hey! before i forget...

    hey before i forget. you guys and gals that read my blog are what it is all about. while i write this as a cathartic catalyst to creativity, i also hope you are entertained, if only for the few minutes we are engaged in my meandering monologues. thank you for taking time form your busy day to stop by and take it all in.

   but what if i forget...what if i lose all my memories...i do not want that...that is worse than death...

   every day i try to take it all in. we all should...life moves at a furious pace...even the lazy hazy daze of summer seem to fly too quickly by. i give all i can to a physical job that takes an enormous toll. it is a labor of mostly love, but it comes with a cost...but enough self pity..what was i talking about?

   i stopped by to see my mom tonight for a quick cup of joe, she looked good, but for the first time i realized that she is getting old. seriously... i usually see her as much younger than she is...denial is a wonderful thing...she does not have many senior moments, and for that i thank god, but i can't help but think that i only have so much time left to share with her.

   My father died in '98 and he was far too young. i cannot talk with him in person but he is on my mind every day. i sign something on every job i do in his honor. i still hear him, at times, calling me brender and bruce the moose...

     i did not apprecaite him nearly as much i should have while he was alive, but now i do...it is too late, however to drop in for a cold one with him...that does not mean we do not have a few rousing conversations every now and then.... but what if i forget?

Hey! before i forget...

   i had a dream i had a few months back. it was not pleasant. it was not memorable...i do know what it was really about but it was very unsettling. i hate those kind of dreams. the ones that you wake from and feel like you are not really awake and there is something that is following you out of that dream...kinda like being trapped in a dean koontz or stephen king short story or novel...what would that be like day after day? wow, it would be awful.

   it is a sinister and diabolical feeling. it is disjointed, dettached and disturbing...it does not happen often, in fact it is very rare, but it stayed with me like the smell of week old eggs left out in the sun...kinda very yucky...but what if it were all the time. what if everyday were that nightmare? that would be bad...jus' sayin'

    before i forget...

   what was i talking about...i do not remember...i must have forgotten. i misplaced the ideas and lost the note

pad in my head. the hard drive crashed...the tape got jammed.. the record skipped...that would be very bad...

   i do not want to suffer from Alzheimer's Disease. that would be awful. i have enough trouble remembering the day date and my name, but what if i forget? what if i forget you? what if i cannot remember who you are? i fear few things, but this i do fear...and what was i talking about?

   in writings and pictures of me and you i will write this story, of our lives so that when i do forget you, i will see you anyway. please forgive me if i am remiss in recalling your name...i used to know you...i must have because you are here. in this picture. what were we talking about? hey before i forget...you were a friend of mine...

hey before i forget

   this memory loss would be so scary...to have someone come up to you and say to you, "hi, dad." or "hi, bruce." and you stare blankly out at them. kinda like browndog, waking from a nap...okay for those of you that knew browndog, that was not just the post nap look, it was most the time...those big sad eyes...who were we talking about?

    i sometimes wake with the thought that i cannot remember where i am. you may think that that is just after a night of boozing, but it happens after a sober night as well...not often, in fact very rarely, but just enough to make me think. it is usually after a disjointed dream, that i wake in this fog...what if this were every day...what were we talking about?
    we were talking about you. i will try to remember you. i hope to remember you...i do not want to forget you, but someday, i probably will...when i am older and grayer and like 106...if i live that long...
   have a party in my honor, not a funeral, greive if you must, but with a beer in hand, and i will do the same for you...

hey before i forget...

   it is better to be dead in the flesh, than dead in the memory...i would not wish that on anyone...

hey before i forget...how bout them TIGERS!!!

Just Another Day In Paradise!!!