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Thursday, June 3, 2010

Round trip…

     Today I drove in a very large circle. More like a two-year-olds rendition of a circle. It was, however, a round trip. Not the usual large circle like in a parking lot. Driving in circles makes me queasy. Except when I am spinning donuts. That is fun! If I get queasy I get sick, and puke. My truck is a Puke Free Smoke Friendly vehicle. At least most of the time.
     Not the, “Who’s driving this car, Stevie wonder?” circle either. (quote from the movie *Die Hard*,) I went almost 200 miles and had a ton of time to ponder the complexities of our modern world. Well, that is when I wasn’t texting or taking little notes for this blog, or searching for a radio station, or talking on the phone and searching for people to call. Thank God I did not have any lip-gloss left or I might not be here to relate this little story…Oh, yeah, and I did happen to work a bit as well...
      It is good to see our federal tax dollars hard at work. If putting people back to work means setting up Orange Cone Zones, then the economy is booming. Interestingly enough cones are circular…hmmm…
      If I were not working I would try to get one of those jobs. I think I am qualified to be a *shovel leaner*. I might be good at holding the stop/slow sign, so *sign holder* would be cool… I know I could be the cigarette *smoker*… I could probably be the *bossy* guy that drives around bossing all the shovel leaners, smokers, and sign holders around, since one of my nicknames is Brucellini… I think he also get so smoke a lot ocigarettes (and kill some bad guys) I can do that !

     The picture at right was taken by the new app on my camera phone called the *Google satellite OCZ imager.* I downloaded it for $19.95, plus applicable taxes, surcharges, and fees. It will probably come out to about $59.99 after all the fees and such. But it is worth it.
     It is amazing that there is almost as much road deconstruction OCZ’s on my route, than clear roads. Which translates to about 7000 displaced factory workers off one government dole, *Unenjoyment*, and on to another *Get America Working Keep ‘em on Every Road* or GAWKER. If you were ever wondering why the traffic slows down in these stretches, it is because of GAWKER’S stares. I know you might have thought like I used to think that it was because, invariably some jackassery of superslowass driving was going but I never really knew why. Now we know.GAWKERS stares. Jus'sayin'

    After driving for what felt like around three days and three nights I saw this interesting truck. I took a break from my texting and lip-gloss, just long enough to snap this pic with my camera phone. I swear it was *Flintstone* powered. Sorry about the quality, I had to swerve to miss a couple *shovel leaners* and a couple *smokers*, while trying to find the cherry that fell off the cigarette that I was smoking. FYI, leg hair smells as bad as head hair when it is ignited, and burning of rip-stop shorts only adds to the bouquet!
        Finally, when I was back in radio range for 107.3,*the ball*, I tuned into the Huge show. I do not like Huge, he is a moronic microphone licker. He does talk about local sports if you can get pass the gas he spews that he considers Huge Opinions. He is a Hugeicrite. He is a blow hard of huge proportions that changes his tune so many times that I really cannot remember what he is ranting about. He makes my head hurt and spin like Linda Blair.
     One minute he is bashing Brandon Inge and then the next he is interviewing him. One minute he is bashing the Lions (easy to do) and Jim Shwartz and the next he is sucking up to him on a phone interview. Out his ass and then up their ass, or as I like to call it, Circluar Assism.     
     Oh yeah, He was ranting about Galaragga’s *no hitter*. Well, actually, blown no hitter. The umpire, and I can’t remember his name, although I only heard it like 10,000 times today, (9999 by Hugeicrite, in  a 90 second span) blew the call.
     After about three minutes, of Hugeicrite and his Circular Assism, I threw up in my mouth a little. I then changed the station to some easy listening station, and threw up  in my mouth a lot. But no spew hit the cloth, my clothes, or dashboard. Thank God.
     Round Trip. I drove in a large circle. Round Trip. I ended were I started. I still feel a little dizzy, but I washed the foul taste of spew out with (Oh and BTW...Thanks Jack and A-bomb!) a beer…
Just another day in paradise

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