stupidiocracy...

the other day, on January 10th, as a matter of fact, I had an anniversary of sorts.

one year smoke and cancer free...

i know, not really like a big deal, people survive cancer all the time.

and people quit smoking everyday.

some by choice, some by death.

i have been back to work (sorta) for 3 months as of that day as well.

my plan to work has been changed. i started  a business to sell and manage construction jobs, but again find myself on job-sites more than i want to be, doing more than i prolly should, but i am making money.

my life has changed.

i am unable to do what i did before, like i did before. i cannot work  physically like i used to.

age has changed me.

illness has changed me.

BUT...
i still know how to balance a check book!

i have very little energy after the day is done.
but i still go and do what i can.
until i cannot do it anymore.
and pay the cost with a heating pad and self medication...

what else is there to do?
sit home and die?

and now i will may need to address my self-medication drinking habits.

kill.me.now.

i would rather have a  bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy, right?

fucking right!

so all that being said, on that day, i was on my way to a job site.

i see a school bus up ahead.

stopping at a driveway.

for.one.kid.

ok you say, it is rural america. that is the way it is.

i took a picture with my mind's-eye-mental-imaging-device...


see below:

and no i did not hit the school bus!
mebbe a little piece of me wanted to.

what you ask is wrong with that picture?
aside from my amateurish rendition?

someone drove their kid 100 yards to the bus stop.
let that settle in a bit...

100 yards...300 feet...

i walked a half mile or so, un-stupor-vised...it took us about 20 minutes.
(i googled it and by car it was 7 tenths of a mile, or 9 minutes drive time but we had short cuts...)
up hill both ways!
in the blinding snow!
Michigan summers are cold too!
year round!
cuz we used to roll like that!

and we had never lost a war back then!
('Nam was still going, but not yet considered a war, simply  a police action... and we all know there are no winners and losers in a police action...just like in AYSO)

mommy kept the car running...
so junior(ette)
would not get cold/lost/abducted/dead...

at the end of their fucking driveway.
more settling...
or unsettling...

and then drove back to their house.
100 yards away.
300 feet...
fuck-me-freddy...

the uberpussification of america starts at home.
the United States of America?
more like...

Ubberpussied Stupidiocracy of Asinine.

i would rather fight off zombies, biblical plagues, and douchecanoe terrorists, than deal with the next generation of kids that cannot handle walking 100 yards in Michigan winter.

to a bus stop...
at the end of the driveway.
of their own home...
three-fucking-hundred feet away...
visible from the picture window of your rural McMansion...

why not just drive your demonspawn to the school?
you would have used less fossil fuel.
and emitted less greenhouse gasses.


it is Michigan.
you live here.
it is cold and snowy
9 months a year
get the fuck used to it!

BTW, this year has been exceptionally mild.
temps in the 40's F
in January!

so anywhat...

if you are that stupidiotic...that  that you cannot dress your kids appropriately for the weather and trust that they can wander down the 100 yard driveway by themselves without:

a. getting hit by a car. (the thing that TAKES YOU EVERYFUCKIN'WHERE)
b. getting hit by the bus. (it's that big yellow thing that you ride on to get free day care an education) 
c. getting lost and/or freezing to death in 4 minutes. (better pack junior a lunch.)
d. getting nabbed by a rampant sexual predator biker gang. (cuz it happens ALL the time!)
e. all of the above. (we can only hope)

then...your contribution to the gene-pool is not needed.
what the fuck are we not teaching these kids?

these same kinda kids...
cross the street, not in the cross walk, without a care, in front you as you drive.
they then feel like you need to stop, cuz they have the right of way.
and then flip you off for nearly hitting them...
and have no idea that there are cross walks for a reason
except that they are for OTHER people
and do not know how to balance a check book, but have 12 years of math.

stupid as well as pampered...
unprepared.
idiotic.
entitled.
ridonkulous...

the Ubberpussied Stupidiocracy of Asinine.
next thing you know, they will be cancelling school for a wind advisory...
not a hurricane, or tornado...
just strong winds.

cuz little johnny's ball cap, that he wears cocked sorta sideways or sorta backwards may blow off and he will get brain damaged by flying squirrel shit.

jus sayin.


opinionflash...
he is already there...

yeah, there are prolly a hundred good reasons for someone to be that overprotective.
i cannot think of one.

mebbe it is just me.
you know, hard-assed, lard-assed, uncaring bastage, that i am.

not every kid is a winner.
they all do not deserve a medal.
the world is made up of winners and losers.
some people ARE losers.
some kids will not excel at anything, save for mouth-breathing incompetency.

i am thankful that i will not be alive long enough to watch as the Ubberpussied Stupidiocracy of Asinine completes the transformation and we get our asses handed to us by the rest of the world that has prepared its offspring for a modicum of adversity.

and checkbook balancing.

see ya soon!

it is, afterall,
Just Another Day In Paradise
and i am
Just Another Dog In Puppydise

so then there is that...

yep...
SECOND POST IN AS MANY DAYS!

so then there is that.

TRENDING NOOOOOOO!!!!TRENDING NO!!!!

1.      Kim Kardashian (who the fuck cares what she is doing? Stop her insanity!, Annie, get your gun!)

2.      Dakota Fanning (Preggers)

3.      Yeti crabs (good eating, if you don’t mind the mercury)

4.      Eva Mendes (keeps calling me)

5.      Gold prices (plummet among fears that the stock market and economy will rebound)

6.      Mountain Dew (a full days’ supply of vitamin S)

7.      iPad rumors (have implanted tracking devices, big bro IS watching you)

8.      Gastric bypass surgery (who needs a full stomach? most of the world goes to bed hungry)

9.      Katy Perry (divorcing/Preggers/dead…pick one)

10.   Ron Paul (bitch slaps Mitt Romney and Michelle Bachman!)

overheard while watching MSU Spartans bowl game..yeah, don't ask which game it was, cuz i think it was the UPS/fritos/reebok/cancer awareness/kim-jong-ill bowl.

fuck! remember when all the bowl games could be played in 2 days?

i digress...
anyway...

"Florida Gators vs Ohio State Buckeyes is like Satan vs Hitler...who cares who loses....mebbe they both will..."

so then there is that.

"if the Mayans calendar was so dead on balls accurate, why did they not predict their own demise at the hands of the greedy Spaniards?"

good question.

imagine being the Mayan guy that had to project that damn thing out til 2012...yeah, it is job security, but seriously? talk about a boring job...

so then there is that.

remember when a stadium was named for the team that played in it, like Tiger Stadium,  or some famous local person, like Joe Louis Arena?

now they are named all stupid and stuff like the "conglomerated federated multi-national first mercantile credit union diversified corporational synergy group place/arena/stadium"

jay-suz!

everything is for sale. and we have allowed it to get so outta hand...

the greedocracy is rampant...

anyone that thinks any of these bozos that are running for presidential office have even the tiniest care for your interest need to re-think it.

Michelle Bachman Turner Underdrive withdraws from her presidential bid...mebbe that other loopy-bitch stupid palin will wise up too and drop out.

if only their daddy's had pulled out...

the richtards that are currently fighting within party lines, jockeying for position, to represent their party's agenda, will soon be pointing their vitriol laden vocalities at the other party.

great...

it is a total fuckeroo...

how does this skullfuckery even come close to solving the problems of our nation....

oh that is right...it does not...

so then there is that.

mebbe Hitler and Satan did both lose in the mutligrain cheerios/greengiant/dupont/outlook/microapple bowl...

mebbe...

mebbe the Mayan calendar is right and the world does end on or about December 21, 2012...

mebbe...

and mebbe the next POTUSA will save our country.

mebbe...

so then there is that.

Just another day in Paradise
Just another dog in Puppydise

today...

and beer...

a free verse of sorts....

(not to be confused with FREEBIRD!!!!)

today.

I am watching hockey today.

and drinking a few beers. 

well, tonight really.

focus bruce....

today.

it is really all we have.

well, and beer, too.

we plan for tomorrow, 

dream of the someday, 

and hope for the future.

it all comes down today.

i was watching hockey one year ago today.

and enjoying a beer

it is what i do.
with a lot of my today's....

one year ago today I discovered a tumor.

one year ago today my life completely changed.

one year ago today, i stopped looking 5 years ahead.

and all the other beers i did not have.

and started focusing on today.

and the beer in front of me.

i hope i have a lot more today's.

and a lot more beers.

but i will be happy with the number i have already shared.

with all special people in my life.

and hey....







at least i did not discover flesh eating zombies...

that would REALLY suck.

just another day in paradise
just another dog in puppydise..

first post of 2012!!!!

merry! Christmas!
luv tUcKeR!

TRENDING NO!!!!TRENDING NOOOOOO!!!! 

(possibly a replay)

1.Todd Bridges (whatchu talkin’ bout, Willis)

2.Janet Jackson (yet another wardrobe malfunction)

3.Angelina Jolie (has really big lips)

4.Lily Allen (getting hitched, too bad guys)

5.2012 predictions (I will become king of the world, or the world ends)

6.Kathy Griffin (funny chick)

7.Medicare (is really expensive)

8.Bon Jovi (I’m a cowboy.)

9.Small business loans (what, they loan money to small businesses? Why did I not know that?)

10.Parsley recall (nobody eats parsley)

so...

besides...

and all that...

Not really, but...

OTR!  On the Rodriguez! The family is visiting other family, and tUcKeR and I are ManCaving it!

lots has happened in the past decade that i have been away (mebbe not quite that long, but...) from my BIA...

The Tom Cruise Underwear Dance. A staple of the OTR  traditions...

Imagine that dance by a guy with two left feet, older and BeerGutted, and mix in a little bit a ton of the "WhiteMansOverbite" . So, Yeah. I do this in my head. but frequently. i may be doing it right now. i may be naked.

in honor of my busy life Laziness  I have opted for replaying a classic Christmas post from last year!

______-------______-------_________----------_______

originally posted DEC 27 2010


The weather outside is not fit for man nor beast. I am thankful I am not living on the street. I drive past these poor souls frequently and am thankful I am not one of them. *but for the grace...go I*

the following post is in real time...tic toc..tic toc...

The answer was coming home and hanging out with the TuckMonster, a few toddies, and a WINGS game. Yup. That was the idea. That WAS the answer. But I was in the  Alex Trebek alternative universe. AND I was stuck.

The question was what will Bruce do on the night before the night before Christmas...The question BECAME.... WTF is wrong with the furnace. I walked in the door and could feel the temperature was not quite right. Bummer dude.

It is 61 degrees F in the house. (On the main floor)

Thursday night, the night before the night before Christmas, is not the best of times to have a furnace go out, and I only find this stuff out the hard way. Life is a harsh task master. Actually, no time in the 9 month Michigan winter is a good time for the furnace to puke.

It needs to be fixed. I call my Landlord. I get voice mail. Prolly cuz she has my number in her phone and it is usually a problem for her to have to figure out when I call. I do not know. She prolly looks at it and…straight to voicemail…

There is also the California to Michigan time difference. No worries. I can never get this simple concept of time and where in the USA it changes or how many hours difference, quite right. So don’t even ask me to figure out what year it is, in, like, say Australia…

I then instruct my wife to take the chillin and go to her mom’s house where they would be safe, cuz it is too cold to stay here. I will make the supreme sacrifice and stay here with the TuckMonster. I toss my glasses from my face and rip open my shirt, revealing a large S for SuperBruce!!! .(L for LoserBruce) 

“Honey, save yourself and Mylibbean! I will handle this furnace debacle!”

Okay, I lied, they were going there anyway. The TuckMonster and I were OTR (And the WINGS were on!!!!)

Bo~nus! (Sing-song voice!))

But first, the little problem of the heat and furnace issue. I wander into the furnace room and contort myself like a yoga master to see if I can figure out WTF is wrong.  I IMMEDIATELY figure out the flame is not flaming. Cuz I am a genius like that.

Let me just say yoga is crazy, until you need it. If you don't practice it, a prescription to vicodin or several canadian whiskeys will help the after effects of said non-yogis. I am a non-yogi. I took both.

Meanwhile.

What to do?

My wife hits me upside the head with hands me the phone book. I turn to heating and cooling. The cooling part is fine. I am concerned with the heating.

I call ALLLLLLLL (at least the ones that have big splashy phone numbers) the “24 HOUR” HVAC companies. They all have answering services. Thankfully, the services all speak English and not Foreignish.

I wait.

And wait.

And f*ing wait some more.

Finally, some jackweasel calls me back.

And says “Well, until I hear from your landlord, I cannot fix your furnace.”

“Dude, I will pay you. I can work it out with her later. The WINGS are on tonight and I will be damned if I do not get to watch them from the comfort of my ManCave” I implore the guy on the phone.

“Sorry, no can do.” He doesn't even respond with an obligatory "dude"... the bastage!

It is now 59 degrees F. (On the main floor)

The ManCave is colder still...funny thing about cold air, it sinks. (or warm air rises, I REALLY shoulda paid a bit more attention to my HS physics class...)

He calls back and says they are not doing any new rental accounts. I am outta luck.

Fine. Whatever. His company will never get my business, now. Vredervoodg, or however you spell it. Your name is mud in my book...

The ladies leave, saving themselves, and TuckMonster and I start a fire to keep warm. WinterCamping! Relax, kids, we have a fireplace, so, no, I did not start a fire on the carpet. Or a fifty-five gallon drum...Actually, we have two fireplaces. One fireplace is in the ManCave and one is in the main floor living room.

In the USA, or the land of USIES, (more on that in a future post) we live in the lap of luxury. We Take for granted the things like heat and A/C. We expect it. Until it goes horribly wrong. We are all just this close to living on the street. Or at least living like we were on the street. Then we panic. And cry like little school bitches kids. I, however, am The Last Boy Scout. (Not the Bruce Willis Movie...)

We retire to the Mancave, the TuckMonster and I, with fire roaring and behaving perfectly inside the fire box, and turn on the game. (It is heating up quite nicely)

I called every 24 hour service place and got no other replies.

24 hour service my ass!

It is now 56 degrees F. (On the main floor)

Finally, I hear from my landlord. She has arranged for her Jack-of-all-trades to come over and fix it.

YAY!

He can’t be there till the next morning.

Booooo!

It is now 51 degrees F. (OTMF)

The wings lose.

It is now 49 degrees F. (OTMF)

We run out of wood. The fire goes out. I go upstairs. Upon crossing the threshold of the stairway, I have snotsicles forming on my nose. It is seriously cold. I search in vane for my fingerless gloves.

The TuckMonster jumps onto and I crawl into, the bed.

What a fine way to start out my holiday weekend. Good thing I started growing a beard like six months ago. For playoff hockey. Last season. I just never shaved it.

It is 44degrees F.(OTMF) My harmonica has frozen to my lips on a spitbubble.

I fit in well with the rest of the bums on the street.

Just Another Day In Burrrrrrradise!

Just Another Day In Paradise!!!

just because...

i can...does not mean i should...
but i will anyway.
you're not the boss of me!

soooo...
here it goes!

hellloooo blog world.

(i hear crickets...)

trending NOOOOOO!!!!!

1.      Megan Fox (is stalking me…again…i know she is hot and all, but i'm married...)

2.      Khloe Kardash… (fucking who cares about this hose bag stop. just. fucking. stop!)

3.      TJ Houshmandzada (making a comeback!)

4.      Zooey Deschanel (is having a baby…I swear it is not mine...)

5.      FBI and Juggalos (the posse is a gang? say it ain’t so, Joe)

6.      Jerry Seinfeld (new sit come in the works...)

7.      Supermassive black holes (suck)

8.      4G phones (suck even more than super massive black holes)

9.      HIV and teens (keep it in your pants, kids!)

10.   Heart disease (is a killer)

i have been busy.

i would tell you what i have been doing but then i would have to kill you...

the other day i was just sitting around wondering what it was like before i had a cell phone. or a smart phone.

i hate my smart phone.

with a passion.

that can kill whole societies.

smart phones suck for 2 reasons.

1. they cost more for service...
2. they do not make my morning toast.

there may be more. but those are the two biggest complaints i have.

see.

that means my life is not so bad.

if you can only complain about your smartass phone.

things be pretty godamngood!

Just Another day In Paradise

Just Another Dog In Puppydise