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Friday, December 18, 2009

just like in the movies

The other day I was driving my truck. I had to get from a job to a supplier. The traffic was light. The day was clear. There was not a blinding snowstorm or a driving rain. The visibility was above average. Unless you happen to be a blind driver, then possibly, you might have a couple issues.

Because I was in a town where I do not live, I was a little confused. Okay, I was lost. As I drove toward the destination, I realized I had to change lanes from the left lane to the right lane. There was a car approaching in the right lane. I put on my turn signal. The one that signals I want to turn right. Just to clarify, because occasionally I have flipped the lever the wrong way, but the little light on the dash helps to correct me.

The car to my right sped up. And then stayed there. Right next to me. I slowed down. They slowed down. I sped up, they sped up. This went on for what seemed like hours. It was only seconds.

This started to get my red hair agoin’. I was getting a nasty bout of road rage. I think I had a little bit of Tourette syndrome as well. I swerved into them and ran them off the road. The little car was no match for my awesome truck. It was fun. The car rolled. It bounced. It burst into flames. The car blew up. Just like in the movies. I sped off with squealing tires and all. Just like in the movies. The ball of flames and smoke faded and got smaller in my rear view mirror, as I put the pedal down.

Not really, but I thought about it.

Eventually, I slowed down enough to let them pass and some other joker took their spot. I know this second car must have seen the flashing light of my turn signal. Obviously, they had a bigger and better agenda. The second car, however, eventually sped past and I got over into the lane I needed.

When I put on my signal I was signaling my intention. I wished to move into that lane. like my friend Billy says, I am not asking I was telling. They were not listening. The turn signal is not a vestigial appendage. It is a form of communication. It is not like it is hard to see. It is flashing on and off saying “look at me, look at me.” Maybe the people next to me were not paying attention. Maybe they were having a bad day. Maybe they were more important than me.

After all this, I missed my turn and had to drive to the next light, make a couple turns, and head back. I decided not to use my signal. I ran four people off the road. It was fun. Here was shooting and bullet holes….Just like in the movies.
Not really.

Just another day in paradise.


  1. Elaine and I have had this happen to us numerous times this month while out driving. I'm like "It's Christmas! And they're not letting us in!" I even got un-merged off the freeway to the shoulder by a truck that sped up as I was merging. I just don't get it. Luckily no mishaps due to the misdeeds, but it makes you wonder why everyone is in such a hurry that they can't afford the time to pace themselves to let people in and out of traffic properly.

  2. obviously we are not as important as others....when driving the best defense is defensive driving....that or an ak-47...


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