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Friday, June 11, 2010

Do I need bangs?

(This blog is dedicated to my favorite customer, and new friend that I did not find at Target, as a token of my apprecaiton…sorry it took so long to write it up Marci…)
     No offense to anyone that watches HGTV, but I gotta say…If I hear one more goofball at a home show say to me when I am trying to talk to them about their project “Yeah, I watch Holmes on Homes” I may have to say STFUYSI…Really? Seriously?
     I have watched him a couple of times, he is good, but being that I am in the trades, I try to avoid the HGTV network. I like what I do, but I gotta have some escape. I am often tempted to ask, “Oh, you are an engineer? cuz I REALLY like *engineering disasters*”. The difference is that most of the homes on Holmes were probably not done by a reputable contractor. Most likely they were done by a conartistractor, the cheapest guy or a DYIer, where as the engineering disasters were committed by engineers…think about it…jus’ sayin’.
     Or I will switch the subject by saying “Oh really? Do you think I need bangs?” ( I stole this one from my friend Marci). I recently finished her basement, and during one of the coffee breaks on a 5 +week job, I was ranting about something and she popped that little gem…I really do not know what I was rambling on about, but it must have been some inane banter, with no point. I am famous for that.
     I recently completed the home show season. (March). I have determined that I am a weirdo magnet. Anyone that needs a few hours to kill and is looking for an ear seems to find me. It may be because I am pleasant and have that Howdy- Doowdy face, like Ritchie Cunningham. Someone suggested to me once that “It takes one to know one.” (fake chortle and yeah, whatever.)
     I may be a bit off, but hey it is not a perfect world. As soon as the human race accepts and embraces the complex diversity that makes up gene pool, the world will be *as one*…Deposit goodwill in the karma bank…I am trying to build up the deposits in my karma bank, with good credit, cuz lord knows I have done some mean and hurtful things in my walk on this earth.
     The problem is that there are weirdoes that are benign, like the lonely old man or the socially awkward goof that go to the trade show to have human interaction. These types will invariably find me and lock me into a fifteen minute diatribe about EVRERYTHING but a remodel project.
     Or if they do, in fact, have a project, they will be so HGTV’D that they will think it can be done for less than $1000.00 dollars and completed in one week-end…I call this tradingspacesitis, from the show Trading Spaces. A show where they think it is ok to put marble on the fireplace surround with construction adhesive. Just so you know it is NOT ok…. It will stay up for a while, but eventually it will come down. You get what you pay for. In karma and in life. BTW, I do not work weekends, (unless you count blogging) very often, and definitely not for you, moron…(I am trying to make some money blogging, click on my ads...HINT HINT...when  I hit $1000.00 I am throwing a hellaious party I'm at $33 and change right now HINT HINT...) but I digress…
     Another type of benign maladjusters is the goofball that just wants to tell me about the last conartistractor that did their last project. They complain and bemoan the delays and the overruns…you get what you pay for… “Do I need bangs?” that phrase keeps rolling around in my head along with “Man, I would cut off a limb for a beer right now.” Fortunately, these benigners are really not all that scary…I have found that picking my nose is not a deal breaker, they will keep on ChattyKathying until they run out of steam or I engage with someone else.
     The problem is that there are many malignant weirdoes. Some want to kill in the name of religion, or belief. These types scare me. Not for me mind you, because if they kill me, then I move on to whatever is in store after this life. I am scared for the innocents and others that I would miss. Grief is for the living. It sucks, but hey, that is part of being alive, rectifying death.
     Others that are scary are the weirdoes that think they are fighting for a just cause. Like bombing an abortion clinic. Kill the baby killers? Does that stop people from having an abortion? Nope. (I do not agree with having an abortion and I am not trying to open that debate, but hear me out.) Killing is wrong, by my morality compass. Violence does not solve violence. “BTW, do I need bangs?”
     One villain in this saga is ignorance. Ignorance breeds fear, fear breeds hatred, hatred breeds violence, violence breeds death. As soon as we embrace difference, embrace individuality and embrace tolerance we will be *as one* I do not believe we will see this in my lifetime, and that is a shame.
     People like Limbaugh and that other knucklehead Hannity, just spread the seeds of ignorance. They are so filled with vitriol and hatred for the other party, also Americans that they would probably be on board to nuke Washington if it would assure the rise of their party. (Not to say that the Dems, are not just as bad, but my blog leans a little left…)
     Greed is also a villain. Our society has put moola on a pedestal. I lost about a half million dollars due to greed of others. I too may have been a bit greedy, but I was the one that lost the cash. However, I heard recently that one of the guys that screwed me out of about 200K, recently got his comeuppance. He is in the process of losing everything. And may do some jail time. Greedy bastard and the karma of what you sow…
     His karmic catastrophe does not get my house or car back, but hey, it does not make me too sad. We all need to look at things from a broader scope. The things you do to others will ultimately come back to you. I would not say to him if I saw him on the street, “looks like you got what you deserved.” I might however say "F you!” but probably not. What good does that do for me? It only would rob my karma bank.
     When I am accosted by the weirdopatrol, (driving Norman the speel checker nuts today) I just smile and pleasantly nod, while trying to extricate myself from the blather and find a quality lead. We all do what we do to pay the mortgage. (sic. From Thank You for Smoking) *and I think to myself, what a wonderful world* and do I need bangs?

Just another day in paradise


  1. That is some funny sh*t!! Loved it....I do love Holmes on Holmes. I would NEVER need him after work you did. I have the best basement in town! I hear ya's why I have NO intrest in Nanny 911, Jon & Kate plus 8, or any other show that is about taking care of thanks I live it! I will say Modern Family makes me laugh outloud. Now, the might need bangs!! Come by and have coffee soon or better yet a beer!!

  2. absolutely...I have never seen modern family i will have to check it out as the world needs more laughter..

    gotta get by for a cup o joe, or is good...

  3. “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

  4. so true yoda, or as they say in nwalin's true dat

  5. Don't call it bangs here down under.
    Another great post. I seem to attract similar. Mostly harmless thankfully


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