Posts
editors note: by now you may realize that i like to cuss. i drop the f-bomb. i will in this post, and gratuitously, i may add. i have invited my eviltwin to share in this post, a bit, leashed and tethered a bit but he is gonna have a bit of the spotlight...
also note: if i offend you, this is in fun...please take the tongue-in-cheek nature in which it is intended...or if you have to send me an email at askevilbruce@gmail.com to let me know how much you are disappointed...go head...if you must unfollow..that is also your prerogative.. but you will be sorry..very sorry...
I AM THE OVERLORD!
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| THANKS JEWELS! |
yep! true dat!
me...moi...thebruce...brucie...bruce-y...Daddy...
an OVERLORD?
My EvilTwin? He may be an OVERLORD!
seriously?
The lovely Jewels, Flyers fan and all, whom will be doing a blogcrush blogswap with me soon...(I promise...) bestowed this wondrous award to me...
TRENDING NOoOoO!!!!TRENDING NOOO!!!!
1. Nicolas Cage (next time he will listen to me, and not get so drunk)
2. Tiger Woods (is a douchbag)
3. Natalie Portman (hot)
4. Kate Hudson (still very hot)
5. Verizon (bites weenies)
6. Hayden Panettiere (nudie pics here)
7. Empire State Building (still cleaning off the sweat from King Kongs balls)
8. Undercover Boss (yet another stupid show…glad it is being cancelled)
9. Obama birth certificate (fucking give it a rest..the dumbald is fucking fool)
10. Antidepressants (suck your will to die)
There of course are some rules, which I totally lifted from Jewels blog, cuz I can, being an OVERLORD! and all...
- List three things you would change if you were Overlord (KING OF THE WORLD)
- List ten blogs worthy of world domination (YEAH FUCK THAT! I'll give it to as many as I want)
- Contact them about their bastard child…er, I mean award. *those were Chanel’s words or maybe the wording of the award-not really sure... (whoever's words they are damn fucking funny)
1. There will no longer be any coverage of frivolous ridstupidarity such as royals getting married.
No amount of pomp
Ever!
I find any wedding booooriiing...however, I really LOVE the ACBF (After Ceremony Beer Fest)...The news coverage devoted to this kind of fucktardedness is right up there with the inability to pin the rap on OJ...
Paint drying, golf, and Nastycar racing are more fun to watch, and I absofuckinglutly hate those three things...
Instead we will watch home videos of my last vacation to the Florida Keys...
See what I mean? Boooooorrrrrring....
It is just about the same thing...Except my family is not royalty. They are a royal pain in the ass, so is that the same thing?
And we are allowed to cuss and flip the bird at other drivers while filming and driving...and you know what else? The everglades go on for.ev.er. and I filmed ev.er.y. min.ute of it...
For many of us, my home videos would be boring...
Okay.
I get that.
See what I mean? Boring is not good...
Which is prolly why I have yet to convert them from tape to dvd...
2. All people that want to produce offspring will have to pass a competency test. Seriously. No fuckinfucktards making more fucktards...
You must be able to hold your temper when the situation warrants it. And carry on conversation like an adult. And not just punch things or slap things cuz you are pissed...
Like a child.
Children do not need to have children...They need to grow up... I AM the OVERLORD! just in case you forgot!
You must be able to remain sober and alert during working hours. Stop doing things that prevent you from getting a real job. Cuz YOU need to be able to support your demonspawn...
You must be able to type in complete sentences, not just OMG, UR and LOL.
Seriously.
And dial a phone. Not just hit redial or the persons avatar... Actually push the buttons.
If you are too stupid to know what makes babies, then you are too stupid to breed. You can buy condoms at every fucking gas station in the free world...We used to have to go thru the embarrassment of buying them at the local drugstore...Where so and so's mom fucking worked!
Sheesh!
If my dog has a better command of the language than you, well, no baby license.
Jus' Sayin'
3. Anyone caught wearing BitchDrawers, or that god-awful, no belt, expose panties, hanging pants thing-y will BE. SHOT. ON. SITE! No fucking exceptions! Period!
Need I say more?
You must be able to hold your temper when the situation warrants it. And carry on conversation like an adult. And not just punch things or slap things cuz you are pissed...
Like a child.
Children do not need to have children...They need to grow up... I AM the OVERLORD! just in case you forgot!
You must be able to remain sober and alert during working hours. Stop doing things that prevent you from getting a real job. Cuz YOU need to be able to support your demonspawn...
You must be able to type in complete sentences, not just OMG, UR and LOL.
Seriously.
And dial a phone. Not just hit redial or the persons avatar... Actually push the buttons.
If you are too stupid to know what makes babies, then you are too stupid to breed. You can buy condoms at every fucking gas station in the free world...We used to have to go thru the embarrassment of buying them at the local drugstore...Where so and so's mom fucking worked!
Sheesh!
If my dog has a better command of the language than you, well, no baby license.
Jus' Sayin'
3. Anyone caught wearing BitchDrawers, or that god-awful, no belt, expose panties, hanging pants thing-y will BE. SHOT. ON. SITE! No fucking exceptions! Period!
Need I say more?
I will be passing it on to:
Rafa
the Bushman
id
Mynx-y
the Empress
Pencil Girl
Oilfield Trash
fuck going for ten...i am so done with this...
Just AnOverlord's Day In Paradise
I read your post out loud to Pooldad and he laughed and said "Mine kind of man." Funny thing is I am the cusser in the family, not him.
ReplyDelete#2 is my favorite, especially the part about condoms. giggle
And my Sunday is incomplete because I am not an Overlord. Sigh. Then again, you are hard to top! :D
I totally concur with rules number 2&3 and was so over the royal wedding way before it even happened. Great decrees and way to change the rules...about time sombody realized they were the ruler and able to do whatever the fuck they wanted! hehe. Can't wait for our blog swap! :D
ReplyDeleteThanks for the award.
ReplyDeleteAnd I so agree with you on your 3 things. Especially the pants shit. You want to look cool in those pants, but you also want to run from the cops. Well you look really cool on tv from the helicopter view being run down by a fat ass cop you should easily be able to out run but you can't because your pants are falling down.
Overlord? Hell, yes! Well-deserved. You rock.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little mad at you because of that Hayden Panettiere link.
ReplyDeleteWell thank you Sir Bruce. I shall have to dust off my tiara and think about this, especially as your reign as overlord dealt with several things that piss me off regularly
ReplyDeleteIlove it when I watch cops or any other show like that and we see some fuckwit trying to run and his pants fall down and then he trips over them and falls over it is so funny to me.......the waste of space should have learnt how to wear his pants or a belt.....I also hate seeing fat women in low pants/skirts and a short top so we can all see their fat belly soooooooo attractive!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah go buy condoms and use them so we don't have and more fuckwits having babies if you are to immature to buy condoms you are to immature to become a parent............
Congrats on your latest award for the Bruce Trophy Case! Also, thanks for passing it along my way. It has been forever since a new and shiny award has graced my royal bloggy trophy case. Seeing this totally made my day.
ReplyDeleteI am completely down with your new laws. Fucktards should not be allowed to reproduce EVER. We have enough shit-for-brains asstards wreaking havoc on the planet, so the last thing anyone needs is more of them fucking things up. ...As for low-rider pants, they are beyond ridiculous. Glad you are banning them too!
Happy Weekend my friend : )
This is an example of well crafted tomfoolery and I am only going to better for having read it. You may want to check your linkeratorage though, the like to naked Hayden is broken. It took me to a site that featured a talking sponge.
ReplyDeletecongrats on the award i bow to your greates
ReplyDeleteLil' Brother this is why I just adore you. One, because you tell it like it is and two, because we think alike. Are you sure your father wasn't in Jersey around Feb. 1960? hahaha. Honestly, these things are necessary. Our country is going down the shitter and babies are having babies and we're more worried about watching a royal wedding. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteThank you Bruce!! :D :D
ReplyDeleteI did it!! I'm the supreme overlord!! Muahahahahahaha!!!
Hilarious post, Bruce! The Overlord is happy!
Agreed with above changes for the most part. :)
ReplyDeleteU mean I get to make rules? Hells yes! Thank-You. Although I hate ur hockey team.
ReplyDeletebushman- cannot wait!
ReplyDeleteJewels- loved our blogswap! love ya!
OMBS- awww thanks!
dudemiester- better check your interwebz security level...hehehehe
Jo Anne- you are so right!
Empress-rock on!
ib-better check your interwebz security level...hehehehe
OMG, UR 2 funny! LOL! (heheh)
ReplyDeletecongrats to you & thanks for the best award ever! i actually regularly give a lot of thought to world domination.