their mouth with Twinkies and rolling around in the vault on 20’s and hundred’s. Most likely the fee will already be *decided*. WTF, did the entire bunch of bankstards graduate from the GW Bush School of being a decider? Decided…Sheesh!
     Bankstards thrive on fees. Fees, fees, and more fees. Every time you touch your money the bankstards want to grab more money from you. If you take cash from an ATM (Again Taking Money) not in your network, it will cost you. Sometimes if it is in your network they still find a way to grab a fee. There is a proverbial weasel in the hen house, and a bankstards are just waiting to slap you with a fee. It is probably due to what color underwear you are or are not wearing. *You know* the cameras at the ATM terminals *are* x-ray technology.
     I also love the interest vs. balance thing the bankstards have in play. Nice! You have an interest bearing checking account, and if it drops below the minimum, they then charge you fees. Great. Now you are fee’d more than the .05% interest they are giving you on your money. Money that they have to make money with, thru investing it in other things like the fabulous idea of mortgages based on credit scores. Just credit scores. No documentation loans are what I think they call them….and people wonder why the housing bubble burst. The bankstard brain trust really hit a home run with that idea!
     That and the fact that in the five houses I have purchased I was always amazed that the appraisal was always right in line within dollars of the purchase price. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out what is going on here. It is a financial shell game. The problem is the real bad guys (big bankstards) did not get punished at all for their malfeasance. In fact they got rewarded by keeping their high roller jobs. And bailed out. In some instances got to go a little retreat on hard earned taxpayer’s moola. F-them…There is a special place in hell for the jackassery that pulled that fast one. Jus’ sayin’.
     If I had wrote the bill to bail out the bankstards, it would have included something along the line that the glittering idiotary that were running the bankstard at the time of the near collapse would be relegated to ditch digging, the lumber yard, or sewer cleaning. Wait, the assigning the idiots to the lumberyard would f up the construction business even more, so scratch that…Guess it’s time to go smoke some cigarettes and kill some bad guys..
     Cash deposits are *usually* the same as cash. WTF??? Except on Saturday, because transactions post on Monday, but bankstards are not open late enough to conduct any banking for anyone that works in the real world. Bankers hours…really funny…and then you can get hit with a bunch of NSF fees because large transactions clear first…I hate ‘em all…
     Hey jackass! It is cash. It is available funds. And so is a cashier’s check. But not to the Bankstards. “No, Mr. Johnson, we have to hold your cashiers check for three eternities, before the cash is available. Maybe your GREAT, GREAT GRANDCHILDREN will be able to access these funds.” My reply is always “But I had to give CASH to make this check happen, so the funds HAVE to be available.” YET the invariably stupid response from the CSR “Not really, Mr. Johnson, we have rules.” Yep! Cash Stealing Rules.
     Absurd rules on cash back are truly a funny thing. I mean LOL funny. If the balance in your account is not enough cover the funds of the check you are cashing then good luck getting cash back. Even when drawn from the same bank as the check is drawn, this should be immediately available. But not always. You must ask for them to be immediately available. WHY should I have to remember to ask? It is my money, from your bank. You bankstards should be able to verify funds. Oh wait, that may take some kind of above primate intelligence.
     There is this thing called a computer. It is that big ugly screen on the counter. You should be able to check the balance of the account from which the deposit is being drawn. If you can’t, then it is time to update the system and probably update to high-speed interweb instead of dial-up.
     Try having a foreclosure, or a loan called in. This fun life experience will make you really love the bankstards. I have had both. It could be said that I am bitter about those. Not so much. My bitterness goes back to my teens...The foreclosure, loan call-ins and lawsuits are simply icing on the cake that is bankstardization.
     Each of us that pay taxes owns a bunch of small slivers of many large banks .Thanks to the government bail-out of the banks with tax dollars. Hell, my great, great, great, great grand children will own these banks. Unfortunately, by that time the banks will probably be worth as much as those aforementioned baubles and beads and a couple of faux-diamond necklaces.
    Is it just me or is there something inherently wrong with banks? I have *decided* all I have described sounds like usury. Or a least a bit of grand larceny. Or as I like to call it bankardization.
Just another day in paradise

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like same crap different country

    Did I tell you I used to work in banks?


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