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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The jackass factor

     I was driving today. I was listening to the replacement for the Jim Rome show. While the idiot is on vacation he had Petros and Money as the fill in show. As you may know, from other blogs, Jim Rome is an idiot. These guys are worse. I used to think everyone has a right to the facts. Even the jackassery. And so the idea is born. A new blog for my fans.

     I was losing weight. It had been hours since my last meal. I went to get lunch at Mr. Burger. No fat in their food, (riiight) and since I am not on a diet, I figured this was as good a place as any to quell my hunger. By the way it was!!!

     In the parking lot, I saw a pickup truck with a Dallas Cowboys window sticker. You know, one of those that take up the whole of the rear window. Instantly, I thought what a jackass. This is Lions country. (I know they suck and all that, but…) and so the Jackass factor is born. I do not need any facts to support an opinion.

     You may say that the truck could have been from Texas, however, the plate was from Michigan. The truck was parked at an angle. It took up two spaces right by the door. Granted it was not a busy time, but seriously, do you need to take up two spaces. Right by the door? If you want to do that jackass move park out in the boonies.

     Fine. You’re a Cowboy fan. I don’t really know why. You live in Michigan. The economy here sucks. Probably did not move here for a job. I can understand not having a Lions sticker. They do suck. But the cowboys? Yuck! Having a sticker for a non-home team put you automatically in the jackass category. Have none then. Do not call out your jackassery.

      Spin doctoring 101: The math is simple a + b = c. Let a= A cowboys fan. Let b= I hate the cowboys. Hence c= That guy is a jackass. This formula works for anyone that wants to form an opinion. You can try this at home yourself.

       Another thing that makes you a jackass is a bumper sticker touting you child’s academic status. I do not care if your kid is a dull normal window licker or a future rocket scientist. I do not need you to peacock that crap.

     You may say that that is a blanket statement. Yup, it is. So what? My blog, my opinion. (MBMO) I can write anything I want. You can choose to stop reading. (You WILL miss out on something that you will agree with.) I am full of blanket statements today. I blame that cowboy fan.

     A bumper sticker from the school does not make the kid any better or worse than the rest of the world. We live, we love, we work, we pay taxes, we have good days and bad, we lose those close to us and we die. We are all equal, in time and mortality.

                There is a scientific law that mandates:
                   1. A bumper sticker MUST be funny...
                 2. It must come from a cool far away place or event.

      I do not remember who hypothesized or postulated that law, and maybe it is just an opinion, but I do know my parents did not tout my academic status with some stupid bumper sticker. (Hell, they were just happy that I went to school and that I graduated.) Oh and just so you know I don’t want to look at pictures of your kids while I am talking to you at a party. Nor do I want to see pictures of your grand children in their soccer uniforms, or pictures of your pets. Jus sayin’.

    Improper bumper stickers make you a jackass, but so do those stupid Grateful Dead Bears and giant Pot Leaves. Yup, that is why they call it dope. Never, under any circumstances draw attention from the policing authorities. That is just asking for an invite to the Graybar Hotel. Hop heads beware, the advertising of you proclivities is enough for a random “just cause” red and blue light rendezvous.

      Another bumper sticker that makes you a jackass is a bumper sticker that says don’t blame me I voted for the other….(guy). Jus sayin’….That sentiment does not make you smarter than the average bear. It makes your ignorance as plain as the bump on your face that the smart people of this world call a nose. You cannot prove your point through revisionist history before the historic event takes place. You know all those stickers go on right after their pick loses (and in most cases before the final results are in.)

      The jackass factor plays in all parts of the day. You run into all kinds of jackasses in almost every social setting. Many people think I am a jackass. I know it is hard to believe that anyone could find a reason to not like me, but everyone has the right to an opinion. Even if it is wrong, and not supported by fact, a + b =c, right?

       Just so you know, if you live in Michigan and have a confederate flag in your back window of your car or truck (most likely a truck) you are a jackass. Michigan was a Union State. Last time I checked Michigan is north of the Mason/Dixon line. Currently, we are all part of the United States. All 50 of them. If you move to a state that has 10 months of winter from the south, where they have 2-3 days of winter, well, you figure it out. If you live in the south, I guess it is fine. Well, not fine, but not a jackass factor. I do not need any facts to support an opinion.

    The REAL jackasses are in the media. Anyone can see THIS fact. What happened to responsible reporting? What happened to news? I blame Nixon. That was the first media circus I remember. And Watergate hearings pre-empted the Bugs Bunny show. Damn them Watergates anyway because didn’t hold back the media circus flood gates.

     I blame the information age. How can a society that is so in touch with so much information be so uninformed? Simple, we have only eleven or so Mega-corporations that control all of the media and in this glorious state of ridicularity we easily find opinions that support our facts. (Spin doctoring 101: The math is simple a + b = c.) We have the technology, we can…BE STUPID!! It is like a telephone game on a global stage, but nobody is putting the cup to their ear, they are just filling it with their particular preference of Kool-aid, and taking a few gulps. Then repeating what ever nonsense seems to pop into their silly cerebellum.

      I blame O.J. That was even a bigger media circus on a bigger stage. Come to think of it Jim Rome is from So Cal as well, so I will blame him, too. While I am at it I can blame the Cowboys and Jerry Jones as well. So much jackassery, so little time.

     Anyone that is above average looking that is not afraid to be an idiot in front of a camera can tell us what constitutes as news. We have become a society that gets its news from an over stimulated, Opinionflashing misinformed menagerie of talking head media. Or quite simply opinionflashers.

     For example, how many times have you seen a reporter in the howling wind reporting on the latest hurricane? The opinionflasher is standing in front of a bunch of palm trees that are bending in the 60 mph gusts. “Opinionflash” “I am here in front or the wharf, and as you can see, the wind is quite strong.” Seriously? The local law enforcement agency suggested that the locals should evacuate immediately if they have not done so already.” But Mickey Mediawhore is standing there stoic and brave; endangering life and limb “opinionating” the news, so we all know what HE thinks is really going on.

     And then when something happens on Wall Street or Any Street, USA the Opinionaters are there to tell us the opinions. There are so few facts in the news that society just forms opinions based on opinions. Kind of like when we were kids and we believed what our parents are believed, because we lacked the skill and knowledge to investigate or formulate our own opinions.

     I do not watch any of the “popular” opinionaters that clog the cable networks. I would rather watch golf, and you know how much I hate golf. However, depending on your political POV, the amount of a jackassery is directly proportionate to the Political bent of the opinionater in question. You can form your own opinion, on which of the talking heads are cool in your book. In my opinion they all suck. And blow.

     I want a news flash that is really news. I want some substance. I want some facts. I am sick of spin doctoring 101. I am tired of political bent ranting and raving of the right and left. I want reporting to have some kind of research. Some basis in fact. Some actual journalistic integrity.

     I do not care if you think O.J. did it. My opinion is he did. I don’t care if Obama does not have or does have a birth certificate. My opinion is it does not affect me either way. (I voted for the other guy…. (NO, NOT REALLY) I don’t want to hear opinionaters spout opinions as facts. Give me some proof. Give me some evidence. Why should the Jackass factor even be mentioned in the same sentence as the media? If I want the news, the spin doctoring opinionaters do not know where to get it. So, the opinionaters will make it up. That is not news. That is not reporting. The math is simple a + b = c. That is not news. That is a blog.

Just another day in paradise

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